Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello All,
Well it been a couple of weeks since Ive written, I just tried to avoid it as I was felling OK and did not want to think too much, Im now thinking that was a bad idea.
Anyway its been just over a month since my divorce was finalized, so much has happened since that day. From finding out my Ex was on a cruise just 3 days after the divorce (with the other guy), to her coming by 10 days after the divorce to pick up her remaining things, and me having to help her pack, to now not having spoken with her in over 2 weeks. Its been a very hard month for me.
Ive defiantly had my ups and downs this month. The ups seem to be about even with the downs and Ill take that as since January when she left it was 99% down time throughout the day and night. However this week I am really in a rut as I think I tried to move a bit too fast. Living in Orlando we have season passes to all the major theme parts and loved to go together. Well this weekend I decided to go and it really impacted me in a negative way as it brought up so many great times and memories.
On Saturday I went to Universal by myself, as I was on my way I felt my anxiety level rising and should have turned around but chose not to. When I arrived I was almost like in panic mode, it was so strange. I decided to catch a movie (Money Maker) to distract my mind. After the movie I ventured into Islands of Adventure and just walked through at a fast pace stopping at nothing, tearing up many times throughout my walk. It hurt so much to pass all the memories we made in the past while visiting IOA and it especially hurt to see all the happy couples and families. It broke my heart all over again!!
On Sunday my friends and their kid decided to go see Captain America and asked if I wanted to go, so I did. The theater was in Downtown Disney (Now Disney Springs), one of the favorite places the Ex and I used to go frequently, and seen many a moves there. I knew going there was going to be really hard, but not has hard I expected. After the movies we walked around and this is where I felt myself really slipping backwards. My emotions were all over the place, I was sweating, crying, pacing around in circles, I must have looked like a nut. My friends were very understanding and insisted we leave almost instantly, so we left and went to grab some lunch off Disney property.
When I got home I was hurting so badly, even taking my dog for a long walk did not help, I was in a really be place. I cracked open a bottle of wine (then another) and drank the afternoon away, I did nothing but reminisce and cry until I decided to go to bed at about 7pm. I guess I drank too much as I slept through the night which was good.
I woke Monday and was still in a very down mood, back to not giving a fuck about life and hoping on my car ride into work something would happen to finally take me away from my miserable life. Sadly its now almost Tuesday afternoon and Im felling the same way, just not wanting to go on. How can I be back at this place, I was doing pretty damn good and just going to some parks set me back miles. This scares me as I know this will continue to happen when I go places or on special days / holiday throughout the year and I just dont want to face it. I feel like I am not strong enough to face it.
So now it seems like I am back to square 1. All the questions of what happened to lead me here, the sadness of knowing shes with this other man and probably was for many months while we were married, the feeling of loneliness and not knowing if Ill be alone for the rest of my life, etc. I just dont know what to do anymore, I cannot continue to have these ups and downs as the downs seem to get more severe when they come. Im trying to get myself back out of this but just cannot see anything to be positive about right now, especially with the summer coming up and nothing planed, 1st time in I could not tell you how long.
Life just sucks, and I hate it!
Anyway I have to get back to work, have a good afternoon everyone,
Felix
Well it been a couple of weeks since Ive written, I just tried to avoid it as I was felling OK and did not want to think too much, Im now thinking that was a bad idea.
Anyway its been just over a month since my divorce was finalized, so much has happened since that day. From finding out my Ex was on a cruise just 3 days after the divorce (with the other guy), to her coming by 10 days after the divorce to pick up her remaining things, and me having to help her pack, to now not having spoken with her in over 2 weeks. Its been a very hard month for me.
Ive defiantly had my ups and downs this month. The ups seem to be about even with the downs and Ill take that as since January when she left it was 99% down time throughout the day and night. However this week I am really in a rut as I think I tried to move a bit too fast. Living in Orlando we have season passes to all the major theme parts and loved to go together. Well this weekend I decided to go and it really impacted me in a negative way as it brought up so many great times and memories.
On Saturday I went to Universal by myself, as I was on my way I felt my anxiety level rising and should have turned around but chose not to. When I arrived I was almost like in panic mode, it was so strange. I decided to catch a movie (Money Maker) to distract my mind. After the movie I ventured into Islands of Adventure and just walked through at a fast pace stopping at nothing, tearing up many times throughout my walk. It hurt so much to pass all the memories we made in the past while visiting IOA and it especially hurt to see all the happy couples and families. It broke my heart all over again!!
On Sunday my friends and their kid decided to go see Captain America and asked if I wanted to go, so I did. The theater was in Downtown Disney (Now Disney Springs), one of the favorite places the Ex and I used to go frequently, and seen many a moves there. I knew going there was going to be really hard, but not has hard I expected. After the movies we walked around and this is where I felt myself really slipping backwards. My emotions were all over the place, I was sweating, crying, pacing around in circles, I must have looked like a nut. My friends were very understanding and insisted we leave almost instantly, so we left and went to grab some lunch off Disney property.
When I got home I was hurting so badly, even taking my dog for a long walk did not help, I was in a really be place. I cracked open a bottle of wine (then another) and drank the afternoon away, I did nothing but reminisce and cry until I decided to go to bed at about 7pm. I guess I drank too much as I slept through the night which was good.
I woke Monday and was still in a very down mood, back to not giving a fuck about life and hoping on my car ride into work something would happen to finally take me away from my miserable life. Sadly its now almost Tuesday afternoon and Im felling the same way, just not wanting to go on. How can I be back at this place, I was doing pretty damn good and just going to some parks set me back miles. This scares me as I know this will continue to happen when I go places or on special days / holiday throughout the year and I just dont want to face it. I feel like I am not strong enough to face it.
So now it seems like I am back to square 1. All the questions of what happened to lead me here, the sadness of knowing shes with this other man and probably was for many months while we were married, the feeling of loneliness and not knowing if Ill be alone for the rest of my life, etc. I just dont know what to do anymore, I cannot continue to have these ups and downs as the downs seem to get more severe when they come. Im trying to get myself back out of this but just cannot see anything to be positive about right now, especially with the summer coming up and nothing planed, 1st time in I could not tell you how long.
Life just sucks, and I hate it!
Anyway I have to get back to work, have a good afternoon everyone,
Felix
I know that the knowledge that what you are going through is normal and that others go through the same thing is of little or no comfort. BUT it does help to understand that these are just stages and stages are meant to be felt and pushed through, not ignored.
I will give you a piece of advice: DON'T DRINK. Alcohol might numb the feelings for a little while or help you sleep but it does more damage than good. Even one beer or one glass of wine will do a lot of damage when feeling the way you are feeling. Healthy food and exercise is the best way to go when it comes to diet.
I haven't posted lately because of the same reasons you gave. I broke up with my ex of two and a half years in Jaunuary and suffered for a while. After a divorce and a toxic relationship which nearly killed me from a depression this time was not as hard as before, but still pretty fucked up. I guess this time around I knew what to stay away from and how to handle it a lot better than I had done before.
Nevertheless I am still having a few random moments where it all comes back. Not as strong as in January but still hits close to home.
For example I went on a trip this weekend with a lovely woman I am seeing (taking it slowly) and had a great time at the beach. The sex was AMAZING and she and I just click in everything. I also find her extremely attractive and love her green eyes and smile. So you can imagine how this weekend felt for me. Then we came home and my ex (unfortunately) lives right across the street from me. The whole weekend she didn't pop into my head ONCE. Then as soon as I got home and saw her car parked in front and her boyfriend's car parked there my heart sank. (She started dating 2 weeks after we broke up and I am pretty sure she was probably at least talking to him before we broke up.) So I went into my house and looked at myself in the mirror and spoke to ME. Just reminded myself that everything will be ok. That the past is in the past and I am in a better place. Recounted my steps and what it took to get to the place I am in. Maybe I am not 100% healed but I already bit the bullet and suffered through the worst parts of it all.... So why break now? The worst is behind me and the best part of the healing process is yet to come.
Love yourself enough to keep walking that path you are walking. You are doing so great and these bumps might break us, might make us tumble and maybe falll. But WE WILL GET BACK UP STRONGER THAN EVER.
These women/men who hurt us because they are so selfish DO NOT deserve our love or our tears and especially our time or our pain. We deserve better and they just deserve to be forgotten and let go of. So let go and forget. Don't hate don't suffer and don't love... These people do NOT deserve even our hate. They just deserve to not matter.
Good Luck My Friend.... You are awesome and like I said you are doing GREAT. Keep it up.
It sucks that this process isn't linear. But, as you said, you are doing better. One day you'll wake up and realize you hadn't had one thought about the ex the previous day. It will happen.
I know it's hard, but try not to worry about whether you'll be alone for the rest of your life. That just helps to keep you in that downward spiral.
There's a great little book called The Way to Love by Anthony DeMello. In it he says the reason we are unhappy is because we focus on what we don't have instead of what we do have. He reminds us that we have exactly what we need in each moment. And all we really have is this moment.
The best thing we can do is accept, honor, embrace and feel the feelings, whatever they are. I learned that the only way past the pain is through it.
None of this is easy, but there is a light and a good life at the end of the darkness.
~healing hugs~
My ex goes past on his motorcycle with new girlfriend a few times a week.
Sometimes he goes past and honestly I feel sorry for her. I know what she's in for. Other days I'm in tears, I hate myself, and come here begging for help.
Just please listen to LonelyWolf - the alcohol will sooth you for a moment, but will end up kicking you in the ass.
Its will pass, and it will lessen.
Don't make the mistake of telling people you're healed more than you actually are, on your good days. Let people who care about you know you're still hurting and have ups and downs. I am very careful to tell my friends that I have not "moved on"--not so as to wallow in my grief, but because it's important that people don't expect more from you than you can give right now. Even my boss knows the situation though I have been vague about it. I had one bad week at work where I made tons of mistakes, and he told me he wasn't even worried about it because he knows why.
I've learned to stay away from triggers. Movies we saw together, games we played, restaurants we shared . . .sometimes it feels like maybe it won't bother me but I have decided to play it safe and not risk it. Allow those things to be part of your past. Stay strong!!