Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Tom1157 05/30/2017

My wife decided she wanted to separate about 6 months ago and despite me pleading to actually go together to counselling and get help etc she refused and said she was done... I've dragged myself through, through moving our kids into a new house/ schools and making sure she and the kids were secure and sorted. Meanwhile I've been living in a small room near to work, visiting the kids at weekends and doing the best I can to get on.... I've been practical and fair with financial support and in many other ways - I have no trouble sleeping over that side of it.

I have now started dating.... just a couple of times and my wife says she knows I'm seeing someone else - I'm not, I've just been on 2 dates with different people, not that it is any of her business - and she hates it and wants to get back together and 'try'. Sadly I'm now at a point where I think it's too far gone. I feel like even if I wasn't going on dates I would still not want to get back together. I was firm but fair with her about it but she didnt take it well. I obviously feel aweful about it because all I ever wanted was my family back for 6 months but now I am through a lot of the bad and I feel a lot better. I don't think getting back together would work, we haven't changed and we still argue a lot even now.

Am I wrong for moving further forward and away from my marriage, destiny get it to end in divorce? Do I owe it to my kids to try again, even if I don't have faith it would work and would likely end the same in another few months or maybe a couple of years? Surely it's more cruel going back if I think it will fail again?

I'm feeling very troubled by it all. I was feeling positive and moving on and now I just feel all shaken up and a mess again?!

thoughts appreciated, no matter how honest.

Goals 05/30/2017

Follow your heart. I did the same mistake as you. I first put my kids before me. I say for now you are better off apart. This could go either way. Maybe she matures and can become a better spouse together or you see how someone else can respect you.

Tom1157 05/30/2017

Thanks mate. I think I knew the answer to this when I posted, or figured it out as I wrote it out but it helps to know it's not me being selfish. It's truly sad but I think we will be better apart. I will always care about her but this wasn't the first time she said she was done, I think the only thing that's changed is that I am stronger now and I think we all deserve better, less turbulent lives. My main concern is that I don't want to mess the kids about, for them to have false hope and then have their hearts broken again. If I thought it would work I would try again, but I don't think it will, so I suppose that's me listening to my heart. Thanks again for your message.

jojored 05/30/2017

Some couples go to discernment counseling, where I think a counselor evaluates whether they think the marriage is viable or not. For me, I just knew in my heart before we went into regular marriage counseling that he wouldn't take it seriously, and I was right. But if she's making you out to be a bad guy because you have recognized that there have been no positive changes in the marriage that would warrant a reconciliation, maybe this is something you two could go to, to help her see the realities.

Anonymous112211 05/30/2017

I dont think you are wrong at all. My wife wanted the separation. I told her with all of my heart that I felt it would be the end of our marriage. She still pressed. She did not take any of my concerns into consideration. So, here we are 2 months separated, a month into the divorce and rather than sit around my apartment alone, I decided it was time to make friends. I told her about it, and she got pissed because they were not guys. I reminded her I like woman, and that is what I want in friends right now, because they can help me see what I have done wrong. She hates it, but I dont care. That is the part for me that I realized my life has changed forever. I no longer care what she thinks.

The part of the family, I get that. And I find that tough. But I think you and your kids will be better off in the long run. But this is just my humble opinion with little in site into your world.

Good luck.

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