Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Since the breakup, I've had other people around. Either staying with friends, or my roommate, or even my ex. While both the ex and the roommate went out of town for the holiday, a friend came up and stayed at the apartment. He left this morning, and I'm alone through at least tomorrow afternoon It's the first time I'm spending all day and all night alone since the breakup. It feels terrible.
I've been sitting on the couch all day. I don't think I'll talk myself into doing anything else, but I also am anxious at the thought of sitting here until I'm tired enough to sleep, only to go to sleep in this empty apartment and wake up tomorrow panicked and alone. I'm still surrounded by his things. There's enough that's the same that part of me can stay in denial.
I've started collecting things to put away. Old Valentine's Day letters, a painting he made for me when we first started dating (it was this insanely complicated paint by numbers thing, and he was so focused for days... when I found out he intended to give it to me, I melted). Things from our first date. Putting them away has been really hard. I love all of these things. We have such a great history. I don't want to make room for the new.
I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next two weeks. A week of him packing things and slowly moving. The actual day he moves and leaves my life (until, fingers crossed, we can start again as friends). The 12th, which would have been our anniversary. So much pain ahead, and nothing I can do about it. So overwhelmed. :(
I've been sitting on the couch all day. I don't think I'll talk myself into doing anything else, but I also am anxious at the thought of sitting here until I'm tired enough to sleep, only to go to sleep in this empty apartment and wake up tomorrow panicked and alone. I'm still surrounded by his things. There's enough that's the same that part of me can stay in denial.
I've started collecting things to put away. Old Valentine's Day letters, a painting he made for me when we first started dating (it was this insanely complicated paint by numbers thing, and he was so focused for days... when I found out he intended to give it to me, I melted). Things from our first date. Putting them away has been really hard. I love all of these things. We have such a great history. I don't want to make room for the new.
I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next two weeks. A week of him packing things and slowly moving. The actual day he moves and leaves my life (until, fingers crossed, we can start again as friends). The 12th, which would have been our anniversary. So much pain ahead, and nothing I can do about it. So overwhelmed. :(
It's OK to remember the good times. My therapist tells me that it's good to remember being loved and loving someone else. It's something we all want to experience, isn't it? The break up part sucks a whole lot but the being loved part is good....and know that you will be loved again. I keep telling myself that I want to not only be loved, but loved by someone who REALLY wants to be with me. The love I remember is the love that no longer existed in our relationship and so there is no use in really missing it because it was no longer there, you know?
And the first nights alone are awful. There is no way around that. I spent a lot of nights sleeping (sort of) on the couch with the TV on all night. It gets better though. You'll develop a new routine that doesn't involve your ex and eventually that will seem normal and OK.
It will be hard to have him come pack up all his stuff, but try to stay strong. I think I would choose to not be there while he took his stuff away but that is up to you. We all deal differently. Good luck to you. You WILL feel better. I wouldn't worry too much about staying friends right away unless that is something you have both discussed. I have found that no contact makes things tso much easier while you are trying to heal.
Good Luck! This too shall pass.
Sitting here, alone in the bed and trying to remember to breathe... and it's not working well. Everything is hard enough as it is, but I know he'll be back to the apartment at some point today, and I'm torn between dreading the feelings that will come with that, and desperately wanting to see him. I'm such a mess.