He won't agree to getting help and would watch me destroy myself without lifting a finger.

Please reach out to someone right now, friend, minister, relative, someone you know who cares. Thank goodness you did not succeed. Taking your own life is never the answer. I don't know the specifics of your marriage but please don't let his toxicity make you do something crazy. Please, we are all here to listen and help and support you thru this.

I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I agree with Sarah. Please reach out This is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK(8255). There are others as well, but it's a place to start.

Also, if you aren't seeing a qualified therapist, please find one. Never mind doing therapy with your stbx. Just do this for YOU! You deserve it. (Besides, therapy works better if both people have been in individual therapy for a while before starting joint therapy.)

I took the liberty of looking at your profile and based on what I saw, I would say your stbx is at best a selfish jerk and at worst, an abuser. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you. A wise therapist once told me that in order to have a happy healthy loving relationship with another person, we must first have that with ourselves. Please give yourself the gift of love and respect by taking good care of you and getting out of the toxic environment that you're living in right now.

You might also want to check w/your local DV shelter. They offer referrals to therapists and attorneys. They also offer free support groups. (DV shelters not only those who are physically or sexually abused, but also those who are emotionally, mentally, financially abused as well.

Please take good care of you!!!

~healing hugs~

PS, you might also check out CoDA meetings in your area. They can be very helpful when it comes to focusing on self care.

I need to ask you - did you do this to be try to "get a rise" out of him and get him I'm to care?

YOU need counseling. You don't need to self harm to get someone to care. You can not and shouldn't have to manipulate someone to get them to care. Because that's what it is. Manipulation.

Any relationship you're in is doomed until to start caring about and helping yourself.

You need to be the one lifting a finger to get yourself help.

Aka i could tell the other day you were
Reaching out but not really saying what
Was going on.

In recovery so much is being willing to
Reach out to healthy loving caring people.
Its hard i know, i had to get on rock bottom
Before i was willing.

Sending you love and support, a therapist Is
great at helping us get centered and Focused.
I love my therapist she validates Me and steers
and corrects me when its needed.

I beat every bush i could find to help myself go
Forward so i could heal and grow. I have peace
Now in my life. Joy And happiness is a process
And it takes time to regain.

Sending you a big warm fuzzy hug

((((((( Akacountry)))))

I agree with others that self-harm is NEVER the answer. I empathize with you in that it feels like you're desperate to obtain his attention SOMEHOW. But in the final analysis, you'll never get a clear sense of how he feels by manipulating him.

My path was not as severe, but whenever I felt distraught and abandoned I would begin chain-smoking cigarettes. Very painful. We need to have self-respect. They will begin to see the change in you once they realize they no longer can control you. That is the first step to gaining greater clarity, both about yourself and about your relationship. Re-appraise and decide (you're in control) whether it's worth pursuing or not.

My prayers are with you. The Lord is there right now where you are. He will not let you suffer if you seek Him.

thats a cute little puppy in that picture, is it yours?

btw, no one is worth ending your own life over. and I mean no one. Not even Anna Kendrick. ;)