So I am a couple days in to a breakup, most of my breakups have honestly been relatively easy but this one for many reasons is really, really messed up.  I relocated to a job with a one year contract to Los Angeles from Oakland, in that year my crush of several years and I kept contact and I ended up moving back to Oakland basically because I wanted to be with him so badly.  Everything was great, really great... fast forward to now, I have endured name calling, bullying, he accuses me of everything under the sun, and always says how unhappy I am and how much of a drag I am to be around, but it's because of his behavior towards me.  He told me my birth control was making me crazy and demanded I stop taking it and we could be "careful", well he was never careful. I ended up taking plan b once and while waiting to get back on the pill I became pregnant.  I always planned on adopting and made that very clear, he was adopted himself so he was always supportive to that idea. The abuse only got worse, he and his mom at one point told me that I had to have an abortion and lie to my mom and say I had a miscarriage because of how up and down our relationship was.  He would purposely fight with me so he could break up with me and go sleep with someone, then come begging for forgiveness, all while I am still pregnant with his child and earlier in that week were picking out names together and looking at bigger apartments. I forgave him and things were going good until he started up again with picking fights with me and putting me down, then saying I'm too sensitive for his constructive criticism. I was sick for about a week on top of having morning sickness, he picked me up out of bed and threw me on the bathroom floor because I needed to get ready to get to the airport in time. I begged him to just go with out me, we still actually had another 3 hours before we even needed to be at the airport. He picked me up again put me on the bed and held me down by my face saying he's only doing this because he loves me.  Normally I am a strong and successful woman, I've never taken sh*t from any guy especially physical abuse.  He ended up storming off, I made it to the airport and he was no where in sight and never checked in, so he is now blaming me for missing the trip we were going on to spread his dad's ashes. He's telling all of our friends and even texting my mother this and how it's all my fault. I have no idea how to raise a child with someone so unpredictable, on top of not actually wanting to get pregnant in the first place. I'm terrified to be a single mother especially with a newborn. We recently went to the 14 week ultrasound and I still just don't know what to do. I am pro-choice but am having extreme guilt about thinking of the abortion. He has completely blocked me from contacting him, as I've tried to talk things out for the sake of the child, I know I need to get over him but it's just so difficult. When things are good they're so great but then the cycle of abuse starts. I have the abortion scheduled (please don't judge this) as my pregnancy has been extremely painful to begin with and I have little support around me...my family lives across the country and I was relying on him. If anyone has any advice or guidance For how to cope with this breakup on top of making this decision, I know there is counseling available but that doesn't help me when I'm sitting at home alone and depressed. I feel like such an idiot for allowing myself to be put in this position.