Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

1 Online

brittany8 08/21/2014

I have made great strides in the last week. Ihave dedicated myself to the gym.... Focusing on myself, and my daughter. I have been having elevated anxiety, but I am working throught that. I have seen or spoke to the EX since last weekend, and feeling good about it. He called me last night, to discuss something about my daugher, but that is something we discussed already, so not sure what the REAL reason for the call was. He seemed curious about the sudden change in me going to the gym, asking me what have I been up to. I told him I was focusing on myself, and moving on. He was very silent throughtout the convo, and hinted around that he was not a happy person. All I could say to him was that just like me, he deserved to be happy, and if this new"friend" makes him happy, then thats great. But he started to downplay his "friendship" with this woman. I know he doesn't want to reconcile, but yet, it seems the furthur I pull away, the more curious he is..... After we usually spoke, I always felt down, But last night for the first time, I didn't. Hearing him tell me he doesn't know what he wants, after all this time, only makes mewant to keep going with my plan, of moving forward.

babygirlm25 08/21/2014

brittany you and i are in the complete same situation...time wise as well. He did the exact same thing to me the night before last. As much as i felt good, that he is finally getting some realization of what this all means, today i dont feel good about it.

They cant play with our emotions like that....any bit of hope he gives me that he is coming around...only hurts again when i am wrong.

I have told him we will ONLY be talking strickly about my daughters now...no small talk. I have to for me to heal.

brittany8 08/21/2014

It seems they don't want us, but don't want anyone else to have us either. I said to him last night that If he met someone, and was truly in Love, or even just truly happy, then I was happy for him. He could not answer that. He said he was not happy, but he was OK. That he is not looking for any thing from anyone. That this "friend" is just that... With benefits of course. We have been sperated for 3 years, so it was bound to happen. But to hear him say he does not know what he wants after all this time, I know he never will... At least with me. As hard as that is for me... It is my reality. I told him I focus on the good memories that we had together, instead of the bad. We have 18 years of memories, and they were not all bad. We had great years together. I know he is in a mid-life crises, and I told him, whatever road he takes I hope it was worth it. I am giving him all the space I can, while moving forward with myself. Only time will tell were my story will end up. But I am not just going to sit in the wings, waiting for him to decide. I decided for him, and now it's time for me to move on... You and I can get through this

milliejay 08/21/2014

Yup - sounds like the usual games people play when we show that we are moving on, becoming strong, independent, etc. By nature, people who appear needy, available, clingy, etc, are not attractive and appealing to some, the more you build yourself, the more enticing and desirable you will be, do it for you, not for him. Keep up the gym and working on you and keep the talks about the kids. How cute that he's downplaying the GF. If I was you I wouldn't entertain any type of personal talk whether they are about you or him. Him not knowing what he wants - can't drive you also to not know what you want. Couples who keep communicating at the level that you are, do nothing but waste precious time they can be spending on bouncing back.

I sense that you don't want to let him go and I can understand that but when it's been 3 years and he's seeing someone, you do yourself a greater favor by detaching and even dating, in other words, "DO YOU". If later on he realizes that it was YOU who he really wanted - well, then at that point you can decide if you still want him.

"Don't make someone your priority when you are only an option."

brittany8 08/21/2014

You are absolutly correct. My therapist said the same thing to me. That I wasn't ready to move on. And deep down, I prob don't. But I have had great motivation from this site, and has helped me to learn to let get go a little at a time. It is time for me to DO ME..

deleted_user 08/21/2014

Seems like a lot of these men have hit that midlife crisis and freaked out. Just a sudden change in character and a lot of damage. I hope one day they realized what they've done. By then we will be healed and happy and indifferent with regards to them.

brittany8 08/21/2014

That's what I told him... I hope it was all worth it

Join the Conversation