Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi,
It's been awhile since I've written anything here. I was reading an article today on Psychology Today and had an epiphany on why I was having such a hard time forgiving my ex.
The article is here if anyone would like to read it. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/splitopia/201504/moving-past-anger-in-divorce
My back story for those that don't know.
Together for 10.5 years, 2 young children, 7 and 4. Ex-wife was secretly unhappy and chose not to share it with me even when I asked her if she loved me and if we were ok. Had normal spats around some stuff, and in my opinion we had lots of fun too.
She met a man two weeks before leaving me and then broke it off with me. I've been pretty devastated ever since and this was 6.5 months ago. Lost my job about a month ago due to emotional issues and a lack of focus. (My fault for sure)
So I have been struggling with forgiving my ex and I have spent a lot of energy in making her wrong as often as I can. I'm angry, sad and upset about it all and this is how I was choosing to deal with her and the emotions.
The article above hit a chord with me and I realised I was not choosing to forgive her because to me it would feel like I was making her correct for the decision to leave me and for saying that we wouldn't have worked out even if she didn't meet her new bf.
In order for me to move on and heal properly I need to forgive her and understand that it is not me making her right in her decision. I can forgive her and still not agree with it.
I'm house sitting for a friend and the funny thing is she lives half a block from the apartment that my ex and I lived together in the first couple of years we were together. So many memories here. So I find it ironic that I am full circle and because of that I will do a forgiveness ritual near by. To say I forgive her and to say goodbye to my old life. Just writing this is making me sad and bringing tears to my eyes.
I know this will not alleviate all of my pain, it will be a good start though and might make my relationship with my ex smoother going forward.
It's been awhile since I've written anything here. I was reading an article today on Psychology Today and had an epiphany on why I was having such a hard time forgiving my ex.
The article is here if anyone would like to read it. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/splitopia/201504/moving-past-anger-in-divorce
My back story for those that don't know.
Together for 10.5 years, 2 young children, 7 and 4. Ex-wife was secretly unhappy and chose not to share it with me even when I asked her if she loved me and if we were ok. Had normal spats around some stuff, and in my opinion we had lots of fun too.
She met a man two weeks before leaving me and then broke it off with me. I've been pretty devastated ever since and this was 6.5 months ago. Lost my job about a month ago due to emotional issues and a lack of focus. (My fault for sure)
So I have been struggling with forgiving my ex and I have spent a lot of energy in making her wrong as often as I can. I'm angry, sad and upset about it all and this is how I was choosing to deal with her and the emotions.
The article above hit a chord with me and I realised I was not choosing to forgive her because to me it would feel like I was making her correct for the decision to leave me and for saying that we wouldn't have worked out even if she didn't meet her new bf.
In order for me to move on and heal properly I need to forgive her and understand that it is not me making her right in her decision. I can forgive her and still not agree with it.
I'm house sitting for a friend and the funny thing is she lives half a block from the apartment that my ex and I lived together in the first couple of years we were together. So many memories here. So I find it ironic that I am full circle and because of that I will do a forgiveness ritual near by. To say I forgive her and to say goodbye to my old life. Just writing this is making me sad and bringing tears to my eyes.
I know this will not alleviate all of my pain, it will be a good start though and might make my relationship with my ex smoother going forward.
RJays7
5 months is a drop in your grieving process
I think it will take us a few years to reach the forgiveness stage
when the pain is somewhat dulled
Good article and a goal I have for my health....eventually....in time
This new person has been in my life, although it may have been another "mistake", I was able to feel alive again.
Hope, you'll feel better soon!