
Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

pam96
My husband of 9 years left me a month ago. I asked him then if his ultimate goal was divorce, he said "no". He just wants a separation.
Since then I have kind of cornered him into saying that he does want a divorce but then he talked to my brother & said he only wanted separation. He then tells me at another time that he thinks "we are not compatible" & that we should move on".
I am so confused. I thought we had a good relationship & we had a great sex life for the last 6 months we were together. I was completely blindsided by this. Whenever things were wrong in the past, the sex would be non-existant for months so I at least had a hunch something was up....
I think he has abandonment issues from his childhood (placed in boarding school at 7 yrs. old) as he has never been able to show me affection like he could with our daughter or pets. We were also having money problems when he left & he has sold our house in less than a month which will pay off alot of our debts.
Last night he got upset with me because I said I was accepting it was over & that I would go out & meet someone else. He took that to mean that I was going out that night to meet someone else to have sex.He texted me at 11pm but I figured I would just let him think what he wanted & didn't reply. He then began texting me at 5:30 in the morning angry & saying that I had "jeopardized" any chance or reconciliation or friendship because of my said intentions".
Am I holding on to the past? Does anyone else think he is "confused" as I do....I want him back so bad!!! Please help!
Since then I have kind of cornered him into saying that he does want a divorce but then he talked to my brother & said he only wanted separation. He then tells me at another time that he thinks "we are not compatible" & that we should move on".
I am so confused. I thought we had a good relationship & we had a great sex life for the last 6 months we were together. I was completely blindsided by this. Whenever things were wrong in the past, the sex would be non-existant for months so I at least had a hunch something was up....
I think he has abandonment issues from his childhood (placed in boarding school at 7 yrs. old) as he has never been able to show me affection like he could with our daughter or pets. We were also having money problems when he left & he has sold our house in less than a month which will pay off alot of our debts.
Last night he got upset with me because I said I was accepting it was over & that I would go out & meet someone else. He took that to mean that I was going out that night to meet someone else to have sex.He texted me at 11pm but I figured I would just let him think what he wanted & didn't reply. He then began texting me at 5:30 in the morning angry & saying that I had "jeopardized" any chance or reconciliation or friendship because of my said intentions".
Am I holding on to the past? Does anyone else think he is "confused" as I do....I want him back so bad!!! Please help!
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
The painful truth here? Sounds like he doesn't know what the hell he wants. Issues in a marriage really need to be worked on together and his reaction was to run away. Not a very good sign...if you truly love him and want things to work, suggest couples counseling? If he's not willing to go for it...unfortunately I think there's your defining answer. I'm sorry you are going through this.
He has run away before almost 3 years ago he said he didn't know if he still loved me....then he went home to South Africa for a month & when he returned things went great. But then too, there were other things in his life that were pressuring him which is why I tend to lean that way this time too....
I also feel there is some control issue here because he would never stand up for himself & now he seems to like this feeling of control over me.
All I know is I feel like I will die without him....
If you sincerely meant you were accepting it is over and are ready to move on (although after a month most people are nowhere near ready to date others) then that's fine. But if you were only telling him that in hopes of getting a reaction out of him, the reaction you wanted, then you are playing with fire. It can and will backfire on you.
I don't think you are holding onto the past. It's only been a month. Most people couldn't get over the lost of a beloved pet in a month, let alone a marriage.
And, yes, he does sound very confused. If you are hoping to get back together, you might want to set some ground rules with him. Ie, no dating others. Counseling for both of you, together or separately. Agree on the amount of communication you will have (ie, limited or unlimited) agree about whether you talk about the status of the marriage on ad hoc basis or only at agreed upon times. If he is sincere about just wanting a separation he will agree to some rules about it. On the other hand, some people can't bring themselves to say they want a divorce so they try to ease into it by saying they just want a separation. Hard to know which side your husband falls down on.
Even if you can't get him into martial counseling, it would be helpful for you to go alone and sort some of this out. Hugs and good luck.