So today marks one month since he moved out.  Still sad about it, but actually not as bad as the first week.  I still have hope, call me crazy.

i have been researching mlc...and whoa....it's him.....but he's the depressed mlc, severely depressed.  This is such a huge change from the happy go lucky I have known him to be over the past 24 years.  He's been steadily getting worse since about May of last year.  He couldn't handle everyday life (meaning me and the girls) and left us beginning of August...we did the whole marriage counselling up until November...until our therapist suggested that maybe just hubby should come and see him, since there are some things that he needs to work on. He came back home end of September, I wish I would have clued in about his mlc...but didn't until he said that he can't be in this relationship anymore.  But with all my reading, I really realize that it's not about me or our relationship.....this is all about him.

Once I got over the butt-hurt of him leaving again, and really started looking back, seeing all the signs that I didn't even know were signs.  Once I started reading up on mlc....he's almost textbook. Starting with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you"....gah....give me a break!   Then in emails....him stating that he loves me with all his heart...he's just very lost and confused.   I get it.....I actually truly get it....thanks to arming myself about this "transition".

i feel like I now have the tools to handle my mlc spouse.  Yes....he does not live here, but he's only a few blocks away at his parents.  

One tool is not to pressure about the relationship.....which I totally did the first time...begged and pleaded....such a mistake...he wasn't ready, but he came home anyways.  Everyone would ask how it's going and my only response was "different".  Because it was...it was awkward....we (kids and I) were walking on eggshells so as not to upset daddy.  He was so irritable...very unlike him.

Was very hard going from the golden couple with the relationship that people envied, to this, traumatizing for me and our girls.  We honestly had an amazing marriage, amazing kids....hes a good man.  Never put me down, was just always so good to me, and I was good to him.  

Another tool that I started using was not initiating contact....I am no longer going to chase him.  Well....we didn't even so much as text for one week....then he contacted me.  Convo was going very good....but I put a boundary in place.  Most mlc spouses have an affair....my boundary was that he was not to get involved with another woman...in any way, reminding him that I am still his wife, and to not disrespect me or our marriage, he agreed....saying he doesn't want another man in our bed either.  I laid this all out after he asked me if I had found someone else.   Ummmm....no.

Well....apparently me telling him that put some wind in him, that I believe in him, that he will eventually get through this, it will just take a lot of time, and that I am giving him this time and distance so that he can work on himself.....and he stopped by on Monday and....well....it was a very nice visit