Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been struggling with something the last few days and thought maybe you all could help. Quick background on me for those that don't know - my husband of 7.5 years left me last July for his mistress and our divorce was final in October. It was very traumatic for me, he admitted to having affairs during our entire marriage, being a sex addict for over 25 years and I was wife #6 not 3 as I thought. Overall I feel like I am doing really well. One thing that really helped during my divorce process was reading self help books (and of course this group). Well I am in a bit of a funk and need some help!
Last NYE a very old and dear friend reached out to me (yes he is a male friend). We were close for many years and were actually roommates at one time for 4 years. Since reaching out to me on NYE he calls me 3 - 4 times a week and we have wonderful conversations. I have never called him, he always reaches out to me. He lives in my hometown that I will be moving back to this summer, but in the meantime we are 5 hours apart and have only seen each other for a 1 hour lunch a few months ago.
I have been planning on a visit back home over Easter weekend for a long time. When I told him months ago about the trip he was so excited and asked me to dinner and a movie one night. We talk about it all the time, what restaurant, what movie, he is picking me up at parents and even asked my parents if they wanted to come along (he use to be very close to my parent when we were younger so this is not weird at all). So here is where I am having a hard time. All of a sudden the phone calls have stopped. I haven't heard from him since last Friday which is very unusual.
I find myself already having a panic attack about him cancelling our date and am starting already to feel self doubt. Starting to think that maybe I have some co-dependency issues, honestly not sure what it is. Any recommendations or advice? I know it's way too soon after my divorce to start thinking about a relationship, but his sudden lack of interaction has me feeling some of the same panic and insecurities I did during divorce.
Sorry for the long post...
Last NYE a very old and dear friend reached out to me (yes he is a male friend). We were close for many years and were actually roommates at one time for 4 years. Since reaching out to me on NYE he calls me 3 - 4 times a week and we have wonderful conversations. I have never called him, he always reaches out to me. He lives in my hometown that I will be moving back to this summer, but in the meantime we are 5 hours apart and have only seen each other for a 1 hour lunch a few months ago.
I have been planning on a visit back home over Easter weekend for a long time. When I told him months ago about the trip he was so excited and asked me to dinner and a movie one night. We talk about it all the time, what restaurant, what movie, he is picking me up at parents and even asked my parents if they wanted to come along (he use to be very close to my parent when we were younger so this is not weird at all). So here is where I am having a hard time. All of a sudden the phone calls have stopped. I haven't heard from him since last Friday which is very unusual.
I find myself already having a panic attack about him cancelling our date and am starting already to feel self doubt. Starting to think that maybe I have some co-dependency issues, honestly not sure what it is. Any recommendations or advice? I know it's way too soon after my divorce to start thinking about a relationship, but his sudden lack of interaction has me feeling some of the same panic and insecurities I did during divorce.
Sorry for the long post...
I think you should plan as if the date is still on, and pick some movie show times. Then, you can call him and directly ask if the date is still going to happen and give your movie time suggestions and figure out if dinner is before/after, who is picking up whom and where.
I guess the real question is, are you really interested in going out with this person? A codependent person might have trouble answering that. A codependent person might just be going on the date to please someone else. If you are looking forward to it, go ahead and call and finalize your plans. If you are doing it out of obligation, then you should step up and cancel and give your explanation that you're not ready to date or whatever. Are you ready? I do hope you go and have fun.