I make myself go to a public place an interact with other people or at least be around people when I am scared and feeling alone. I find out what makes me feel safe. It may be pleasant thoughts of my lost loved ones looking out for me and knowing they never really leave me alone. I find comfort in this. You are not alone. Best Wishes and Happy Holidays

same as charlie and i plan and plan to the last minute and i usually have the radio on ( some company ) . Actually when i am in my little cocoon, i may feel lonely, but i feel safe. hey, do you have a pet? my advise, get one. best buddy you will ever have. i really try not to spend too much time 'alone'.

write a list of times you were scared but succeeded anyway. access your strength by remembering you can kick butt because fear is awful but it can't kill you. look at your list and remember who you are. and think how good this will look on the list 5 years from now after you got past all of this and lived to kick butt another day.

I am so sorry what you are going through.
I was thinking of a pet too. Sometimes they really can provide comfort and they have unconditional love for you. Can't beat that.
I'm thinking you will lose the scary feeling real soon.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you all for the great suggestions. I do have the most wonderful pet. I also have kids that adore me. I have to be strong for them, but I am totally faking it. Inside I am so afraid. Realistically, I know I will be okay someday, but my heart feels like it is going to be broken forever. I know healing is something I cannot rush, but I wish it would hurry up already. Thanks again. :)

Tammi

Sweetie, it will take time. I was single(and lovin it) until I was 42. When he divorced me, it was hard to get that confidence back. My folks are gone, too. When my dad died in January I turned around and realized that for the first time in over 50 years, I truly was alone. But I felt empowered by it.
It's too easy to hibernate. Instead push yourself out of your comfort zone a little. It is scary, I know-but so worth it.

Gem and Dumpee, the pet idea is genius. Kiss your brains. :) my dogs have been such a blessing to me through this. I'm so sorry about your parents and your sisters that has to be so hard, I can't even imagine.
You know, it's funny you mention safety, because it's something women value, need and desire deeply. To feel safe.
I get lonely, I get very afraid and my brain won't shut up when I need to sleep and relax, it helps me to cuddle with my dogs, listen to music,pray, hug my kids, or bake. I don't know why, but baking is just comforting. Warm, sweet and smelling yummy, fresh out of the oven witha cup of coffee.....God bless America, it's wonderful.

Pets and kids, that's what keeps me going sometimes too. There is no better feeling when my kids run up to greet me when I walk in the door, or one of the cats jumps in my lap and starts to purr.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You've been together so long that you may have forgotten how to handle being alone, but you sound like a strong person, and I believe it will come back to you. You have your kids and your pet, and support from friends here. You are not alone, you will find your strength and make it through.

I can so relate and we are the same age- I think age impacts this whole thing a bit for some reason - I found myself single after being married for most of my adult life and my parents are also gone, so it's just me and my kids. I stay active as much as I can but I also allow slow days where I read and relax. At first I was panicking and running away frm the sadness but my therapist helped me embrace how I felt - in no time I even stopped the sessions b/c I felt better - but after 6 months I still have my moments - the holidays can be tricky - but I try not to isolate myself - that's worst. Hang in there :)

The best advice I was given after making a very similar situation is to simply sit with my feelings and let myself feel. They are all natural feelings but deciding to sit with them ironically gave me some odd sense of control. One time it had been over two days of sitting before I felt it was time to get out and went to the dog park. Allowing myself to sit with the feelings somehow gave me a sense of control over them.

It was a combination of sitting and forcing myself to get out and with both it was a practice of being uncomfortable. It is hard to explain but the conscious decision to confront those fears and to allow them to pass has changed me.

Decisions made during emotional moments that involve the lives of our children requires further work but this in the long run but this is another matter.

My very best to you and your family

I'm trying to be positive. I know that everyday I hurt is one day closer to happiness, although it feels like I will never be happy again. I forgot how much heartache hurts. I wish life had an undo button and a delete button.

When I'm afraid, which is often as I'm still kind of new here,
I think about what has to get done for the kids and then I do it,
Kind of like, uh oh the ship is sinking, what do we need to do,
Get a life boat, what supplies do we need in the boat,
If it was just me, I might get too distracted by the event but with the kids I can focus on what has to happen for them to survive and that means that I gotta " pull it together "

I'm sorry for your situation, I've figured out that I'm still broken and that it will still be a bit of time before I put the pieces of me back together, I'm not going to try and put them together as they were before

Oh, find ways to exercise, eat well, and sleep.
Once I got a little control
Of those things I could think a little clearer

I hope the best for you children and you

I think all of us at one time or another in this journey have dealt with the fear of being alone, as well as the fear of the unknown after divorce.

Others here have given some great advice--planning is so important!! Reach out to friends, family, etc. Make plans to do something nice for you (a day shopping, getting a mani/pedi, etc.).

Sending you hugs of support.

I can remember the same feeling. Being alone again after being married so long was daunting. After my w (now ex) moved out, it got a little easier. I was no longer worried about what it would be like. and the present wasn't as bad as I had imagined.

Still, I worried about the safety net issues, being alone, etc. I tried to cultivate some acquaintances into friends in the months that followed. Some have turned out to be very good friends indeed. Take the time to do this, it will pay off in spades.

One fellow, it turns out, needed the safety net more than I did. Also recently divorced, he was feeling ill, went to the hospital, and they booked him for appendicitis. Knowing the situation, myself and a few others all made sure to stop by and check up on him while he was in the hospital for a week, and then at his home for a week or two afterwards.

Three years after my ex left, I have a better perspective on being single again. It was scary at first, but it becomes manageable with time and effort. You are likely stronger than you realize, and it just takes a little time to bring that out. I discovered how important having friends to help support you really is, but what I didn't expect was that I would be the one giving it and not receiving it. You may surprise yourself as well.

I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be with anyone else. I dont sleep well anymore. I cant sleep with the lights off, or some voice talking. I wish I knew what to do, but know you are not alone.