Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Man oh man, I sure as heck don't know what got into me late last night, but for a little while whatever came over me and took me over for a while is beyond me!
All I did just before trying to close my eye's after my head hit the pillow as to have tried to go to sleep, was to have picked up my Kindle Fire that is always atop my night stand and I just wanted to see what the temperature was outside, that's all. So I tapped on the N.O.A.A. app and normally due to having my location pre-saved, it normally just covers my area when first opened. Some how last night the app didn't open showing above Sacramento, it opened up showing the Nations weather map!
My tired eye's glanced over my approx location on the map and noticed it was around 34(F)! Cool, no problem, I've seen and dealt with worse. But my eye's then ventured across the map and my eye's landed smack dab on the area of Columbus Ohio! Whoa there, holy crap, minus 6(F)!!!! No way! I had the app zoom in and sure enough, it was right! And at that moment, out of the blue, it came out of left field, totally caught me off guard, I laid there and my very first thought was "I hope my ex-fiance is okay"?
For I knew for the close to two years I was with her that she has some pretty serious medical conditions that are made very worse by freezing cold, she's very medically cold sensitive. She's got a bad case of joint arthritis followed with a fair to moderate case of fibromyalgia that is made very worse my cold. Plus I remembered when she was with me for the one winter that she was here for, even out side temps in the high 20's to low 30's was hard on her, even with our old wall heater on, it was still hard.
I remember countless nights that when trying to fall asleep she couldn't, the pain of the outside cold was hurting her. I remember countless times that I would give her feet, legs, arms and back rub downs and massages. Just try try and ease her joint pains and muscle discomforts. Many times she would tell me things like "you spoil me"! Not wanting to be an ego maniac I would say "naaaa, I'm sure your parents would have done the same"! I would get responses like "hell no, they never did this for me"! or "no way, I don't want to be touched by my Father"! or "My Mother loved it when I gave her rub downs but she never did them for me in return"!
So my mind quickly determined that there was no one there doing for her as I once did. And this is where the emotional/mental flood gates opened, and opened up wide! I started to get anxious for some reason, started to get a little panicky, my mind began to race, I started to think what I might do to help, my mind quickly locked on to the fact that the Walmart on Morse Road is only a mile or two from her home, it's open 24 hours, I should know, I've been there, maybe I should buy her a space heater or something! My mind quickly reflected back in the month of May 2013 I had spent close to 3 weeks living at her parents house. Even with their Summer coming upon the region, at night that house was bitter cold.
Their old heater furnace only worked half the time and when it did, it wasn't working to par. Their old garage, converted to a bedroom wasn't done right for it was very drafty, all their windows are single pane glass, ect. ect. ect. During this whole process, not once did I think about all the harm this woman had done to me, all the wrongs that were committed, the turmoil, the hurt, the confusions and frustrations brought on by this woman and her family. My only thought was to her current physical well being!
And that's when it hit, I had spun myself up so much, thinking totally about her and her medical conditions and the spec's to her house, wanting to do, but the hard reality set in, my mind and body was doing a violent "push pull" on itself, that I got up out of bed, my stomach twisted and I rushed to the kitchen sink and vomited! The "push" of wanting to help, and the stone cold reality of the "pull" because I knew I couldn't twisted me up for a moment and made me vomit!
As I was letting my stomach contents go, I mentally grabbed myself by the balls and told myself to "snap out of it man"! Then I had to remind myself of some of her own exiting words as she was on her way out......she told you that she doesn't care about you anymore, she doesn't love you anymore, she doesn't want to hear from you anymore, leave her and her family alone, even the hints that there might have never been love there at all! She doesn't care about you, shoe wouldn't give a damn if you had to face hard ice cold weather! She wouldn't think about buying you a space heater, she wouldn't give you any rub downs to help you sleep,
Also I thought that when my ex-fiance called things off at my Mom's, and had told us that she already made arrangements with her parents to move back in with them, I told myself that she had to know what she was going back to, hard cold winters included. I don't know what happened last night, I'm very confused and frustrated with myself, I'm perplexed with thinking if this is some sort of a "set back" or something? I'm upset with myself because I know the reality that she wouldn't give two shakes of a cat's tail about me and my well being, why the fricking hell was I so concerned about her's? Why for about 20 minutes did I not once think of all the harm, the pain, the hurt, the anguish this woman caused me, why would my mind draw a blank to all that? Why did it take high anxiety vomiting to get me to think straight?
I'm so confused, I've never stressed vomited for anyone in all my life, never, and I've been through some high anxiety moments in my life, but never once did this for anyone! And the first time in my life I stress vomit over the feeling of panic, anxiety and the effects of hard reality set in, of all people to do it for, my ex-fiance................I'm so fricking confused!
Why?
All I did just before trying to close my eye's after my head hit the pillow as to have tried to go to sleep, was to have picked up my Kindle Fire that is always atop my night stand and I just wanted to see what the temperature was outside, that's all. So I tapped on the N.O.A.A. app and normally due to having my location pre-saved, it normally just covers my area when first opened. Some how last night the app didn't open showing above Sacramento, it opened up showing the Nations weather map!
My tired eye's glanced over my approx location on the map and noticed it was around 34(F)! Cool, no problem, I've seen and dealt with worse. But my eye's then ventured across the map and my eye's landed smack dab on the area of Columbus Ohio! Whoa there, holy crap, minus 6(F)!!!! No way! I had the app zoom in and sure enough, it was right! And at that moment, out of the blue, it came out of left field, totally caught me off guard, I laid there and my very first thought was "I hope my ex-fiance is okay"?
For I knew for the close to two years I was with her that she has some pretty serious medical conditions that are made very worse by freezing cold, she's very medically cold sensitive. She's got a bad case of joint arthritis followed with a fair to moderate case of fibromyalgia that is made very worse my cold. Plus I remembered when she was with me for the one winter that she was here for, even out side temps in the high 20's to low 30's was hard on her, even with our old wall heater on, it was still hard.
I remember countless nights that when trying to fall asleep she couldn't, the pain of the outside cold was hurting her. I remember countless times that I would give her feet, legs, arms and back rub downs and massages. Just try try and ease her joint pains and muscle discomforts. Many times she would tell me things like "you spoil me"! Not wanting to be an ego maniac I would say "naaaa, I'm sure your parents would have done the same"! I would get responses like "hell no, they never did this for me"! or "no way, I don't want to be touched by my Father"! or "My Mother loved it when I gave her rub downs but she never did them for me in return"!
So my mind quickly determined that there was no one there doing for her as I once did. And this is where the emotional/mental flood gates opened, and opened up wide! I started to get anxious for some reason, started to get a little panicky, my mind began to race, I started to think what I might do to help, my mind quickly locked on to the fact that the Walmart on Morse Road is only a mile or two from her home, it's open 24 hours, I should know, I've been there, maybe I should buy her a space heater or something! My mind quickly reflected back in the month of May 2013 I had spent close to 3 weeks living at her parents house. Even with their Summer coming upon the region, at night that house was bitter cold.
Their old heater furnace only worked half the time and when it did, it wasn't working to par. Their old garage, converted to a bedroom wasn't done right for it was very drafty, all their windows are single pane glass, ect. ect. ect. During this whole process, not once did I think about all the harm this woman had done to me, all the wrongs that were committed, the turmoil, the hurt, the confusions and frustrations brought on by this woman and her family. My only thought was to her current physical well being!
And that's when it hit, I had spun myself up so much, thinking totally about her and her medical conditions and the spec's to her house, wanting to do, but the hard reality set in, my mind and body was doing a violent "push pull" on itself, that I got up out of bed, my stomach twisted and I rushed to the kitchen sink and vomited! The "push" of wanting to help, and the stone cold reality of the "pull" because I knew I couldn't twisted me up for a moment and made me vomit!
As I was letting my stomach contents go, I mentally grabbed myself by the balls and told myself to "snap out of it man"! Then I had to remind myself of some of her own exiting words as she was on her way out......she told you that she doesn't care about you anymore, she doesn't love you anymore, she doesn't want to hear from you anymore, leave her and her family alone, even the hints that there might have never been love there at all! She doesn't care about you, shoe wouldn't give a damn if you had to face hard ice cold weather! She wouldn't think about buying you a space heater, she wouldn't give you any rub downs to help you sleep,
Also I thought that when my ex-fiance called things off at my Mom's, and had told us that she already made arrangements with her parents to move back in with them, I told myself that she had to know what she was going back to, hard cold winters included. I don't know what happened last night, I'm very confused and frustrated with myself, I'm perplexed with thinking if this is some sort of a "set back" or something? I'm upset with myself because I know the reality that she wouldn't give two shakes of a cat's tail about me and my well being, why the fricking hell was I so concerned about her's? Why for about 20 minutes did I not once think of all the harm, the pain, the hurt, the anguish this woman caused me, why would my mind draw a blank to all that? Why did it take high anxiety vomiting to get me to think straight?
I'm so confused, I've never stressed vomited for anyone in all my life, never, and I've been through some high anxiety moments in my life, but never once did this for anyone! And the first time in my life I stress vomit over the feeling of panic, anxiety and the effects of hard reality set in, of all people to do it for, my ex-fiance................I'm so fricking confused!
Why?
I'll bet it was more of a "perfect storm" kind of situation as opposed to there being a specific reason that this made you so anxious. Don't feel bad about caring about another person, even if they hurt you badly. It's such a positive thing to hope that someone's okay and to think about how to help them. Even though you've made a ton of progress, you still aren't that far out from the breakup. Think of it less as a set back, and more of a wave... you're still moving forward, just had to climb over an obstacle. I'll bet that this keeps you down for a lot less time than it would have a few months ago.
Maybe stay away from caffeine for a little bit, just until you feel less anxious. I've noticed that that has been a big help for me.
Also something that has helped is I now have started to drink a warm non caffeinated tea before bed, warm me up inside and quench whatever thirst before bed that I may have. Since doing all this I am now able to fall asleep quickly and for the most part "stay asleep"!
And yes, you and my psychiatrist are on the same page of sheet music. He agrees and without knowing what you said, he said something very similar. That it's only been little over 5 months, some aspect of the relationship and the breakup could be still pretty fresh in my mind, therefore bringing on those overly worrisome compulsions in regards to thinking about my ex-fiance's physical well being.
To be honest my physicist was very shocked to hear about my situation, he gave my a figurative pat on the back and complimented me for the situation. He told me point blank that with everything her and her family put you through, you still have it within you to care, he said this is that "light at the end of the tunnel" stuff. He was pleased to hear that she didn't rob me of my empathy and sympathy, he said "Aaron, your going to be okay" and "keep doing everything your doing, it's working"!
But thanks for the recommendation Sarasalt, it's working! :)