I'm not a teacher... heaven forbid - you wouldn't want your kids with me on a daily basis, but I would think it would depend on the type of divorce - as in was it an angry emotional one, were the kids put in the middle, etc..
I think each divorce is so different, I would think each kid would handle it differently.
Also, if one parent is consistent with the way the school work is handled, the kid's probably have a better chance of staying consistent in doing school work.

I don't know, just my opinion.

In my experience, I find the best adjusted chldren of divorce are the ones who have stable home with one of the parents, but whose other parent is positively involved. I have observed that (in general) kids who split their time evenly are often in that situation because the parents were looking out for themselves in the arrangements, not what was best for the child. I'm sure that there are situations where it works well, I am just basing this on my own 27 years of experience with middle schoolers...most of them are aliens anyway, lol.

I teach almost exclusively children from broken families, it's very rare any of my at-risk teens have both parents interested and actively engaged in their lives. They lead very inconsistent lives, and have more troubles than I ever have., and for the most part we're thrilled that 30% graduate and find employment.

I am the parent of a teen who has been in a shared custody arrangement since he was two and he is a straight A student, well adjusted, busier social calendar than me, talented, and physically healthy. We were told by age 12 he would probably express an interest in staying more at one household than the other, but so far he has no interest in changing the custody schedule.

So far, so good.

One of my gf's shared custody of her 3 children with her ex, even though they all said they would rather spend more time in her home than dad's, but she insisted in order to keep their relationship with their dad as strong as possible, and the last one just went to university on an athletic scholarship, they're all 3 polite, hard working, social, great young people.

Consistency is a word you used which I think does matter a great deal, but sharing custody can be done in a consistent manner, both parents can present a united front in terms of discipline, routines, co-operation and expectations, especially if they have the common goal of the best interests of the children.

Yup,I'm a teacher, and I have seen mixed reviews. I also have volunteered at my Church, weekly, for children who lost parents thru death or divorce. Check and see whether your church has any such group. We'd play in the gym, do arts and crafts, do puppet shows, and have a little bible lesson. It gave the kids a chance to take their minds off the "divorce or death business", and just be kids, supported by adults who knew they needed that little extra attention or hug. Usually the kids were dropped off, as the parents attended some kind of class thru the church. It's a huge church of about 3,000 members weekly, called Willow Creek near the Chgo, in the Burbs. I find that the larger churches have this kind of divorce group for kids, more often than not.

But, back to your question: it is a unique situation for each family. No set rules or outcomes, in my opinion. But yeah, consistency is a must, as well as the kids being in a stable environment, where they see both parents functioning well, and not fighting like maniacs or harboring all kinds of resentment. But, my dear, right now, I'm more concerned about you, and how you are holding up.

The kids, I'm sure sense the depression, anxiety, and uncertainty, no matter how well you think you are covering up! They have that instinct, and they are smart boys, and getting older, especially your older one! By continuing counseling, as well as taking y our meds, you are doing all a service. You have no choice but to keep pushing on, and trying to establish some semblance of normality, otherwise they can/will internalize stuff.

Please, work on getting some sleep, and eating properly! Those are the priorities right now for you! When that starts to occur, the rest will fall in place. But being in limbo so long....has gotta be hell for anyone! I don't care how strong someone is....it's sheer hell! So please reach out to your friends, here, and in life, and allow us to help to lift you up, encourage you, and to remind you how wonderful of a woman, and mom you are!

Also, maybe check into other atty's, cuz from Sept. to Feb. just sounds ridiculous, but then again, you mentioned that the laws there are insane! Just wondering if something was overlooked!

Peace to you my sweet llmt, and I'm sending prayers your way, huge hugs, and know we are here for you! Love ya lots, more than you know!!! xoxoxooxoxo