Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I thought I wanted an apology from my stbx for how badly he has hurt me and why he has chosen to break his vows and our marriage. Today he tells me that he is sorry, that I was a good wife and women, but he wasn't a good man or husband. He was too selfish and self absorbed and wanted what he wanted with no compromise and that he is sincerely sorry that the situation turned out the way it did.
I don't get it. What in the heck does that mean? If I was such a good wife and women wouldn't that make you want to be the good man and husband. I know you were a bad husband because you cheated on me but how does that apologize for all the pain you have caused me. Its probably the only one I will ever get however i just dont understand it. He was going to tell me in person today but he could see how angry i am so I got it via text. I tried to ask where this was coming from and he said that he had been thinking about it but he didn't want to because I look super angry. I told him that I super angry, I am angry for the broken promises and vows and broken dreams of the happy future I thought i would have. He says I can see the anger and that im drained. Well yeah I am what did you expect from me. I lost so much and I am trying to find the light in each day because its so dark. Every day I have to struggle through and not let the pain and fear overcome me.
I guess I bring this up because why apologize? To just make him feel better and think it will help me heal, it doesn't it just adds more questions of why.
I don't get it. What in the heck does that mean? If I was such a good wife and women wouldn't that make you want to be the good man and husband. I know you were a bad husband because you cheated on me but how does that apologize for all the pain you have caused me. Its probably the only one I will ever get however i just dont understand it. He was going to tell me in person today but he could see how angry i am so I got it via text. I tried to ask where this was coming from and he said that he had been thinking about it but he didn't want to because I look super angry. I told him that I super angry, I am angry for the broken promises and vows and broken dreams of the happy future I thought i would have. He says I can see the anger and that im drained. Well yeah I am what did you expect from me. I lost so much and I am trying to find the light in each day because its so dark. Every day I have to struggle through and not let the pain and fear overcome me.
I guess I bring this up because why apologize? To just make him feel better and think it will help me heal, it doesn't it just adds more questions of why.
YOU are the only one that can validate your feelings and you can't depend on your former partner to do this for you. He isn't now, nor will he ever do this. Accept you aren't going to hear what you think you need from him and look for your answers in yourself.
The WHY can't be answered.
Best of luck and try to stay positive.
Your're luckier than some in that your stbx acknowledged that you were a good wife. Some of us never get that. There is nothing you could have done to make him want to be a good husband. That has to come from within. Who knows? Maybe he tried his best and he just didn't have it in him. Either way it's time to shift the focus away from. Instead of focusing on the past try to focus on creating the best possible future for you and your son.
Dealing with a cheating mate it's debilitating and turning to them for any type of consolation or explanation most of the times makes matters worst - If you don't have any kids I would just go contact and take all the time I need to heal.
Wishing you peace.
No, having a good wife or husband doesn't always curb cheating. With some people it's an ego trip. That's why I don't buy into that crap where the non-cheating spouse is blamed for the cheaters actions.
At least you got an apology. The one I got was more like an apology heard after stepping on someones foot. Later he said he would not have even tried to save the marriage had the roles been reversed.
Happiness is an inside job. You can't "make" someone else happy.
But still he cheated and still he left.
Your ability as a wife has nothing to do with his happiness. You can have the perfect life and just not be happy in it.
Like the others have said you wanted a reason, but no reason will be good enough for you to say, Yeah I would have left too.
I don't think anyone ever gets the answer that will justify the pain they have gone through.
When he knows I am having a crisis or something, he tells me he will pray for me. I wanted so much to tell him that he ought to be praying for himself and that all I wanted was an apology. He still thinks he didnt do anything wrong.
It doesnt matter anymore, though.