Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So.....it's been 4 months since she left. 4 whole months. And it still hurts just as bad as the night she left me. Now, I know what all of my friends and family are thinking, "good riddance!" "You don't need her!" "She was no good anyway!" "Her lost!" All true statements. But it doesn't take the pain away. 6 years......6 years of my life I've given her. Through all the ups and downs, through all the issues, through all her medical problems, I've been there. I never gave up. This was her 3rd time leaving me. Not once did she leave b/c I was cheating. Not once did she leave b/c I did something wrong. No, she left b/c she doesn't know what she wants. Or is it that she was to be a lil slut. Or is it both. I don't know and probably never will. She never has a complete and reasonable explanation as to why she leaves. Then I hurt. I cry. I get depressed. I mourn for what we had. This last time, I though I could be strong, but of course, like every other time, I caved and begged her back. Prayed for things to go back as they were before, when we were overjoyed to be together. She hasn't come back. Then I got very mean and hurtful. Saying all sorts of things. Texting her for no reason so we could argue. I decided I should do that and tried to be friendly and sweet. Mainly b/c she has some depression issues and other health issues going on, that's she's had for a while, but finally seeking help for. I take her out of town for her birthday, hoping the alone time would help bridge us back together. It didn't. And I felt hurt but her attitude towards us once we returned. So now I'm back to trying to be as neutral to us as possible. Limited contact, since we have a child together. But that proves difficult. She still texts me. Still calls. Still wants to go do things together, even after I told her I couldn't handle it. She has been texting, talking, and screwing other guys but still wants to be around me. I can't handle that. She acts as if she can't stop talking to me. The says she understands when I tell her I can't handle it. But the very next day texts me saying it's too hard. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! I'm so torn. I'm so confused. I'm so lost. Why can't she understand, it's either be my lover or be nothing at all.
This really is not fair to you.
If you want a long term relationship, if I were you I would go no contact with her, that is the only way to go, and move toward a stable future. You will find someone that will want to have a long term relationship. You deserve way better than this girl is willing to give. She leaves, then calls you and wants you to take her out. She is tormenting you. Let her go, for your own sanity.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Because you have a child, I don't believe you can go NO CONTACT, but you can hang up if she goes off the subject of you picking up your daughter. You can block her from your computer e-mails too and you can take her off Facebook.
Insist she ABSOLUTELY has to get therapy and work out HER problems before you two can do anything about the marriage.
Please set consequences of not taking her back and limiting her subjects on phone calls so she knows this is not okay and she went too far and it's time she dealt with her problems.
Since you have a child together, I would talk to her to arrange to have standing visitation dates/time and make sure you are available for that time. Don't go inside her place and have the child come outside so you're not roped into going inside behind closed doors and end up forced to have your wife "talking at you." good luck and hugs.
As easy as it is to say, I know its as hard to do, but you have to take back the reigns on your life. She isn't the only female out there and she isn't even one that seems to fit what you may want in a partner. So you have to take back control of this situation.
Welcome to the group
Today was a horrible day for me; can't stop crying, but what keeps me going and focused are of course my children and this new life I am trying to create.
I have made some major changes- I cannot move right now due to finances (I am living in the same house we shared) but will eventually. I have joined a gym, lost 40 pounds and learning to love myself more. I spent so much time loving him and the family that I forgot about me! I suggest you dig deep and find the strength and courage to make small changes and as you make those changes, you'd begin to feel better about yourself. Love yourself more and pick up the pieces. Please know that as I encourage you, I am encouraging myself!
It s a process and a season and like all seasons this too shall pass!
Take care and best wishes