Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My boyfriend has been divorced for 6 six years, separated for 7 years. (he filed). He is friends with her as they have a son and daughter with grandchildren and wants the lines of communication open. That's all well and good, but he feels beholden to give her money because of her bad financial choices. He told me he was done helping her out by giving her our recyclable cans and bottles and money whenever she asks. That was last month. He weakened today when she told him she had photos of the grandchildren. He went to her apartment with the bag of cans and bottles, and probably money, who knows. On one hand he feels bad for her but on the other hand he's pissed because she's always asking for a hand out. I am emotionally involved with this and it upsets me that he cannot be consistent with his decision in not helping her anymore. I'm venting because he doesn't care that I'm upset. I ask you......Should I be upset? I just feel he needs cut the apron strings. UGH!
He may appear like he doesn't care you are upset. It may just be that he doesn't see he is doing anything wrong.
I would probably be a bit annoyed that someone I was dating continued to support their ex but more so because their ex wasn't doing anything for themselves. That's why I stopped giving money to my ex. To me, if they can't b e responsible enough for themselves why should I or the person I was dating be responsible for them. That would certainly be an enabling thing. But shit, I stopped giving my ex money within a month or two. This is 7 years later. I don't know if he even knows how to break away from it since its like a routine or habit now.
But in the end, its up to you and what you are feeling about it. That you should make your point known, but don't let it blow up to a point where it causes damage to your relationship. Like I said, if the money he is giving is excessive or stopping him from meeting his responsibilities now, then you may have to lean harder.