Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi,
I am totally new here and totally lost. My partner broke up with me out of the blue at the weekend. He is battling with anxiety and instead of seeking help, he thought it best just to end our relationship so neither of us had to suffer. I am left completely blindsighted and heartbroken. The worst thing is, he still wants me in his life. He says i'm his best friend and that he doesn't want to lose me completely, that he can't even fathom it. Everything has always been on his terms, when and how he contacted, when we saw each other and I guess because i was happy, I pushed this aside cause I had him. I have a small support network cause i live far from home and I don't know how to move forward and attempt to fix myself. He has done major damage to my view of myself and I just feel hopeless. :(
I went through this last year. It's brutal and I'm very sorry. I think your partner made a decision and for your self respect, he needs to not contact you / you need to not contact him. Our brains get rewired when we fall in love with someone. All of our thoughts get turned toward that other person, even in little ways because there's a lot of chemicals involved in love. When that is taken away, it's like an addiction ending, and the process of falling out of love works exactly the same way in reverse. You can look it up - your mind will slowly have to rewire itself, it's literally painful.
The person who initiates the breakup doesn't want you in that role in their lives anymore. They've already rewired, they don't need you maybe as much or at all. But their process is further ahead than yours. I would suggest you take this as an opportunity (it's scary, I know) to broaden that network. Use meetup.com or start exercising to bring yourself around people. But get away from him.
I'm a year out from my separation and I'm able to talk to my ex about our kids. I don't really want to talk to her about anything else. She's not a bad person, but I like my life without her now. Give yourself time, and be forgiving. The hopelessness will pass, and there will probably be some anger, let yourself feel both.
Because things were so much on his terms, that whispers to me that this may have been slightly abusive. That's what I would describe my previous life like.
Each day will get a little better, I promise. Best of luck.
I wanted to stay friends with him, but I know now that he has moved on as he is dating a woman he met while in the hospital showing me disrespect and hurting me even more knowing that I was going to wait for him to work on all of his issues.
Don't wait. Go to your friends and relationships that are there for you. Weekends are very hard. Keep yourself busy, what ever you can. Be around people that are good to you and will help you feel good again.
It does get better but the pain is there and will be for a while...Love is not easy. Scary to fall into love and falling out of love is even harder and painful.
Know we are hear and God does not give you more than he can raise you up from, I didn't believe that but spent a long time talking to my pastor two weeks ago and he really helped.
Peace and hugs to you. Praying for your sad heart to be glad again. We can all get through this together. Thank the Lord we have this site to help us.