Don't give up! I understand your feelings as I have had them too. It hurts. Now you can begin moving on. It sucks but we'll get thru it.

Completely struggling at work already. Texted her to make sure we were clear on everything. She has not written me back and it's making me mental. I am just in a really horrible place right now. Beyond horrible.

So sorry you're going through this truly. You ask the question how can the person you love so dearly do this too you.

Don't give up. NEVER give up. If there is no fixing things then don't give up on yourself. Embrace each moment and make it a good one. I know it is easier said than done but it is also not impossible to do.
Take life by the balls and make a plan of action. TODAY!!! Can anything be done to fix this? Start with yourself. What can you do to make yourself better? What needs to be done TODAY to improve your life? Start from there. Don't lie down in the face of adversity, rise to the challenge. The only way out of this (divorce or no divorce) is to get up, man up and start making a change in your life.
The BEST advice I have ever gotten was "MAN UP". I hated the person who told me this while I was crying my eyes out and curled up in a ball like a little 5 year old girl. But guess what, SHE was right. I had to man up and take control of my life. The moment I made the conscious decision to do it everything and I do mean EVERYTHING fell into place. My work, my love life, my health, my happiness, my inner peace, etc....
So my advice to you is, while it is easy to fall to pieces and curl up in a ball and cry. It is your duty to yourself to cry for 20 minutes and then get up, MAN UP and take control. Do it today because each day curled up in a ball is miles down that black hole of depression and much harder to get up later.
Good luck my friend. I know you can do it.

UGH she sounds like my husband. Says things but don't think far ahead. If you are threatening with divorce have a plan. Like what others said all you can do is take care of yourself! Cry if you want to and do what makes you happy. Easier said than done I know!!

Yuck..well unfortunately this sounds like she's either all ready found someone else or has her hooks ready to claw into someone. My ex wife was the same but it was months later I learned the truth and with who and boy did all the pieces fall into place then. My advice based on my experience is document the hell out of her behavior and absenteeism in regards to the kids and do not forego that lawyer appointment, it's all about YOU now and how your future is going to take shape. Her focus is not on you at all its all on her. That's all she's worried about, HERSELF. Been there done that, yeah it's hard but I'm almost 3 years out so the pain has subsided and it will for you too..

Thanks everyone for the great advice. It has gotten far worse as the day has gone out. We had a text battle for over an hour. There is just no reasoning with her (or to be fair, her with me), so it does not look like this is going to be an amicable divorce. I really thought, at some point, she would see that maybe she was making a mistake, that she values what our family has, and she could see that I was working on things I needed to make myself better. But she badly wants to bail, and kbbcoop you are right, she has more than once told me she is much more interested in helping herself than me, or even the kids. This is not the woman I fell in love with, and I don't know if that woman will ever be back.

It's a skin crawling feeling, the worst thing I ever went through. To top it off my mom died a few months after my wife left me, she lived a couple miles away it was totally unexpected she was only 67...then a couple months after that I got home from work and my dog had died I had for 12 years or so...it was the year from hell but I got through it. I did get some Xanax from my doctor as it felt like I was going bonkers and couldn't function and that helped, it was temporary and I'm not taking anything now. But the wife cheating and leaving was the worst of everything, the betrayal, the end of 24 years together where you felt you had each others back and all of a sudden shes gone. I can say minimal to no contact and time is really the key. I still think about her but not like I would ever get back with her, more angry and disbelief. They say you have to forgive them to move forward but I think that's horseshit. She left me and our daughter to find "her happiness", by cheating and lying. Why they pull this who knows but it's far too common. It certainly has made me think twice about serious relationships again, although I've been talking to a gal I'm still leery. It's a screwy situation just be there for your kids, my kids spend all holidays with me they know their mother is bonkers and she's admitted to our daughter she's only with knucklehead still cause he pays the bills. Sounds like true love to me.

My mom died in May, and our second dog died in March. So, I've had an almost identical year. Not on any medication, yet. Will probably need some soon. I am starting to feel like I have very little to live for, especially if she tries to take my kids away. That would be like living in hell. My soul and heart are completely crushed. Hard to function at work, impossible to sleep, eating habits all over the map (skinniest I have been ever) . Just need something positive to happen to me and soon. Starting to question why I'm even here.

Yeah those feelings are normal, she can't take your kids away I think you'll feel better after seeing your attorney, gives you a sense of control and being proactive in this shitstorm. Sorry for your losses, they seem to pile up yes? Believe me I thought about driving my car into barricades etc, but trust me it's temporary. I've got a great relationship with my kids now and quite frankly with my ex out of the house it's been more peaceful and a lot less stress..her leaving for the weekends etc it was just not sustainable with my daughter at home. So grieve some, work it out in your head, don't be afraid to see a doctor for some temp help, it helped take the edge off for me. But remember your KIDS need their dad, they need a sane parent. That's what keeps me going..hang in there

Oh and one thing I did do, sounds cliche but it really helped ..join a gym. Not sure if you belong to one but an hour a day doing cardio..I tell ya nothing made me feel better than that. I guess it's the endorphins or whatever but it really did help..

Already run 60-95 minutes a day, and it's just making me more depressed. Different strokes for different folks.

Talk with your attorney then find a counselor. You need to make sure to take care of yourself too. So that you can be a great father to your children. You don't want your wife finding out how desperate you are and she may insist your unfit to take care of your kids. Take things slow, stop texting her, don't be available for her. Show your strength and not your weakness. Are you moving or is she? You get all your ducks in a row before she jerks the rug out from under you. Hang in there, Find a support group and it will also help you with your self esteem and self improvement.

I refused to move out, so apparently, she is looking for another place. She has tried talking me out of going to an attorney in multiple occasions. Not going to work. My attorney is one of the top divorce attorneys in my state and she is the mom of a high school friend of mine, so there is trust there.

Hang in there. Been going through a similar situation for the last several months. Don't get into the texting with her, they love the text wars. Trust me mine is an expert at it. My wife wanted me to move out I'm under the ruse to work on our marriage. I found out she was seeing someone else a real douche. Posts on FB directed at me and pics of them together - a lot of class. I refused to move out and I stuck by our 2 boys. They are the real victims. Defintely document the hell out of everything. She didn't want to go with lawyers and told me I'm not trying to "F" you over. Shockingly and I mean that sarcastically that's all she has done. Threatened to have me removed from the house, threatened to got to the police to claim theft. All just lies and to busy listening to the loser guy she's with. I lawyered up and she followed suit. I am just about protecting the boys. She does the bear minimum for them. She ended up getting a place with the BF and she just keeps withdrawing from her IRA. Hasn't had a job since January (she worked for 19 yrs for the same company. Only thing she does is help this guy and his kids rather than her own. I got the boys in counseling along with myself. Holidays are and will be tough but I am making the best of it with my boys. We have a temporary custody order and she could start with overnight visits with the boys. Moved in with the BF on Nov 1st has not had them overnight yet. Has seen the boys 3 times each time for a couple hours. Just sad for the boys they are having resentment issues towards her and understandably so. Fight the good fight and protect yourself.