In a word: bankruptcy. It's not for everyone, but it was a great decision for me. It was another "fresh start" for me after I moved out, as it's intended to be. I've been debt free for 2 years now and have no intention of ever being in debt again. It's a great feeling.

My ex also filed shortly after I did.. If we had been smart, we would have filed together while we were married but divorcing. It would have saved a whole lot of headache during the divorce.

I was in the same boat - married for 23 years. I literally left with just the clothes on my back and some old dishes that we didn't use anymore. Lucky for me, a relative was downsizing and getting rid of a lot of furniture, so she gave it to me for free. I got used utensils and pots/pans from relatives that had upgraded and kept the old stuff around. Garage sales and flea markets are another good way to find cheap stuff. I slowly started buying things I needed as I had money for it. It's not easy, but it can be done. Just try to live within your means. Get a cheap apartment that you can afford; you can always upgrade later on. The most important thing to do is to live as cheaply as possible until your debt is paid off. Then you can breathe a little.

Also keep in mind that filing bankruptcy trashes your credit rating for many years. Try to avoid that if you can; it's not the end of the world, but it takes a long time to build it back up again, and will make getting any car loans, etc. that much more expensive and difficult. Your interest rate will be higher than the norm.

Thank you so much for the insights. Having a lot of different opinions for what worked for you is what makes this site so helpful. I'm not sure bankruptcy will be the way I need to go... I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that my sole income comes from me and that everything from rent to car payments to groceries will be on my head now... It's a lot of change in a shower period of time.

I got lucky with the divorce attorney I hired. First, she only took female clients, she had a financial advisor to help with needs, and also had a weekly group session to help her clients through the tough times. She also only charged what you were available to pay. Needless to say, my ex paid 4X more for his lawyer. See if there is someone like that near you.

Wow, that would be amazing! I'm almost certain my lawyer is costing me a lot more than my STBX's. But well worth the money. She's a much better lawyer than what my STBX hired.

It definitely is terrifying being your own sole support financially. That's why I stayed married for so long - we have 2 kids and I knew I wouldn't be able to give them what they had if we split. It's been a real struggle, but I'd do it again. I've learned I can support myself - just have to stick to a budget and not cave to my kids' every want. Not as many snacks or dinners out. But it's all good because I have peace and tranquility in my life now. That's so much more precious than my old lifestyle.

This is great, got a wealth of knowledge on how to do this successfully. Let me begin,

First you truly are going to have to not only accept, but fall in love with the philosophy "a penny saved is a penny earned".

Second you're going to have to find beauty in "the less expensive" things in life, and realize it actually can create alot of happiness.

Third you're going to have to be discipline.

I'll now explain the three suggestions in detail.

1. I am 33 and with little to no help have supported myself to the best of my abilities on less than around 14 to 20 thousand dollars a year, for the last six years. At times I've lived like a king not because of anything else but being smart and knowing deals are there to be found. For instance, any money that comes in the form of bonus or gift, goes directly into bills with no hesitation automatically. Tons of times I've had to check the companies I pay bills to after they insisted I owned nothing, simply because they couldn't believe I was paying ahead of time as a saftey net for future liabiliites if you will. Not only will this take your annual rates down in the long run, you're relationships with the companies will be sound to the point where they will start actually offering you deals that the common person will never hear, simply due to you being proactive with bill paying ahead of time. For instance six years ago my annual monthy rate for power was around half more than it is right now. This is after a financial collapse, after a "bad economy", after gridlocked government fighting. People want to say or blame problems on "bad ecomony" all the time but the fact of the matter is the individual creates his own economy within the global economy. Since I have not only paid on time with my bills but also habitually built up positive balances of credit, I can now use twice as much power as I began with, for the same amount! You really gotta learn how to play the game of penny pinching, there is no shame in it especially if you are just trying to survive. As far as designer or brand name lifestyle is concerned, that if you want it is just going to have to wait. The good news is before I grew or groomed myself into responsibility through support, I was a designer guy who liked nice things. Now that I've learned that using money wisely is better than all the name brands in the world combined, I have no desire to be either high class or think high class any longer, strictly due to having to learn to appreciate the stretching of any dollar earned. You're going to have to kind of work hard at it, but it will be rewarding because it will stick and you can pass it on to your future husband and children. It sounds like the last guy you were with honestly thought money grew on trees, and this is the biggest lie ever, more so than that snake shit in the bible, in my opinion. Money does not, and will never grow on trees, furthermore it can't be spent that way either, if you want to live happy.

All the furnishing should take care of themselves, you'll have a friend getting rid of this or a yard sale offering a nice couch or something, so I wouldn't worry about that if you don't have to. Also you are going to have to sometimes fight for the right price or respect when dealing with either lazy or indifferent customer service personnel. I am in debt, and will continue to be, not because I don't think I have to pay (most of it is medical expenses), but because of shitty customer service that doesn't deserve money in the first place if you ask me, so don't worry about debt, paying a creditor will not pay for a Dr. appointment or put food in your belly. Probably the smartest, but often sometimes hardest thing, to do is not have a care or worry about the future at all, when you've got to support yourself. If you are an American, or even not, it's important to realize that advertising and corporate publications are not the free market, they are just portions of the "beast" if you will. The best course of action when trying to survive is an open mind, love, truth, and faith. Let me explain,

For years before I was on my own I would hear how this company is bad or "don't shop here", etc. When I got out on my own I saw that all it really is if looked at correctly is an opportunity to support oneself as a whole, so it's designed for you to succeed. If people like your ex would just get out of the way and let the real ballers penny pinch and construct, production would flow like none other, and we as a world would be so wealthy welfare would mimic a vacation period. So if I have an open mind and keep it simple, I begin to feel loved by this market, what you will be dealing with, and it will become effortless for you to see what truly is a deal or worth buying for the future so you can stay balanced and happy.

I could talk for days about how to save economically, particularly on food. Most people would rather say they spent 100 dollars last night on a nice dinner than admit a person can make 5 nice dinners for 100 dollars very easily. It's this social structure that we have made ourselves into, it's not bad entirely, it's just not always true. Alot of people want to fantasize or imagine that money and expenses are in some weird way a friend or a virtue, this is complete bullshit. The fact remains and will always remain that money causes more problems than no money as a law, unless you are dying and needy, then the fuckers aren't going to give you money anyway still, so it's better to respect money and deal wisely with it, than to complain or hate the fact that it hasn't covered you with it's blessings. Seriously, if you read my SS statement, you'd see I've never grossed close to 5 grand a year, and never have had a total income of over 25,000 dollars in 33 years. However I feel and know I do some king shit with money, because I don't lie to myself and say it's my friend, money is not my friend (I don't know about you), I like to tame money kind of in a humorous sense, I have major problems with something so influential (but literally at the same time having no mind to speak or influence with) dictating how my life is going to go when all I have to do is light it on fire and it's gone. So you're telling me to survive in this world I've got to acquire alot of something I could easily throw in an ocean or burn with fire? Complete bullshit, what they need to say is, "Don't let money make you it's bitch, because it will if you want it to".

2. Find beauty in the "ugly" or "non-elite" if you will as a mercantile philosophy. Sorry I have no clue why I just used the word "mercantile" other than to sound smart, let me explain. For the last six years I've been surviving on hand me downs of all kinds, shapes, and brands. I actually currently still have a couch that was given to me, whom I think the brats knew someone died on and did it as a cruel joke, and also the good samaritan in me let an alcoholic "bum" sleep on for months. It's the worst piece of furniture I've ever had in my presence and the only reason I still have it is it beats sitting on the floor. It's that simple, it's just a different quality of life, the need of a coach is still getting met though. So don't be afraid to downgrade in search of simplicity. Another example is I will do no shoe shopping other than at payless, and I used to have probably 30 pairs of brand name shoes at one time in the past. The fact of the matter is I don't need 30 pairs of brand named shoes, I wanted them, and all I need is one pair, on any given day, and that's the solution. Less really is better when first starting out, it will leave you less confused and you'll get to know who you really are or really want to be in the process. So to cut back isn't as bad as it seems if you are removing things that are problems.

3. Lastly, like I said you're going to have to either accept your will to be discipline or probably not spend as wisely as you could. Some people could care less about spending wisely but all people couldn't care more about not having any money, unless they truly do not care, so it's best to be proactive and set up your spending plan if you can. For instance start with your bigs, mediums, and littles. Bigs are rent, utilities, transportation, health, and food. Mediums are spending money, clothes, and anything else that isn't a definite need, but wouldn't be so bad if they needed to be there, like comforts and sorts. If you like art, and don't want to stare at walls in your new place, then a medium spendature could be seen as a trip to Pier One or something like that, that is a set amount. For instance command yourself to not spend one penny more at Peir One, etc, and reward yourself for spending five less than 100 if you end up only paying 95 dollars for your interior decorating. Be creative, be yourself, listen to nobody unless you are asking an honest question and need an honest answer. Eventually you'll go on a sort of auto-pilot and income won't even be a problem because you segmented it in a way that is the least drama producing as possible. Little expenses, which to most will sound like big expenses after I describe, basically is one big savings. If you want to take a trip or go out on a date, you need to have a sort of "pond of money" to dip into as if it wasn't there in the first place as a source of payment. Other little things are recreations, hobbies, anything that makes you feel better about yourself but again aren't necessarily needed to be happy, if looked at seriously.

I wish you luck, just looking at your grievance, I can see that both kitchen and bath will probably cause some apprehension. Just know that you can easily get very nice towels and very nice cookware for no more than 100-200 dollars total. 200 dollars is not worth getting worked up about, and usually it's not the money we worry about that has to be spent, because we always know money will be there in the future, it's the feeling of loss when buying, and if you search for deals and buys, you'll never feel like you "lost money by buying" something.

You're going to do just fine, you're asking questions and want to know, I wish you well.

There's a website, freecycle.org that we used to get stuff on. You give to others when you are not needing something, and when you are in need you get. It's all free ads of stuff people are wanting to get rid of and give away. You just go pick it up, some even will deliver. :) best of luck. Xxxxxxxx

Agree on all points Cherryt

Start slowly, accept what you can afford even if they're hand-me downs. Buy items as you need them and only buy if necessary. If friends are going to give you something for b-day, x-mas, don't be afraid to make a request. I've pooled money with another GF to buy something expensive for another GF's birthday. Beware of credit cards! I am reducing mine to 1 (from the original 3).