Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, I had a pretty good counseling session tonight. Have a joint counseling session tomorrow morning, and my wife literally tries to bait me into a fight for 30 minutes based on the following: I don't want to move out of the house, and we can't be legally separated until I do so; she didn't know where I was (she knew damn well I was at the therapist); I didn't want to talk to her today about my shitty day; I didn't let her know I was not going to pick up dinner for myself; and I could go on and on. All the while our 6 year old screaming he didn't want us to fight. I stayed completely calm, and that made her more furious.
She also said I can't afford the house and she can (LOL) and that if she moves, she would have to get an apartment with the kids. I told her none of this was my choice. She didn't like that answer. She told me she doesn't want to work things out, and even if she did, the way I have acted the last 3 days would make her not want to. Yeah, the last 3 days are the difference. She said I'm not acting like someone who loves her. Told her maybe I would if she didn't get furious every time I try to show love. So done with all this bs. She is bipolar, and takes everything out on me. So tired of it all. Why do I still love this crazy person, and why will I be devastated when it's all over? Maybe I'm the crazy one.
If she is bipolar she can still take responsibility, just like a non-bipolar person can.
Regardless, glad therapy went well and I hope the joint counseling went well and that she realized she should stop nit picking stuff that she shouldn't care about if she wants you out of the house so bad. I wouldn't care where my ex was or about his dinner or his day. I would do my own thing and worry about my kids and not give a hoot about where you were or what you were eating if I wanted him out.
I left the marital home, as my STBX feels exactly how you feel. And I understand. So why up route him if I'm being the one to leave the marriage? We will still have 50/50 custody, so it ultimately doesn't matter who lives where, but I moved about a half mile away so I can be super close. So even though I know you don't want to move and it may not be a great option financially, it will have to happen sooner or later. You each will have to figure out a way to make it work. My gf's mother was left working 2-3 jobs to pay the mortgage and to put my gf through a private college, while the father knew how to hide his income because he was a CPA & claimed poverty while driving luxury vehicles.
You clearly love her. She wants you to let her go, for her and yourself. Holding on isn't helping you. You are allowed to mourn but only allow yourself say the time in the shower to do so and then the rest of the time worry about yourself and your kids. Who cares if she goes out? Let her do this or that, as she is most likely avoiding you by going out.
But my best incite to give you, being the woman who left (granted it was due to his mental illness and crap treatment of me) I still don't want my STBX hurting or unhappy...If she's giving you a hard time about anything she still cares, however, don't hold on to hope. I think she sees you as a puppy dog following her around with you telling her you still love her (but she already knows you do). Stop it. Chicks mistreat men who act like that & its giving her a power trip (clearly if she is going off on you in a parking lot). I bet when she sees that change in you she will communicate better, but in order to progress the end of the marriage - and I think that's ultimately what may be best if she's already checked out. You don't deserve that treatment at all from someone, even if she is the mother of your children. I have never gone off on the STBX in any location, even if he was yelling at me.
Sorry for the ramble... and sorry if my opinion is kind of harsh and not in line with "stay and work it out". You just seem like a nice guy who wants to try and save his marriage, but she's clearly stating things that aren't giving me the feeling she wants to even try anymore, so flip the switch on her. Go let her be happy elsewhere. And you be happy with the gifts she gave you - your kids. :)
Your love is a gift and she doesn't want it, so give it all to them.
It amazes me that this is happening. Three weeks ago she said I was her life. I think part of it is I am holding out hope. I shouldn't. I know that. I can't help it. The funny thing is now my friends are all coming out telling me how awful she is, how they never liked her, how she's a bully and has never been right for me. I feel like I'm the only one who really likes her, which makes me sad.
If I could just leave those thoughts in the shower, I would. My overall sense of loss (losing org parents and a nephew in the past 3 years, with my mom passing in May) along with this, has me on the brink. I literally can't take any more. I just can't. And she's being such a heartless bitch. She was my best friend, and now I can't lean on her. It's all too much for me to handle. Not sure how I can go on, but know I must. The holidays are going to be awful beyond belief.
I do think that in South Carolina someone has to move out (and stay out) for a whole year before you can even start the process (I really do feel badly for them).
Oh and in most states, while she can move out, she can't take the kids with her. (Well she can try, and if you do nothing about it, she can take them. But in almost all states if you object, she can't. What she can then do is go to court to petition for custody, which in most states is going 50/50. In some ways, getting custody settled before the divorce is actually a good thing...)