Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have had a couple of somewhat peaceful days. I have not spoke to my STBX in weeks, and have begun really digging deep into myself to find some happiness. Last week I was a emotional mess, but since yesterday, I have only broken down a few times. So I guess they are right to say, the crying does slow down a bit. But my anxiety is sky high. I have been dealing with it since he left, and I lost both my parents since he left, so I understand all the lose has caused me to be very anxious. But While I was crying all the time, I was not as anxious. Today has been 1 long anxiety attack. Not really sure what is triggering it, but I am at work, and having a hard time fighting the fight or flight response...
To help you understand what is causing it to trigger, reflect on what you were doing, thinking, watching, reading (etc.,) when you started to feel anxious. Sometimes it helps to write these things down to better understand. At first you may need to avoid the trigger, until a later time when It does not result in such a strong reaction.
How to cope, get thru, overcome and also deal with anxiety: writing. I personally have never been big on writing things down, but now a days you can use voice dictation, voice memos, typing, etc.,. I did end up going old school and writing things out. The writing itself was therapeutic and enabled me to more easily see my triggers, understand my emotions and release everything that was pent up.
Things to write down and ideas: write down what was going on when the anxiety started. Write down a list of things that help you to feel better from anxiety so when you are anxious you have those ideas handy. Slow, relaxed, deep breathing is very good. Activities to distract you like TV, music, reading, talking to someone, a craft or hobby. Things which make you happy, laugh, feel good. Saying a mantra to yourself. During the worst moments I would look at the clock say for one minute. And I would watch the clock and tell myself "I am ok, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am loved, I like butterflies, blue skies, fluffy clouds, feeling the sun warm my skin, I like kitties, doggies, turtles, flowers"... etc.,. I would do this for a set amount of time, start as small as you need 1min/ 5 mins, then slowly increase the time each time you do it, all while slowly breathing and not allowing any other thoughts, and reminding yourself you're alright, you're beautiful, you're strong and you will get thru this. if you are spiritual, pray. Going for a walk is nice too. I wrote out what I was thinking, feeling any time I started crying, feeling anxious, or a breakdown coming. I would not give them, but I wrote letters to my ex. It helped to clear my mind, get my thoughts in order, and release my emotions. To keep from feeling overwhelmed, I made lists of things to do, or that I needed to get, appts to remember.
Take it one moment, one day at a time. Continue to reach out to others. Believe in yourself. You are making wonderful progress! Lots of love and hugs!
I recently broke up with someone of 4 years and for the past month have felt anxiety in very much the same way you describe here.
Things I've found: Distance and time are the two best tools to soothe yourself when you are hurt. Keeping your self away from this person is the best thing to do, and often the hardest. I'm glad to hear that you havent talked to him in a few weeks.
I've broken down while shopping in the grocery store, driving to and from work in the morning, on my lunch break, at work... you name it. I just want you to know your not alone in these feelings and rollercoaster emotions but have faith that it gets better and less intense with time.
The fight or flight response is a physiological response to a percieved danger in our life. Perhaps even though your not in immediate danger while at work, there is something there that is triggering you to remember the breakup, or your ex which is stirring up those emotions.
just a thought. I spent an entire year with a jacked up fight-or-flight response in graduate school, i could never relax and was always high anxiety. I gained weight, hair fell out, skin broke out, and I was constantly tired due to adrenal drain. Perhaps try taking care of yourself through this difficult time with some sort of adrenal supplement to counter the stress. Cortisol is released in times of stress and that is what will make you gain weight. I would suggest meditation also if your able to, but personally I find when anxiety is sky high, it seems impossible to calm the mind and meditate.
I might also suggest going to a psychiatrist and getting on an anti-anxiety medication. It can really help with the over whelming feelings.
Good luck and I wish you all the best!! my thoughts and prayers are with you. *hugs*
At least talk to your doctor. Losing 3 people that close together is so much to handle so your chemicals are probably out of whack. Exercise helps me to get the endorphin rush so I don't get depressed but that might not be helpful for you right now.
Sorry about all of this. {{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}
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