Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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tcl18 01/02/2015

I am looking for opinions/reassurance/advice. My ex comes and goes as he pleases, usually calling last minute on Friday to take our son for the weekend. Leaving me scrambling to get weekend homework, bags packed at the last minute. Exams are coming in three weeks, told ex yesterday that the weekends will be study filled. This morning I emailed him saying that this weekend would be good if he wanted to spend time with him because study time would be minimal, just starting. That was 11am. He didnt email me back until 10 PM to say he was out of town and it would have been nice. He has insinuated before that he doesnt see him enough, but it took him almost 12 hours to respond to an opportunity to spend time with him. I asked him to let me know when he was going to be away not where or what he will be doing, just let me know so Ill know what to tell our son and in the event that something happens. Is that unreasonable? Also asked for a regular schedule so that I know and he knows when our son will be home with me or with his Dad, rather than the last minute deals weve been working with. My ex has no ability to plan homework and study time, so I need to do that and he knows that. Its like he comes and goes when he pleases, but if I need a weekend to myself I have to ask him permission and whether or not it fits his schedule. Am I being reasonable in my expectations here or completely unreasonable?

Juneday 01/03/2015

Sorry to hear your problem. I don't think you are being unreasonable but do you have court order as to visitation? if not I would strongly suggest that you get something start through court. Once it is all in writing then you and your son will be able to plan better. It will in the long run be better if you can get the court to get a set visitation. He is controlling the situation the only way you can take control and order is to go to court. Look on your county website to see what you can do. My county has online paperwork where I don't need a lawyer. Take control back.

Good luck stay strong.

kbbcoop77 01/03/2015

Wow...!!?? Isn't there a visitation schedule? This is beyond unreasonable. You guys need a schedule with set times, days, holidays, summer vacations etc...my ex had that with her first husband and of course he broke it over and over and lost his visitation privileges but he didn't care he basically abandoned his kid but for you to ask permission and scrambling when he snaps his fingers?? No way!

tcl18 01/03/2015

I am in Canada and in my province we have a process where we can develop our own separation agreements including custody and visitation but he has been dragging his feet. I'm tying to be respectful f his time - he is busy, but my first attempt at a draft of an agreement was greeted with " this makes me sick to my stomach". He is the one who fooled around and caused the end, but he still seems to be playing the twist the blame on to me game. I don't want to argue or point fingers anymore (although that urge can be quite strong), I just want to move on and get things settled in a reasonable fair way.

EmotionalCutter 01/03/2015

You are absolutely not unreasonable! Not only is it tough to plan how to move forward with your own life, all the uncertainty can not feel good to your son. In the beginning of my separation, I tried to wing it and make it work. Unfortunately, my son mentioned that he didn't "know where he was sleeping" one weekend. That was enough for me to understand that it needed to stop. Kids need stability especially while going through a divorce.
Is your ex open to figuring out a regular schedule? If not, maybe just draw up one based on your needs and what you think is fair & present it. If your ex is anything like mine, he'll agree just so he doesn't have to deal with the work of figuring it out.

tcl18 01/03/2015

Thanks everyone. My ex had a habit of taking his mistakes and twisting them to be mu fault somehow - I guess that's why I keep second guessing my instincts with regards to decisions that involve him.

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