I think you are confused to be angry at him for any reason. You stopped displaying interest in your spouse. If you can't love something, you don't deserve to have it. That's a hard truth that many people can't get their head around.

To blame all this on one episode of depression is disingenuous. To blame your husband for not magically seeing what was going on and getting you help belies the obligation you have to yourself to be self-aware and see to your own medical needs. I believe you are blowing your one opportunity to save your marriage by not accepting responsibility for your own behavior and blaming the victim. Get your head straight on this one, cause you are probably only going to get one chance, if that.

Send him a short text. Apologize for not giving him the love and attention he deserved. Don't start blaming the depression or leave him with the impression you are angry WITH HIM. Let him know that you love and miss him terribly and ask him for one chance to speak to him openly to give you both closure.

If he is kind enough to extend you this courtesy, carefully pre-chose your words. Take responsibility for neglecting yourself and your relationship. Let him know you are more self-aware and will not let depression rob you of your personal happiness or impact your relationship again. Make it clear he is one of the most important parts of your life. Keep things positive. Maybe bring him a small token of your esteem, then ASK HIM OUT ON A DATE. Think of some place he'd really enjoy going and plan an evening that's all about him.

If you are really lucky and he hasn't found someone else, you just might get another chance. If he refuses ask if you can at least be friends, then move one with your life. That's all I've got for a situation like this. Best of luck, cause there nothing worse than losing a good man out of neglect.

you should give him some space/time to think about the relationship you both share but just before that, you should tell him where you exactly stand (your wish to make it work), how you are changing for the better and clear out any misunderstanding so that he is not making decision (about the relationship) based on false beliefs.

I'm going to ignore the first response since it is completely wrong in the assumptions made. I said he said I didn't desire him, I never said I stopped doing everything I could to show him I loved him, this was his messed up thinking not mine.
Since he has left I have told him where I stand, I told him one of the times we talked, I wrote him a letter and left it for him when he came to get mail. When he left he said he would try marriage counseling, but since then everytime I have brought it up he just says he needs time. He knows I still love him and want him back, he just hasn't done anything to let me know if this is just wishful thinking and he's completely done or if he still just needs time before talking to me.
It's really tough, I know he wanted time, or still does, but the no contact is just so hard, I don't know what he's doing on his end, if anything to help himself or if he's moved on. I just feel so in the dark.

you should discuss with him how long he needs and how long you can wait for his response(weeks ? months ?) as you cannot just wait for his response indefinitely. Also he should know that just wanting and desiring in his mind isn't going to repair the relationship. He needs to put it into action and willing to put the effort into the relationship if he truly want it to work. hopefully he is spending his time wisely and deeply/realistically reflecting about his own self, you and the relationship together so that he doesn't end up regretting his decision.

I feel bad for people so mired in their issues that they can't see their own situation clearly. You hit the nail on the head with "He told me he had been moving out for 3 months and I hadn't noticed, and said I had changed and no longer desired him."

-He'd been moving out for three months and you didn't notice?
-You changed?
-You no longer desired him?

Whether you think his complaints are valid or not is immaterial. He told you exactly why he was leaving. You apparently keep saying the same old thing. He was willing to try marriage counseling there for a minute but now keeps saying he needs time. Something is holding him back and my guess is he cannot bring himself to believe things will different this time because you aren't saying what he needs to hear to feel this relationship has a chance. SHOW HIM how important this is to you by doing something different and out of the box You're saying 'come back to me', he's not so I suggested trying to reboot the relationship. Then again you could just keep ignoring the one person giving you a tangible lifeline to grasp onto. In the end, it's your choice. If the relationship matters you will step outside your box, if it doesn't you'll keep saying the same old stuff to him.

I understand what you are going through. My wife left me after many years of marriage. She won't talk to me at all. First thanksgiving not together. I didn't understand hard difficult this process would be...