Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Since this is IT and there's no turning back, I think back on a lot of things. What is wrong with me and will I be this way forever? Can I trust anyone after this?
I think it's kind of difficult for me to accept this for some really odd reason. There were some times when my stbx had threatened divorce and never followed through with it saying (after his drinking) that he just said it out of anger or spite. I believed those times so when this time came around I thought he was being angry and spiteful.
But, there were points in our relationship that I wanted to leave him because of his drinking and mental/emotional abuse, but didn't because of this or that.
Is it difficult for me now because I'm not the one that did it? I wish I could understand my feelings and concerns. I just can't get a grasp on it.
Why haven't I cried all that much? Most everyone does, don't they? I read everyone's posts how they cry and are on some sort of medication?
Why am I not???? Am I a freak? I'm really torn up inside and am trying to float through my days and nights with the underlying feeling of fear and anxiety. I don't think I'm processing this properly and I don't know what to do from here.
I brought up what I typed up above. His response was this:
What do you want me to say to that?
I agree, I'm sorry. I mean it this time. I am not trying to be angry and spiteful.
Huh, can you be any more sensitive maybe?
I think it's kind of difficult for me to accept this for some really odd reason. There were some times when my stbx had threatened divorce and never followed through with it saying (after his drinking) that he just said it out of anger or spite. I believed those times so when this time came around I thought he was being angry and spiteful.
But, there were points in our relationship that I wanted to leave him because of his drinking and mental/emotional abuse, but didn't because of this or that.
Is it difficult for me now because I'm not the one that did it? I wish I could understand my feelings and concerns. I just can't get a grasp on it.
Why haven't I cried all that much? Most everyone does, don't they? I read everyone's posts how they cry and are on some sort of medication?
Why am I not???? Am I a freak? I'm really torn up inside and am trying to float through my days and nights with the underlying feeling of fear and anxiety. I don't think I'm processing this properly and I don't know what to do from here.
I brought up what I typed up above. His response was this:
What do you want me to say to that?
I agree, I'm sorry. I mean it this time. I am not trying to be angry and spiteful.
Huh, can you be any more sensitive maybe?
There is not a right or wrong answer. Maybe you feel more relief for now. All I did was cry for a month. And it hasnt helped me!LOL As long as you arent keeping your feelings locked up, I say you are just alot stronger than you thought. It dont have to be a bad thing.
At some point it's got to get out, right?
I don't think it's necessarily more difficult if you're not the one that did it. I think what's really difficult is that, if you've spent a lot of time in a relationship with someone who hasn't treated you the way you want to be treated (let alone someone who is abusive!) you know somewhere along the line you lost touch with your reasonable standards - so you're not sure if you can trust others, but also not sure if you can trust yourself!
Or maybe I'm just projecting my own feelings onto you. But that's how I feel, and I'm with you.
Also with you on the crying thing. I have hardly cried a drop. Don't really know why. I think I'm just not predictable like that. I didn't cry on 9/11, but a couple weeks ago I broke down in tears while I was watching the Casper the Ghost cartoon where he's trying to make friends and everyone runs from him and finally he gives up and just sits down on a log and cries.
I figure at this point all I can do is embrace my weirdness. Like I say, there's no proper way.
Daisy... embrace your weirdness even though it doesn't sound so weird to me.
You all do make sense and I guess I'm just thinking I should be at a different place than just right where I am.
Day by day, huh?
I do find that I get teary-eyed at the strangest things now. Like that PetCo commerical about the homeless animals - where the dog is saying, 'I'm not a bad dog, I just want a home." I've always read that movies, books and other forms of art are a catharsis for the emotions. I now understand that expression.
The other thing that I'm really struggling with a 'surreal' feeling that hits me at odd times - esp. when I've been with a group of people who don't know that hubby and I are about to split.
Not sure if I can describe the feeling - it's like.....is this really happening to me? Am I really going to be moving out? It's hard to explain but it is probably the most disturbing feeling I get. I've been told it's because my whole life is about to change - where I live, how I define myself... as a married woman, etc. Anyone else experience this?
I feel like they are looking at me weirdly or thinking thoughts of why are you here if he left you? Can't you move on? I know I'm being dramatic, but I just wonder.
I haven't been around everyone much since we filed, but no one has called me to lend support or anything.
It's all just so new and overwhelming.
We've agreed to just tell people it was a mutual thing and not give any details. I really don't want anyone gossiping about us. Another couple at our school split last summer and were very careful not to give any details. So although people tried to gossip about them, they couldn't 'cause know one knew what happened. I was impressed with the dignity this couple conducted themselves and hope we can pull our split off in the same manner.