Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I need advice. I'm a terrible person. We've been married for 10 years. I've been unfaithful more than once. I had a drug problem. His argument is that we get to a point where things are going ok for a year or two then I would cheat on him or he would find out that I had cheated on him in the past. As of right now, I have not cheated on him in 3 years. The last year or so I became addicted to prescription pain medications. I've been sober for 35 days. He wants a divorce, because he doesn't trust me. I want to fix our marriage. I don't want to get a divorce, because we have two kids and I'm scared to be alone. I love him so much and I can't imagine my life without him, but am I making things worse by not agreeing to a divorce. Should I let him go? I'm so scared and confused. I have mental health issues (depression and anxiety). I have been terrible to him emotionally, but I support him. He's a stay-at-home dad. I have a career, I make the money, pay the bills, take care of the house. He takes care of the kids and plays video games. Does all my work count for anything? Sorry I'm rambling. Thank you for listening.
I think the reason why you keep doing things you shouldn't be doing is 1. Unresolved internal conflict, pain, trauma etc 2. You know that no matter what he will take you back
Before he can take you back this time, he needs to heal.
Your children are donstantly exposed to your relationship drama. He needs a place to be cool and composed and focused on the kids. With you constantly upsetting him, the children are going to suffer.
You must be strong and live by yourself for a while. If you two truly love each other, you need to become friends again. Right now, he is your parent, your police. It is detrimental to love.
So, become friends first. If you do establish friendship and trust again, it may progress further and you can potentially be together again.
You also need to keep going to therapy as often as possible to help you stay on track with impulsive decisions.
I am sure you are a good person because you are trying. If you didn't care you wouldn't be here.
You have to let him go. Put him and the kids before you. It is the right thing to do.
I would suggest you talk to him and have a heart to heart where you ask him for a trial separation while you get help.
Make the decision to go to therapy and intense therapy to find your inner demons and figure out why you have made these mistakes.
Also get into a rehab program.
He needs to see that you are trying to fix your problem and that you love him and yourself enough to go through with it.
I wish you luck.
On a sadder note: As a man who has been cheated on several times, he needs you to let him go. You can't be selfish in this. If you love him let him go until you have truly gotten better. I have never had a worse heartbreak than the time I was cheated on. And my self esteem has never suffered as much either. I STILL suffer from low self esteem and this was over 3 years ago.
Love him enough to let him go if that is his wish.... and love yourself enough to seek help and own up to past mistakes.
The future you will thank you for doing it NOW.
Good Luck and blessings
The incidents you stated you have done should not have you caught by surprise that after many attempts, one feels no trust, that nothing will change and to be honest, I would just have to realize, this is how you are. Then ask myself, is this someone I want to go through the next however many years with?
Im sorry, but I would have to side with the fact that life to me is worth more. That some times, people just cant be together no matter how long they tried to make it work. Im never one to just quickly end anything. In fact, I'll hang on to long, making me look like the crazy one in the end. So in growing up and having the experiences I have, I'd be done by now myself and need to save whats' left of my own self, life and kids.
Enough just becomes enough.
Your comment about his video game playing can give us on the outside a look in to what may be beneath some of the reasons you act out. But I can't really give any credit to anyone who steps outside a relationship before they end the relationship.
As others here have said, you both have some hills to climb and doing them separately as well as together may give the relationship a chance in the end. But we here, do not know to what extent things have already gone in the relationship for you two. So maybe for him, enough is enough already.
Welcome to the group