Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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I am a divorced father of one 10 year old son (week on/week off with the ex). I am dating an amazing woman who has three children, 12, 10, and 7. Who live with her full time. (every other weekend with dad).
I have met her children and they are very outgoing and, lets just say loud. great kids with their own issues. they have obviously been through some rough times with their mom and are very out spoken. when meeting her children it was a culture shock for me, having to divide my attention between three very talkative and active children.
My son is an only child, as was I growing up. So it was just three of us until me and the wife divorced. Fairly quiet and reserved family.
I am concerned that it will be overwhelming for my son. He has always wanted a brother or a sister, but having three all at once? That is a lot.
Also, being how her children live with her full time (minus every other weekend) I would be spending more time with them than my own son, and I am having an issue with that. I already feel guilty when Im with her and her kids and not my son when he is with his mother.
Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
I know it is pretty unique, but I am looking for guidance.
I have met her children and they are very outgoing and, lets just say loud. great kids with their own issues. they have obviously been through some rough times with their mom and are very out spoken. when meeting her children it was a culture shock for me, having to divide my attention between three very talkative and active children.
My son is an only child, as was I growing up. So it was just three of us until me and the wife divorced. Fairly quiet and reserved family.
I am concerned that it will be overwhelming for my son. He has always wanted a brother or a sister, but having three all at once? That is a lot.
Also, being how her children live with her full time (minus every other weekend) I would be spending more time with them than my own son, and I am having an issue with that. I already feel guilty when Im with her and her kids and not my son when he is with his mother.
Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
I know it is pretty unique, but I am looking for guidance.
I am sort of putting my own spin on your post, which I could be easily be wrong. I'm thinking your son is quiet and well behaved.
The girlfriends kids sound like they have been "taught" that the loudest gets heard, so they all try to be the loudest all at the same time. Also, I'm wondering if they are allowed to do or say anything they want.
My 2 boys were well behaved and her kids sound like a total nightmare to me.
I wouldn't jump into anything until you have been around them a whole bunch, watch the interaction between Mom and kids. Does she have any control over them? They were probably on their best behavior meeting you.
I would take it very, very slow, as you are right, your son would get lost in the shuffle.
See if your g/f is willing to work on them with you to calm them down.
Can you get your son more often?
Good luck
I wouldn't say her kids are horrible. But they obviously have very out going personalities and we have raised our children very differently. The tow oldest do have ADD, I know sometimes its just an excuse for bad behavior, but she does put up with a lot more than I would when it comes to certain issues. But, how can I possibly judge being I have only one child to her three, Im sure it is a totally different experience in raising kids. But yes. I am taking it slow, and going to see how everyone gets along together. I am really hoping for the best and it works.
To be sure, you should proceed cautiously until you have a good sense of whether you and the girlfriend will go some distance. No point in having all the kids grow attached to each other, only to break up that friendship in a few months/years. But I take your question to be "HOW do we introduce the kids" and not "SHOULD we introduce the kids."
You might consider doing it at a "neutral" location. A zoo or an amusement park would be a great choice, as that will force them to interact with some give and take cooperation ("First we'll go do what Bob wants to do, then we'll do what Jane wants to do - and on the way we'll take Floyd to the bathroom.").
The mechanics of one week on/one week off does add an element of confusion. But will that ACTUALLY be a practical issue before you and the girlfriend move in together/tie the knot? I don't think so.
As far as the week on week off, Im not sure what else would work? I will not be an every other weekend dad. he is already with me 75% of the time already Although I suspect that my son will be with me full time with in a year or so.
As for how it would go introducing your son to the other kids, maybe there's a chance he'd like to be part of a bigger group. I have two kids and sometimes when they're fighting I long for a third, because I was one of three growing up, and if there was friction with one of my siblings, I could hook up with the other.
I guess another point to make is that you won't know until you try it just how it will go for your son. His reaction may help guide what you want to do in the future. If he digs it, problem solved. If he doesn't, maybe you'll have second thoughts about carrying on with this.
Best of luck.