take a step back and evaluate the relationship, your wants an needs and whether they can be met in this relationship, or whether they can be addressed. as for his influence, how does it affect you and her? how can it be addressed (she breaks all ties and is prepared for collateral damage, is there the likelihood of inappropriate actions from him, how will you react?) is it worth it? Does she need help to give herself fully to you? is she prepared to do so?

Run.

Look I get difficult ex's, but she's already gone back to him once. There's a high likelihood of her doing it again.

You deserve to be someone's First Choice, not their backup plan.

You're crazy to get back with someone who is not over their ex and more importantly still in contact! Forget it! Run Forest Runnnn!!!

you mentioned "then when they are together"... is she still spending time with him? will she go back to him if he says the right things, yet doesn't actually change? could it be the start of a vicious cycle?

hhahha LOL I agree with everyone here, run! But otherwise tell her you are not comfortable at all with this triangular situation and tell her to cut all ties. if she acres about you like she says she does she will do this.. if now do not waste your time with her and her toxic ex. Ugh I was put in the same situation but worse. My boyfriends ex told everyone he raped her and he spent years in depression. When I first met him she told me he was dangerous (still trying to control him like the puppet she always was) but she still managed to break us up ( mainly because of my own deep jealousy) He would always bring up how much he hated her... all the while bringing up how they "kissed under that tree. it was beautiful" Also saying stuff like "She is a phycho, wish she would drink poison" or "she is so not over me" Anyway I got sick of his raving on and cracked. He cracked back and I ended it. Dammit. Wish I dealt with it differently.

cares** not** stupid typos

i type and speak fluid typonese :)

I understand how you are conflicted. The girl you have dated gets together, on occasion, with her ex-boyfriend and keeps taking his messages. She is going to have to decide who she will date. If she truly wants to date you exclusively, then she needs to cutoff communication with her ex-boyfriend. She needs to ask him to stop messaging her and possibly change her phone number or email address if he does not stop messaging her. She needs to fully devote herself to your relationship. If something keeps pulling her back to her ex, then she is not ready to date you. When I was single, I joined a singles ministry at a local church. I learned a ton about relationships there. They talked about how to manage dating relationships and what kind of person you need to look for (and be yourself). Good luck with your dating situation.