Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I think I am, but maybe this is just sheer emotion or maybe I'm getting deeper into my anger stage...????
To preface my "issue" a little bit about my personality: I'm the giver, the compassionate one, the Libra that sees both sides, the one that will try to work and work to the very end to get a positive outcome, etc. etc. etc. My stbxh said that I was the reason (including his last job) that kept him going and around... yadda, yadda, yadda.
My husband left me and my daughter. Mind you he's still around and we are remaining amicable. He came over last night to say goodnight to our daughter and as he was walking outside, my niece (who lives with us) was outside with a couple friends. One friend looked at my stbxh and said, "wow, he doesn't look good". My niece explained to me after she told me this that he looks more hunched over, he looks awful, he looks depressed...
Okay, big F-ing deal! He's unhappy? My world is the one that just stopped and was overturned!!!! I'm the one that is struggling with this and he's detached and moving on!!!! How is it that everyone has sympathy for him and overlooks me???
I'm the one that everyone goes to for everything and to make them feel better and give them a better outlook!!!!! What about me? I've gotten such miniscule help and sympathy from anyone!!!
Am I being selfish? Am I being a baby????? How is it that he can get this sympathy and I'm left to struggle? He made his bed, he can lay in it!
I know inside he is hurting. I know it isn't easy being the one to leave (as I've learned from so many just on here), but I feel like I'm not getting any support from anyone. No one calls and asks how I'm doing or anything... I know I'm not a bad person and have always just loved everyone and been there for everyone... God's honest truth!
Why am I feeling this way?
To preface my "issue" a little bit about my personality: I'm the giver, the compassionate one, the Libra that sees both sides, the one that will try to work and work to the very end to get a positive outcome, etc. etc. etc. My stbxh said that I was the reason (including his last job) that kept him going and around... yadda, yadda, yadda.
My husband left me and my daughter. Mind you he's still around and we are remaining amicable. He came over last night to say goodnight to our daughter and as he was walking outside, my niece (who lives with us) was outside with a couple friends. One friend looked at my stbxh and said, "wow, he doesn't look good". My niece explained to me after she told me this that he looks more hunched over, he looks awful, he looks depressed...
Okay, big F-ing deal! He's unhappy? My world is the one that just stopped and was overturned!!!! I'm the one that is struggling with this and he's detached and moving on!!!! How is it that everyone has sympathy for him and overlooks me???
I'm the one that everyone goes to for everything and to make them feel better and give them a better outlook!!!!! What about me? I've gotten such miniscule help and sympathy from anyone!!!
Am I being selfish? Am I being a baby????? How is it that he can get this sympathy and I'm left to struggle? He made his bed, he can lay in it!
I know inside he is hurting. I know it isn't easy being the one to leave (as I've learned from so many just on here), but I feel like I'm not getting any support from anyone. No one calls and asks how I'm doing or anything... I know I'm not a bad person and have always just loved everyone and been there for everyone... God's honest truth!
Why am I feeling this way?
I live my life by, "If you help enough people get what they want, you will get what you want" - Zig Zigler
So, I can understand your frustration. I worked very hard at trying to be sensitive and give as much empathy as possible to my wife. It's very hurtfull on this end to see it wasn't seen or appreciated.
FYI, I was the taker and the selfish one in this relationship. My husband was almost perfect, put me first all through the years of the marriage. I didnt see it coming until it was too late. For all the things that we did and said after that, I finally realized that it is better to walk away and he didnt stop me either. I truly believe it doesnt matter whether you are the one who walked away without looking back. Even though it is not your fault, it still hurts. My feelings are like a roller coaster ride. One day I feel on top of the world and the next day, in hell. Sometimes I feel sorry for the stbx and for myself, and sometimes angry at him and myself. I believe it is normal to go thru this grieving process.
Thats when the forgiveness part comes in. We all need to forgive ourselves for the things that you did or did not do and also forgive your partner for the things he did or didnt do enough. Easier said than done but we just have to keep trying...and I think I will die tryinghee hee hee
Maybe see it this way, your husband did the stupidest thing by leaving you and your child and now he is suffering. Not sure if this is comforting to you but at least you have a daughter out of this marriage, I have problems conceiving and now I dont think I will have someone to call my own ever.
Lastly, I am sure there must be a lot of people who care about you. You have my sympathy and I believe you are not being overlooked. Warmest wishes to you.
I have respect for anyone and everyone no matter what "side" or anything.
The other part that struck me is what you said about having my daughter out of the relationship. We, too, could not conceive so our daughter is adopted. That was one very terrifice and heroic thing he did for me during our relationship. He adopted our daughter with me.
He really wanted me to have a child so he agreed, probably against his better judgement at the time, to adopt a child with me. He doesn't regret it one bit now as he loves her like his own. I know it all sounds weird, but that's one thing I will always be grateful for.
I will try not to beat myself up about this anymore. I guess he too could be suffering... I guess I just wish people would reach out to me more.
I'll take whatever I can get here, though, as I know everyone here is going through the same thing and are very genuine in their advice, thoughts and well wishes.
Love to you all!
It really helps to know that I'm not completely alone!
I was a foster parent for criminy sake. I could handle anything, right?
Takers are just so pitiable when they're left alone. Often they don't know how to take care of themselves very well, they lack empathy and other basic social skills, and they seem lost and childlike in this way.
You aren't being a baby, and you probably never have! That's just the thing, it makes you seem strong. I agree with all the others here. And if it helps, I empathize with you!
And what is worse is that the b***h still wants more! She cheated on me, made my home into a zoo (She had over 30 cats and had even chickens and rabbits in the house) and was a slob from the word go. And she stillwants me to give her money, my car and pay all her bills. WTF?
Hhhmmm, seems to apply in most situations...
Thanks for everyone's responses... I'm not feeling so wrong now...