Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Lets face some certain facts about our divorces/separations.
First off, there is no one person responsible for where we are at right now. Some may be more at fault than others, but we are all guilty of doing something that contributed to our situations. Whether it be, infidelity, lack of communication, communicating in the wrong way, taking our spouses for granted, selfishness, jealousy, etc. We are not innocents in all this, but we are not totally to blame either.
Secondly, there was a time when we DID love our significant others with all that we allowed ourselves to love with, and they DID us as well. In a lot of our cases, we still love our exes and most likely always will. That is why we are hurting so very much. The betrayal and rejection we feel, brings on anger and resentment so intense; we just want the other person to feel as lousy as we do, or worse. The truth is, they do hurt as much as, or more than we do. It is our anger and resentment that do not allow us to see it. We become so consumed by these feelings, that we cannot comprehend what the other person might be feeling. Every little nothing turns into something catastrophic and devastating to us, and we just fire up that angry furnace even higher. Its just easier that way.
Thirdly. Our perception is not always the reality of how things truly are. Resentment does not deal in reality. It works in the realm of perception. Our resentment grows when we see our exes find someone else before we do, so we perceive that they have happily moved on without us. Fact of the matter is, they are just avoiding dealing with their own feelings and issues by getting into a new relationship that they think will solve everything. Reality is, it is even less healthy than the one that just ended and wont last past the first hiccup in the road. Perception masks reality and our resentment takes hold.
Truth is, until we can truly let go of the anger and resentment that we are holding onto, we are never going to heal. Until we can forgive ourselves, and our exes, for the things that went wrong in our relationships, we will continue to stoke the flames of anger and feed the false resentments. There can be no true healing without forgiveness, and without forgiveness, we will poison every relationship we try to have in the future.
I pray for God to give me the strength I need to forgive every day. It is a gift we give to ourselves, not our exes.
First off, there is no one person responsible for where we are at right now. Some may be more at fault than others, but we are all guilty of doing something that contributed to our situations. Whether it be, infidelity, lack of communication, communicating in the wrong way, taking our spouses for granted, selfishness, jealousy, etc. We are not innocents in all this, but we are not totally to blame either.
Secondly, there was a time when we DID love our significant others with all that we allowed ourselves to love with, and they DID us as well. In a lot of our cases, we still love our exes and most likely always will. That is why we are hurting so very much. The betrayal and rejection we feel, brings on anger and resentment so intense; we just want the other person to feel as lousy as we do, or worse. The truth is, they do hurt as much as, or more than we do. It is our anger and resentment that do not allow us to see it. We become so consumed by these feelings, that we cannot comprehend what the other person might be feeling. Every little nothing turns into something catastrophic and devastating to us, and we just fire up that angry furnace even higher. Its just easier that way.
Thirdly. Our perception is not always the reality of how things truly are. Resentment does not deal in reality. It works in the realm of perception. Our resentment grows when we see our exes find someone else before we do, so we perceive that they have happily moved on without us. Fact of the matter is, they are just avoiding dealing with their own feelings and issues by getting into a new relationship that they think will solve everything. Reality is, it is even less healthy than the one that just ended and wont last past the first hiccup in the road. Perception masks reality and our resentment takes hold.
Truth is, until we can truly let go of the anger and resentment that we are holding onto, we are never going to heal. Until we can forgive ourselves, and our exes, for the things that went wrong in our relationships, we will continue to stoke the flames of anger and feed the false resentments. There can be no true healing without forgiveness, and without forgiveness, we will poison every relationship we try to have in the future.
I pray for God to give me the strength I need to forgive every day. It is a gift we give to ourselves, not our exes.
So, here I sit, heartbroken, sad and trying to move on w/out the love of my life. I will never hate him and I have forgiven him and I will protect him to my dying day.
Regardless of why we're here, my hope is that all of us find what it is that will allow us to heal and eventually move forward. Timbo, thanks for your continued posts, I hope I didn't offend you by defending myself here. Hugs~!
I kept your message and will use it in my healing journey
This is just my own personal opinion, and related mostly to my situation, but if there are others out there who can relate, then I hope it helps them to know they are not alone.
Forgiveness does not get us the answers to why and what went wrong. It gives us the peace and serenity to move forward without them.
God bless you all.
Your words help me remember I too have made mistakes, not just her. My anger furnace boils when I think of her living her life with another man, and I never think that she too is probably just as angry thinking of me spending my life with another. I know I will still feel anger and resentment toward her at times, but I also know I have to move on for both the sake of our two late-teen kids and for us. I have to keep my negative feelings to myself, especially while we all still live under the same roof (all separate bedrooms).
Thanks again Timbob. Glad I popped over to the site. Been a while.
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