Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Well, I had a couple of good weeks up until last week. I had several triggers, one of which was my first birthday without her. I have still not heard from her, the divorce is going full steam ahead, and now she has done things that are essentially unforgivable. But, I still love her? And still, her last words were she loves me to death and she asked all of our friends and family if she was doing the right thing and that she loved me.
Went for a run this morning, the weather finally broke, and it was the first run on the trail without her by my side. I quickly discovered that what I loved about anything I did, was having her by my side, we were inseparable, until my infamous outburst. I hate the fact that my sobriety date is the same day that I last saw her, talked to her, heard her say she loved me to death. And then, poof!
I looked back at pictures this week, and I just don't see this person in any of them. Friends have said the same, that her actions (I can't get into details, it involves my kids from a previous marriage and money) are bizarre, that it is like she is a different person. Yet 6 years of being fooled? Begging me practically to open my heart and learn to love again?
Still, I took care of her, her kids, supported the family, and despite the bad place I was in personally, managed to be a good father and step father. I don't know what I was doing right for a couple of weeks there, I wish I could get it back. Forever is just the word I keep thinking, and never again, not even a phone call, no "hey, maybe we should talk before we dissolve what has been an otherwise amazing relationship, friendship, soul mates..." Just silence and piling it on, probably in hopes that I relapse after 17 weeks, knowing that death is a real option in my disease.
I suppose I am venting, I had gotten away from the forum a little bit. Maybe my "strength" was perceived as "he's OK again". But, I'm not. I'm back to devastation after feeling hopeful about life after her. Is this normal? Do we ever give up hope on the ones we love more than anything? Do we ever find hope, permanent true hope that we will be happy again and be ourselves, just new and improved somehow, despite the vacuum in our hearts? How do we take the time spent loving somebody unconditionally and put it in a box for permanent storage because it will never be again and is only hurtful?
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest...
Went for a run this morning, the weather finally broke, and it was the first run on the trail without her by my side. I quickly discovered that what I loved about anything I did, was having her by my side, we were inseparable, until my infamous outburst. I hate the fact that my sobriety date is the same day that I last saw her, talked to her, heard her say she loved me to death. And then, poof!
I looked back at pictures this week, and I just don't see this person in any of them. Friends have said the same, that her actions (I can't get into details, it involves my kids from a previous marriage and money) are bizarre, that it is like she is a different person. Yet 6 years of being fooled? Begging me practically to open my heart and learn to love again?
Still, I took care of her, her kids, supported the family, and despite the bad place I was in personally, managed to be a good father and step father. I don't know what I was doing right for a couple of weeks there, I wish I could get it back. Forever is just the word I keep thinking, and never again, not even a phone call, no "hey, maybe we should talk before we dissolve what has been an otherwise amazing relationship, friendship, soul mates..." Just silence and piling it on, probably in hopes that I relapse after 17 weeks, knowing that death is a real option in my disease.
I suppose I am venting, I had gotten away from the forum a little bit. Maybe my "strength" was perceived as "he's OK again". But, I'm not. I'm back to devastation after feeling hopeful about life after her. Is this normal? Do we ever give up hope on the ones we love more than anything? Do we ever find hope, permanent true hope that we will be happy again and be ourselves, just new and improved somehow, despite the vacuum in our hearts? How do we take the time spent loving somebody unconditionally and put it in a box for permanent storage because it will never be again and is only hurtful?
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest...
firsts" that you will go thru.
It is a real option in your disease, but I don't believe she is doing whatever she is, in hopes it drives you there. I don't know the details of what she is going, but I don't think she is thinking about what her actions are going to do to you, that you can probably bet on. She is probably just thinking about her own self medicating at the moment. Unfortunately, there are consequences to her actions that she may not know, they are very real to you.
Listen, there are going to be times where you feel hopeful, looking towards the next step, and there will be times where you are feeling at your lowest, certainly not looking forward to the next day, let alone your next step. With your disease, you run a greater risk to stay with the latter, once you get there. The only one you can pull you out of it is you.
You remembering why you got yourself sober. You remembering that point you got to before you were sober that you never want to get to again. You remembering that your strength is there and can get you through. You remembering that your life is meant to be lived by you.
As for that permanent storage you speak of, we all get there in our own way. You will find it within yourself, when you are ready, to let what was, stay where it is.
Stay strong, you know you can and want to do this. That in itself will bring hope where you thought there was none.