Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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feliciaw382 02/18/2017

- In the beginning of the marriage, he never went around his family or had anything to do with them. He never cared about celebrating Holidays, mother day, or birthdays.

- I didn't pay it too much mind, but something in the back of my head didn't feel comfortable about the way he distant himself from his family

- As years and years went by. I started questioning, why don't I know any of his family members and why my kids have no relationship with his mother or siblings. He always answered with; people have their own lives to live. However, I know his family dislike me and talk bad about me to the rest of his family.

- What I don't understand - Why does he act like there's no indifference among us. He love to make me feel like its all in my head and I'm crazy.

-The kicker - for the first time in 17 years. He accused me, for not having a relationship with his mother and sister, to the therapist. After I tried for years to get understanding on why there was no communication, but manipulation and control ruling the relationships between everyone. There has never been honesty among any of us. Only betrayal, deceit, confusion, resentment, and bitterness.

- I'm soo hurt, he refused to take accountablility for his role he played. Instead, he betrayed me and accused me for his family dysfunctional patterns.

- He have a total of 6-8 uncles and aunts on his mother side that are living but don't communicate with any of them.

Why do you think, he's doing this?

ceaser 02/18/2017

I'm young so I don't think I'm wise enough to get you any help, but I want you to know that I care and understand how you feel. I am going to pray for you and I hope that everything works out for you.

jojored 02/19/2017

A tactic emotionally dishonest people often employ is projecting their own issues onto their spouse. He's the one who never connected with his family, you tried. Let me guess, the therapist started asking about your relationships with your families, and when it came to him, he said he has none or that it's limited because of you. He blamed you for his own shortcomings. He can't confront the reasons he did not have a relationship, he doesn't want to accept responsibility for it, and it's easy to blame you.

I feel for you. I live with an emotionally dishonest person, and after some years, finally realized I had no trust in him. My stbx has very limited capacity for true empathy, he's emotionally still about 4 years old. His own hurt and joy is all he sees. I hope for your sake that yours can learn to understand himself, because if he can't be comfortable in his own skin, he can't truly have an adult relationship.

GettingBetterEveryday 02/19/2017

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have a very manipulative, dishonest and immature ex that I continue to have to deal with ( as much as I don't want to). I completely relate to the questions, second guessing, things that just don't make sense that has built up over the years. And you end up feeling like you're crazy! I don't know if you'll ever get the "why" ( I've come to terms that if I do, I'll never be satisfied with the answers). I don't think you'll get answers from him or an adequate explaination of why he has done this but I do hope that you can find answers for yourself so that you can move on and heal. Best of luck

feliciaw382 02/20/2017

Thank you guys for your input. @jojored you're absolutely on point with your comment and @ GettingBetterEveryday I relate and understand your feelings, soo much.

What scares me the most is I may be emotionally dependent with this person. Feels like, I'm in too deep to get out. I'm scared to be alone or without him that I except this unhealthy treatment from him, when I know it's wrong.

What does that say about me? I need help

mirandac 02/20/2017

Thats when you have your own therapist, to find out
The Whys and to help guide you. I also go to Alanon
That helped me a lot too. HUGS

feliciaw382 02/20/2017

I just started individual therapy three weeks ago. I guess, it's time start going to Al-anon, consistently. Thank you, Mirandac.

mirandac 02/20/2017

I have been going to both since 2012 and i
should Have been going the whole 30 years
Even though he was dry. I needed help too.
HUGS

JeanaRose 02/20/2017

This is just one of those distractions that a spouse or boyfriend will pull, to take the focus off themselves. He probably brought this up when he was starting to feel his chair warming up during a discussion of some other subject.

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