Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've been posting on here about how incredibly hurt I've been since my breakup. Its been almost killing me since it destroyed my appetite & had me thinking suicidal thoughts. I've been having a nervous breakdown. Nothing anyone was doing helped so I finally decided to do what most advise against and went to the source - my ex.
I'm actually glad I did because the truth really does set you free. After 2 years together (+1 yr friendship before that), it only took a month for him to get over me. His words in response to me: "sure I get sad", "I think of you"...and when I asked if he misses me or wishing I still lived there.."idk sometimes maybe". When I asked if he even felt bad for the way hes treated me, he just said "yeah sorry." His words lack sincerity so I feel like I've never gotten the apology I deserve.
I was beyond angry. This whole month & a half I've been making myself sick, dreaming about him, torturing myself for my "flaws" in the relationship aka an anxiety disorder that I didn't choose to have!, beating myself up for not doing no contact from the start (thinking if I did he would have come back & apologized or missed me..I don't think he ever would have) and feeling like I should apologize to him for being so emotional after he broke up with me. No wonder I was..hes been heartless this whole time!
I know our relationship was once full of love and friendship but he put me through the ringer this time. At this point I don't know if my anxiety did make him lose feelings for me or if its all on him for becoming emotionless and heartless. Mind you...he withheld his emotions & didn't give me a fair chance to fix things before ending the relationship. He just unloaded all the blame on me and walked away unharmed. I know he went through the breakup process while we were together. What a cowardly thing to do. Now I can't even trust my memories.
As if I haven't been through enough before I met him.
I'm actually glad I did because the truth really does set you free. After 2 years together (+1 yr friendship before that), it only took a month for him to get over me. His words in response to me: "sure I get sad", "I think of you"...and when I asked if he misses me or wishing I still lived there.."idk sometimes maybe". When I asked if he even felt bad for the way hes treated me, he just said "yeah sorry." His words lack sincerity so I feel like I've never gotten the apology I deserve.
I was beyond angry. This whole month & a half I've been making myself sick, dreaming about him, torturing myself for my "flaws" in the relationship aka an anxiety disorder that I didn't choose to have!, beating myself up for not doing no contact from the start (thinking if I did he would have come back & apologized or missed me..I don't think he ever would have) and feeling like I should apologize to him for being so emotional after he broke up with me. No wonder I was..hes been heartless this whole time!
I know our relationship was once full of love and friendship but he put me through the ringer this time. At this point I don't know if my anxiety did make him lose feelings for me or if its all on him for becoming emotionless and heartless. Mind you...he withheld his emotions & didn't give me a fair chance to fix things before ending the relationship. He just unloaded all the blame on me and walked away unharmed. I know he went through the breakup process while we were together. What a cowardly thing to do. Now I can't even trust my memories.
As if I haven't been through enough before I met him.
Don't take the blame for the choices he's made. Having an anxiety disorder is so hard, and can be hard on a significant other as well, but that doesn't provide an excuse for not communicating or for acting like a jerk. Everyone has their tough spots.
Lots of deep breaths, and treat yourself to something you really enjoy eating/doing. Exercise is also a great outlet for the rage!
Nothing anyone was doing helped so I finally decided to go to my
source - my ex.
There is nothing anyone can do not even your EX to help you. You have to help yourself. This might be an opportunity to address your anxiety issue because you sound obsessive and you sound like you expect your EX to share your same outlook (anxiety) about the situation and your are getting frustrated because he's not, he seems to be bouncing back sooner. You might be right about that or you might be off, everyone deals with life and grief differently, but to me the concern is your anxiety. Seek help for that so that when life keeps throwing curves balls at you moving forward, you are better equipped to deal with the pressure.
You asked your EX some questions and it seems like his answers aren't in line with what you would like to hear -and I can understand that, but go no contact and stick with it for your own good.
A break up is something we have to deal with on our own - an EX isn't the source to go to. You might want to seek therapy for this specific issue if you aren't already and just sit on your sadness - let life unfold - it looks overwhelming right now but you'll start bouncing back. Believe in yourself a bit more? - that might help.
Good luck.
Sarasalt - Thanks for understanding. I know my anxiety disorder is mine to treat but yeah, he didn't have to act like a jerk or not communicate. I feel like everyone justifies this behavior as an ex but you should never be downright cruel to the person who gave you the most love in your life.
YOU are the only one who matters right now. NOT the relationship, not him, ONLY YOU and the relationship you should have with YOURSELF. Put yourself and your well being first, not a man. Sorry, I am not big on sugar coating things, but yes, I do understand your pain. Wishing you PEACE.