Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello, I thought I had learned from the last time, but here is the story. It's a quite lenghty.
What do you all think of a 50 year old man leaving you a break-up letter on your back porch? I dated this guy for only 8 months. It wasn’t the best relationship, at first he was one of them “to good to be true” guy's. He was an alcoholic, but I didn't know the extent of it until I started developing feelings. I spent most of those months in bars, in the beginning we went on some dates, he was very attentive, constantly showering me with compliments and he would text me all day & night. Then after several months then the texts and compliments sort of dwindled down a bit. The man was extremely condescending and always had to be right.
The excuse for him breaking up with me was that he was tired of being judged by my “peeps” so he said. He said it would help me in the future to not get so mad at everything and not to worry so much. This man started to make me feel stupid to the point that I was afraid of saying anything as I didn't want to say something wrong. I walked on eggs shells, and talk about double standards. Everyone I introduced him to got a bad vibe from him, my son said he was a nice guy but very weird. He was not nice when he was drinking, he would leave me at a bar or whever we were if I said something to upset him, and the he would ignore me for a few days until I ultimately apologized so he would talk to me again. I never seen where he lived, he wasn’t married, actually he never married, no kids and never had a long term relationship. I questioned those things and he said I wouldn’t like his apartment as he likes to keep his place cold, a friend of his said it was a dump, and that he didn’t even have a stove, it’s not like he doesn’t have money because he has a lot. He would stay at my house most of the time, but he would sleep on the couch a lot (odd to me), he said it was due to his sinuses bothering him. When he would drink he would share things with me, and then cry, his dad used to lock him in the closet and molested as a child, which his friends thinks it was the dad, he never said who it was, being a police officer doesn’t help his case with the drinking problem. I used to question why he would tell me over and over when he would drink “I will never cheat on you, I will never screw you over” he would make me promise the same thing to him. In the beginning he said he was looking for someone who was Honest, Loyal and Legit” and I was all three those things to him. He would constantly bring up all his ex-girlfriends in random conversation and then tell me I was too sensitive for getting upset when I told him to stop bringing them up. I really think he broke it off with me because I called him out on his love for drinking, drinking a glass of vodka & 7-up before 10 am screams issues, and I told him just that. Then about a month later he started distancing himself, the texts would not come as often as before, and then that’s when I received the break-up letter. A few couple of weeks after receiving a letter he’s spotted in a bar with a new girl, two months later they are in an exclusive relationship on face book, and he never would post anything about us. I believe he did indeed cheat on me and this new girl shares his passion of drinking, she has two young teenage boys who live with their dad in another state, so that tells me something isn’t right. I will never understand why a mother doesn’t have her kids. I know there are exceptions, but if your healthy, have a job, a place to provide for them then why should you want them with you. I couldn’t ever go without seeing my son, even now at his age of 30. It has been a struggle for me these past 3 months, and trying to get over this break-up. I feel like I was totally blindsided. I’ve been going to church, praying and reading the bible and let me tell you at first I was skeptical, but as my faith grows the thoughts of him and her are no longer front & center in my head. I think God is listening. The man was at his best sober, very generous with his money, but I think he tries to buy people. Of course now that were no longer together people (his aquaintances) want to tell me that he was into the bar chicks. I think at the end of the day I he couldn't handle a woman of my caliber, meaning a pretty structured and disciplined woman, if that makes sense. He needed a women who needed him and I am very independent.
Thanks for taking the time to read, sorry it’s long, but it has helps me to make sense of it all and that I am not the crazy one.
Kind of reminds me of my stbx late father-in-law. After his divorce from stbx's mom, he lived the bar fly life (I'm guessing he did that why married too). At one point, his second job was bartending, and he lived in the apartment upstairs from the bar. This guy was an alcoholic, but we don't talk about that, now do we. He used to brag about how much he drank while at work, he'd give a shot to customers then take one himself. I guess the customers loved him there. When I met him, he was on woman #3 or #4, who herself was a barfly, but apparently the nicest, compared to the others. He left her, she was heartbroken as were his children. He finally got old enough that he became tired of the bar scene, so he married a dumb ass waitress who would serve him and attend to his every need. He drank the rest of his life away, comfortably at home with the servant, ah, waitress. He was 67 when he died of liver cancer.