Hello everyone 

Forgive me if my post is offensive to anyone. I am a mother of two very young children and have obviously gotten married to young. I was with my spouse for 10 years consistently without separating until now. I have endured a great amount of emotional, mental and physical abuse in our relationship, yet I stayed. And I feel do used up and confused with my life. As a teenager, 15 actually, I did everything I could to prove I loved him and was there for him. I was so stupid and naive by not thinking about the future outcome. He was so insanely possessive, didn't want me off the phone when I went to high school, or when I was home. It made him upset when I wanted to spend time with my family. So eventually I got into a big argument with my mom, dropped out of school and officially ran away from home to be with him.

God has truly give me grace because nobody looked for me and I was in his full control. We would argue and he would take away things he brought me. He had the only phone to our home for years and I couldn't use it freely. I had no social life or people to talk too. 

Now that we've been separated for 9 months, I don't know were to begin to start my days sometimes. I finally realized how toxic our relationship and have made up in my mind to divorce him once the year is up. I don't even know where to begin on dating, so I not trying but I have seen him at casino with a woman and hanging out with his friends and I'm pretty sure he's been out there. But I'm a Christian so I don't believe in that and been by myself. I feel so stupid for thinking I was special and believing him in spite of our problems. I wanted to work it out but I did not realize how much of a toll it took on me .