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Am I overthinking

ClassicVirgo1972
ClassicVirgo1972

Hi I'm new to the site and would like some other insight from someone that does not know me and will give me their honest opinion. I have been in a relationship for almost three but I recently found out that it has contained online dating which he stated was only to see nude pics. Also sending out pics nude of himself. I am being told by him that this is not cheating and my checking his phone and emails it's invading his privacy. Why am I feeling like I'm wrong

justMeplus3
justMeplus3
Is your relationship exclusive? If it is...then him being on dating sites or apps and sending and receiving nudes is not being true to your relationship. It's like he's just waiting for something better to come along, you should be first priority.
justlikemusic
justlikemusic
I'm sorry you're going through this, but what if it was the other way around. What if he caught you sending and receiving nudes? Would he consider that cheating? I feel like in a way it is a form of cheating. Why is he resorting to that when he's in a relationship with you. As far as you know it's only them sending nudes. What if the opportunity to meet and have sex came up? Would he not do it because he's with you? It's really tough and I'd be devastated as well. Trust your intuition, it never lies. Many times we choose to ignore it because we want things to be our way, but that gut feeling will guide you through no matter how painful it may be. It looks after your best interest regardless of what it is. I hope you are able to work things out and find what it is you have to do. Maybe he hasn't officially had sex and "cheated" but it sure caused a lot of pain, deception and it broke your trust. Now you're constantly worried about that and that's why you check his phone and e-mails which of course he doesn't like but do you like that? Do you like feeling like you can't trust him and that you have to check on him? It's not a healthy way to live. It's frustrating and just difficult. If it doesn't seem like he's willing to apologize and make things right with you, if he doesn't seem to take responsibility for what he did and the pain it caused you then he might obviously think it's not a big deal and that he didn't hurt you then you should reconsider being with him. You deserve someone who will be honest and won't cheat on you. I hope you are able to work things out. Take care, you're not alone.
11Christmases
11Christmases
You have a right to set up your own boundaries. If his communications and swapping nude pics makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to tell him so, and ask him to stop. It would certainly make me uncomfortable. I don't think you are overthinking. I think he's basically telling you that you have to be OK with it. No, you don't.
BrighterDaysAhead
BrighterDaysAhead
your gut is telling you the right thing. It doesnt feel right to you. so it probably isnt. Tell him so, if he doesnt want to be open, then the next move is yours, accept it or move on. its difficult,. but there would be very few who dont agree with you. Good luck Classicvirgo1972!