Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So.... Being single was the biggest fear I had in life. I was so afraid of what my life would be if I didnt have a man in it. I'm 44 and have been in a full blown relationship since I was 21. That fear became reality June 2013 and brought with it full blown depression.
The fear stemmed from so many things. Afraid I couldn't financially support myself, afraid I couldnt support my children, afraid of what I'd do in situations that I knew nothing about (cars, house stuff, yard stuff, etc). Afraid of what everyone else would think of me. Afraid that I would never find love again because Im just not good enough. The list goes on. This not only brought out depression, but also anxiety.
You know though.... I could date men that I had no interest in just to go on a date, but in my depression I just didnt even have it in me to go on a date until a few months ago. Yep, over a year into my breakup. What a year wasted. During that lovely crying, yelling, mad, sad year, I worked on myself. I sought therapy and read self help books, worked on my negativity, etc. I think i realized I had finally changed on the day I had a mental breakdown with my therapist and told her that I just give up. I cant continue to feel the negatives in my life. It literally wore me out. It was after that I realized that I had actually faced that fear of being alone and didn't even realize it during my stupor.
I had live over a year all by myself. I supported not only me, but my two kids, saved some money, taken care of all the things I was afraid of, not because I wanted to, but I had to. Once you face your fear you realize its not as bad as you thought it would be. Your mind is a powerful tool that can make you go crazy with negative thoughts.
Today, I date, but I dont have it in me to give myself fully to a relationship. To be honest, I'm not doing so well in the dating department, but I date to suit me and Im not going to worry about if I will find another love or another husband. I just take it day by day and let the cards fall where they do.
I have found that being single is awesome if you look at it the right way. One biggie is that I really dont care what people think or even if they do think and wonder why Im alone. Its their issue not mine. I dont mind showing up for events alone. I enjoy ME time and the fact I can go and do anything I want whenever I want and I can spend as much on anything I want without someone telling me what to do.
I wanted to post this article for all of you who may be feeling scared and alone like I did and know that its really not that. Its all in how you deal with it. Read this article. I did and just thought it was fabulous.
http://elitedaily.com/dating/single-isnt-finding-love/854615/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange
The fear stemmed from so many things. Afraid I couldn't financially support myself, afraid I couldnt support my children, afraid of what I'd do in situations that I knew nothing about (cars, house stuff, yard stuff, etc). Afraid of what everyone else would think of me. Afraid that I would never find love again because Im just not good enough. The list goes on. This not only brought out depression, but also anxiety.
You know though.... I could date men that I had no interest in just to go on a date, but in my depression I just didnt even have it in me to go on a date until a few months ago. Yep, over a year into my breakup. What a year wasted. During that lovely crying, yelling, mad, sad year, I worked on myself. I sought therapy and read self help books, worked on my negativity, etc. I think i realized I had finally changed on the day I had a mental breakdown with my therapist and told her that I just give up. I cant continue to feel the negatives in my life. It literally wore me out. It was after that I realized that I had actually faced that fear of being alone and didn't even realize it during my stupor.
I had live over a year all by myself. I supported not only me, but my two kids, saved some money, taken care of all the things I was afraid of, not because I wanted to, but I had to. Once you face your fear you realize its not as bad as you thought it would be. Your mind is a powerful tool that can make you go crazy with negative thoughts.
Today, I date, but I dont have it in me to give myself fully to a relationship. To be honest, I'm not doing so well in the dating department, but I date to suit me and Im not going to worry about if I will find another love or another husband. I just take it day by day and let the cards fall where they do.
I have found that being single is awesome if you look at it the right way. One biggie is that I really dont care what people think or even if they do think and wonder why Im alone. Its their issue not mine. I dont mind showing up for events alone. I enjoy ME time and the fact I can go and do anything I want whenever I want and I can spend as much on anything I want without someone telling me what to do.
I wanted to post this article for all of you who may be feeling scared and alone like I did and know that its really not that. Its all in how you deal with it. Read this article. I did and just thought it was fabulous.
http://elitedaily.com/dating/single-isnt-finding-love/854615/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange
That was my greatest fear too, being alone and have nobody. I was so afraid of being alone, that I had relations that I should not have had. It was holding me back in moving on. I am still afraid but getting better.
You are a strong woman.
Thanks.
That same fear kept me stuck with a cheater for almost 4 years past my day of discovery. It kept me stuck in a relationship with a man that wasn't worthy of my love, time or attention. I understand the fear that you speak of; I think we all do.
Congratulations for seeing the good on the other side. You have done so much by facing your fears and being able to do things you didn't think you can do. You are right. Our fears are much scarier in our heads than they actually really are.
Yay you!!!
http://lemaym1.wordpress.com/
I lived for only other people till I was 55 years old. Ever since then I have been living for myself, doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, with no one telling me not to. I am 65 and love my life,
Glad you are feeling amazing..because you are amazing! I guess you need to change your screenname now..lol. Sadnlonely no more! :)
panther..... YAY!!!! I know you were having a hard time like I was. Doesnt it feel great to finally get to this place? I have to say life right now is good. Hope it is for you too :)
the thing that scares me most is the total loss of self that has emerged.
who am i exactly? i was so in love with her and so involved with her family that i let my own friends and family slip into the background. my biggest mistake was to move away from Preston to Manchester. the only people i know (aside from our 8 year old son) are members of her family.
Carl Jung stated that we have may facets and we choose to show different sides to different people. right now i feel like i have compartmentalised my self so much there isn't a whole being left.
i would say now, I am not afraid of that any more. however, sometimes there is loneliness and that bums me out when it happens. i know it's part of the process so i embrace it and work through it the best i can. but it can be hard sometimes. yet the flip side of that is knowing that it can be just as lonely with someone there, as it was with stbxh. lonelier actually, when you are married to someone and have expectations for him, but they go unfulfilled. thanks for sharing, and for the wonderful article.
Now I'm trying to get back to where I was before I met him. I miss the companionship, etc..and female friends just dont really make up for that.
Not interested in dating really. Doubt I will ever trust anyone enough to get close again. It was hard enough getting to that point the first time.
Scariest thing? Changing doctors and being asked for an emergency contact...and not being able to think of anyone...
I cried and wallowed in the divorce for most of this past year and finally something changed. I accepted it and now I think about what I had with her and I am glad in many ways it is over. I made huge mistakes, I made wrong decisions, but I am so much wiser now. I learned things about relationships I had no idea about. I learned about myself and will be a much better human being moving forward.
Tonight I went to a yoga class and it took me awhile to get comfortable. When I am in those situations it is hard not to think about maybe the one for me is here and I will meet her. The thing is I don't know if I want to meet anyone at this time. I am enjoying being single and "working" on myself. Becoming the person I want to be. I was totally rejected by my stbxw in almost every way. Now rather than search for someone to accept me, I just want to be me.
I always thought I wanted a woman to love me and I think I still do, but it seems so much more important to love myself right now.
Thank you SadNlonely, Thank you so much!
I also think it's in our nature to want to be loved. I know I would like to have a partner to grow old with, but we need to love ME first. I think once that happens people will automatically be drawn to us because we give an impression of 1. Being happy 2. Not needing anyone to make us happy. 3. We can be independent and not have a need for a partner to give us happy and love.
Yes I have read many self help books. Can u tell? Loll