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Anxious attachment style

weddinglovepure
weddinglovepure

Hello,


I have been dealing with drastic thoughts and feelings for quite a while now.


I had a break up last year where he abandoned me.


It took so long to move one and when I finally did, I dated someone new.


Till the time he broke up with me too, within 5 months of knowing and seeing each other.


The first guy communicated the break up and left me on a positive note. 


However, the recent break with second guy left by ghosting and cruel words.


I am hurt. I cannot put into words what I go through on daily basis.


The consequences of which are showing in daily routine like excessive sleeping and excessive hunger. 


I can't focus on anything. 


Please help.


I also have an anxious attachment style in relationships. In short, I get anxious if my partner doesn't communicate to me even for like few hours. Or I fear abandonment often.



I really want to heal from it.



Any suggestions or recommendations or thoughts are welcomed. 

Bobby5000
Bobby5000
I think you've accomplished the first step, a fair analysis identifying the problem while you're in a calmer state of mind. I suppose its a kind of addiction, when you don't see the person you need to have him. My wife just recently developed something like this, from being a fairly independent person comfortable being along with a few days or even a week, she'll now call 3-4 times if I go to the store.

1. Speak with a therapist.

2. Create a game plan for getting off this addictive attachment style. Give yourself some things to say internally when it happens.

3. Keep yourself in decent shape, eat, and realize that harming yourself does not help.

4. Work to enhance your self-image so you're not reliant on a man.
urbangardener
urbangardener
Dear one, welcome to Daily Strength and this forum. What you are describing sounds very much like it could be helped with a very good therapist well versed in what is called attachment disorders and codependency. The problem is you are making yourself unhappy by needing the other person to "heal you" or make you feel "whole." Good therapy can help you gain the skills to heal yourself and feel whole within yourself. It is not about the man, it is about you. And sometimes our neediness and clinginess is a real turnoff to them OR, we tend to attract users and abusers. They know we won't leave because we are so dependent and desperate inside. When we get stuck in these unhealthy emotional patterns, we do hurt, we have more pain inside than the other person can deal with. So I hope you will seek good therapy as a way to reduce your emotional pain. You are worth it and valuable as a human being. No other human can complete us or make us love ourselves. This is our work. You are worth it and and I wish you the best.