Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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bigguy3 09/11/2007

I believe I am finally to the point that I can let go of the relationship that I had with my ex-wife. I realize that holding on has only prolonged the pain of the loss. I will still mourn the loss of love that I felt for so long, but I believe I am finally to the point that I can seperate the pain and mourn in a healthy way.

Now that I have made the decision to let go, I have been feeling a fair amount of anxiety. I believe it is from getting out into the unknown ... leaving my comfort zone. I have had the comfort of being "in love" for the past 14 years and moving away from that comfort is creating an unsettled feeling that I can only describe as anxiety.

Can anyone relate? And if so, what have you done to try and alleviate the anxious feelings?

deleted_user 09/11/2007

I think I'm beyond anxious. The amount of anxiety I'm feeling is overwhelming--makes it tough to concentrate. I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I'm taking deep breaths and forcing myself out of my comfort zone a little bit at a time.

I know you read my journal, that blanket of love made it easier to try things, to live. But now you have to do it on your own. Just know in your heart and soul, you can do this. You are loved, and you can live your life!

deleted_user 09/11/2007

get some xanax. it done wonders for me.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

Although I usually have plenty of anxiety, the best cure is just staying away from the stbx. For me, she is the main source of it!

bigguy3 09/11/2007

Thanks Paul, I feel the same way. Since I decided to minimize contact with the ex, there has been less anxiety ... however, I still get that feeling when I pick up or drop off the kids.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

Think of it like an adventure, a chance to start again this time with the wisedom you have aquired over the years.

Ofcourse you're anxious, any major change is bound to stir up some emotion but its normal. Just go with it, meet new ppl, hang out with buddies you haven't seen in awhile and get back on the dating scene.

Have fun! Life's a journey not a destination - Steven Tyler

deleted_user 09/11/2007

I've experienced panic and anxiety, but obviously from a different perspective since I'm the one who did the betraying. But whatever the source or cause, the end result is the same. Panic and anxiety are horrible feelings that no one would understand unless they suffered it. I had my MD prescribe me a low dose of Klonopin that I take as needed. When I feel the panic coming on, I take a pill, and continue to do so once every 12 hours until the panic subsides. There are also daily, maintenance drugs that are available if your panic is present more often than not. (Mine is episodic, therefore no daily meds for me). Also, I take long walks, which helps a lot.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

My anxiety usually is around seeing him or her. I just remind myself that I dont want a man like that.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

Yes, I get that. It surprised me at first. It's not sadness nor anger. I can only describe it as anxiety.I have a lifelong history of generalized anxiety, so I know what it feels like. It lessens with time but I still have it when I have to deal with the stbx in a prolonged format.

I think you hit it right on the head. There's something disorienting about stepping out of your comfort zone. Your mind starts to protest. I just try to plow through it. Not taking anything for it or doing anything special. Although exercise does help alleviate it some. Like I said, it has gotten better with time.

bigguy3 09/11/2007

Thanks for all the comments. I don't want to take any medications for the anxiety. My family has a history of addictive tendencies and I don't want to get into a situation where I run the risk of becoming addicted. (I have taken anti-depressants and they helped but in general I stay clear of any 'chemical' help.)

I guess the key is trying to keep my head straight ... not easy after going through a divorce.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

Anxiety is what has made me lose 25 lbs. during the past few months. We have been married 19 years today (divorce not final yet). He has a girlfriend from work. I'm trying to move on for myself too. I think we should just take baby steps and not expect too much too fast.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

Oh, God, can anyone relate? Read my journals if you have the time and inclination, but try 28 years instead of 14 years. I cannot let go of my comfort zone, either, even though it is not that comforting to me. I feel lazy for not wanting to have to go through everything that involves splitting up. I have done nothing to alleviate it besides stay in this marriage. I just feel so tortured and I honestly see no way out. I just cannot do it since I am the one instigating it.

deleted_user 09/11/2007

I have become so anxious it's like having my skin inside out. I read alot, pray, exercise and talk to friends. This helps a little. Good luck to you.

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