Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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rose77 12/05/2009

So I went to the mediator, since she can only represent one of us on paper I told her to represent me back when we found her since I am the one who did find her. Anyway so since she really represent me she has me in and went over page by page the settlement papers and had me sign the summons and complaint. Normally if we were using a lawyer he would be served the summons, but since we are using a mediator and he declined to use a lawyer he will come in and be given the summons by her. I did come home from signing it and felt sad I know this is what I want with out a doubt, but I never wanted to be divorced, I always hoped I would be married forever, but I am doing this because I can't be with him he will never change. So I came home and put up Christmas decorations, did it help, well a little, it took my mine off of it for a second. So anyway he found out I went to see her, and today he texted me did he have to go to that meeting I texted him back no I had to sign the summons and complaint. He asked me what it was for, and I told him it was just to get the process going. He texted me back " ok I was scared for a minute." I texted him back why ( meaning why were you scared) and all he said was he thought it was for something else. I didn't want to keep texting him so I let it be, but I have to say I am now wondering what he thought it was for, and what he is doing he is so scared of. So it is almost done within the next two weeks we will go in to sign the papers and she will send them to the judge to be signed. She says it depends how backed up the courts are as to when we will be divorced. It does sadden me, but I have to keep thinking I could NOT live the way I was. He was making me think I was the crazy one. So this is a good thing. I just have to move on.

Lucille6 12/05/2009

Good for you Rose.Stick to your guns.YOu know what is best for you.You deserve to be treated better.Hugs

trisha9054 12/05/2009

It was a sad time when I made the decision to divorce the ex. But like you I knew I couldn't live like that any more.

I think like me, you didn't have the marriage that was right for you. You were able to put up your Christmas decorations. Good for you.

I was so happy when I had the divorce papers in my hand when I left the courthouse but it hit me hard about two weeks later. Still it was the right decision.

This will hurt and the emotions will be there; up and down but you know in your heart you've done the right thing.

deleted_user 12/05/2009

We are in the mediation process as well. Today he is suppose to send me the "disposition of assets" we have agreed upon and next week I will get it to my attorney. Like you I thought we would be together forever. We had a wonderful future planned until his high school sweetheart friended him on Facebook. The rest is history - he has to pursue his unfulfilled fantasy. I am left to pick up the pieces and move on. Move on we will my friend and we will be better women for it. I woke up this morning in our bed "feeling" his arms around me but I must let go of thought and go on with the day and go on with my life. Look ahead, not behind. If the eyes had no tears the soul would have no rainbows.

rose77 12/06/2009

Thank you for you encouragement, it means a lot to have others beside me who have gone through this and knows how it feels.
The different emotions that you go through no one can understand unless you have gone through it your self.

deleted_user 12/06/2009

Big Hugs. This is a tough time youare going through...

deleted_user 12/06/2009

We tried going through a mediator, but it didn't work for us. Now we are doing the arguing lawyer thing. I filed in May and still haven't got a list of his assests.

I wonder if quicker is easier or harder sometimes. Sometimes I wish we were just done, and other times I'm thankful I have time to grieve.

I also planned on getting married for life, and was very disappointed that divorce turned out to be our only answer. I hear you loud and clear on that one. But I am happier now than I have been for years, and know it will just get better.

I would be a little alarmed about his concern, thinking it was something else. What is that about? I believe that my STBX has income or accounts that I don't know about.

Good luck to you. You are on the right path taking an interest in getting ready for Christmas, that's awesome. Keep busy, try to stay positive, but you still have to grieve.

Hugs - Kate

rose77 12/09/2009

I was thinking that his concern could be other accounts. I know he works off the books and makes a nice amount of money from this, but I was told that since it is not a steady income I cannot bring it up, but who knows what he is thinking, It could also have to do with his many girlfriends he has obtained. I know he goes to other states and visits them. I know he has many that he gets off the internet. He collects them like people collect baseball cards. I would like to know what he is concerned with, but you know what even if i texted him what do yo mean by that he would have just lied like he always did.

lycesq 12/10/2009

Rose - I wish you all the best. It is hard but you can still find happiness like putting up your decorations. Good for you!

Lynne

deleted_user 12/10/2009

I sucks when someone tries to make you think that you are crazy. No one can live that way. I'm sorry this happened to you Rose.

Anyse 12/11/2009

My ex refused to use a mediator because she did not want to pay spousal support. She felt that she should never, ever have to give me one cent after she abandoned me. Well, I get $900 out of her pocket, another $900+ from my ownership of half of her pension and I get my own retirement and SSI. She would have had to pay spousal support no matter what according to the California Civil Code. So, what happens? She has paid close to $15K in attorney fees fighting over every cent and, to add to the pain for her, because she forced me to seek representation and I have a waiver for attorney fees because I am on SSI, she will have to pay for my own attorney as well! Cooperation is key to a better divorce as it cuts down on the animosity and the adversarial position one has to take when using an attorney. Well, she left, she wanted it all her way and she is the one who is angry about it all! I don't know why she is not happy to have the final, ultimate control over a relationship by ending it!

deleted_user 12/11/2009

It's all very confusing and so emotionally draining,..mediator or not.

I don't blame you for being curious about his 'fear'..but hopefully you can pull that back and just concentrate on making this a nice, clean cut.

It's all about you healing and moving on with your beautiful life.

((rose))

deleted_user 12/11/2009

I know it's hard but you will make it through. You say you know it's for the best so find comfort in that. I'll be doing the same soon and I'm nervous but I know it's the right thing to do as well.

rose77 12/12/2009

Yes the emotions are all over the place. Because I have no doubt that what I am doing is for the best. It will be a healthier life for me without him being a part of it. But it is making me sad that the marriage is over. As I said before I never wanted to be divorced and really had hoped he could have changed. That was an unrealistic thought considering the fact that he was who he was from the beginning, and that his negative personality and what he was doing just magnified as the years went by. I just have to keep remembering that I would rather be by myself then be with someone who showed me no respect and treated me so very badly. Thank you all for your support

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