Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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Hi, I posted on Women who Love too much a few months back on my issue, but I thought Id post here.
I am trying to understand how anyone can get away with carrying on an affair for almost a whole year. My boyfriend of almost 4 years decided he wanted to be with a married women, a co-worker of his (both police officers), she is still very married with two young kids as I have seen it on face book. I know my boyfriends family very well and no one has ever met or even heard about this women. I am having a hard time excepting this and I tried to cut him loose so many times, but end up letting him come back into my bed because I do still love him. I cant understand how her husband can be so clueless. I know she never spends the night at his house and she only goes there for a few hours in the mornings each day. I know this because he has to get up at the crack of dawn when hes at my house, which he gives me a million excuses why but Ive figured it out. He never had to do this a year ago though. Also, how could this woman have the audacity to call me on the phone and proclaim him as her boyfriend to me when shes the married one.
I told him there has to be a bazillion single women that he could have met, why the hell a married one. He also seems to be really smitten with her as he goes through such lengths to keep her from knowing that he still sees me from time to time. He does tell me he loves me and that hes just confused, but at the same time I remain blocked from everything because he told me she made him block me as she doesn't trust me. We have to keep it a secret, so how did I become the OW.my goodness this would make a great Jerry Springer episode. I want to tell her husband so bad, but what good would it do except hurt her husband and kids. I am trying to take the higher road and not be so selfish, but damn it I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. I am so angry at the both of them and myself for playing the fool.
My friends tell me to run like the wind because if and when her husband does catch on (hes a fireman) then it will get ugly and I dont want to be in the middle of some love triangle. I guess I fear they could end up running off into the sunset together and I am left here to pick up the pieces of my life and go on as though 4 years never happened.
I am trying to understand how anyone can get away with carrying on an affair for almost a whole year. My boyfriend of almost 4 years decided he wanted to be with a married women, a co-worker of his (both police officers), she is still very married with two young kids as I have seen it on face book. I know my boyfriends family very well and no one has ever met or even heard about this women. I am having a hard time excepting this and I tried to cut him loose so many times, but end up letting him come back into my bed because I do still love him. I cant understand how her husband can be so clueless. I know she never spends the night at his house and she only goes there for a few hours in the mornings each day. I know this because he has to get up at the crack of dawn when hes at my house, which he gives me a million excuses why but Ive figured it out. He never had to do this a year ago though. Also, how could this woman have the audacity to call me on the phone and proclaim him as her boyfriend to me when shes the married one.
I told him there has to be a bazillion single women that he could have met, why the hell a married one. He also seems to be really smitten with her as he goes through such lengths to keep her from knowing that he still sees me from time to time. He does tell me he loves me and that hes just confused, but at the same time I remain blocked from everything because he told me she made him block me as she doesn't trust me. We have to keep it a secret, so how did I become the OW.my goodness this would make a great Jerry Springer episode. I want to tell her husband so bad, but what good would it do except hurt her husband and kids. I am trying to take the higher road and not be so selfish, but damn it I want to hurt him like he has hurt me. I am so angry at the both of them and myself for playing the fool.
My friends tell me to run like the wind because if and when her husband does catch on (hes a fireman) then it will get ugly and I dont want to be in the middle of some love triangle. I guess I fear they could end up running off into the sunset together and I am left here to pick up the pieces of my life and go on as though 4 years never happened.
As for why cheat w/a married woman? probably because he perceives her to be a 'safe bet.'
You said,
"...but end up letting him come back into my bed because I do still love him."
Please consider counseling with a qualified therapist to help you rebuild your self-esteem and move past this. In addition, if you haven't already, get yourself tested for every std possible. When we sleep with someone, we are sleeping w/everyone they slept with and everyone they slept with.
Please love yourself more than you love him. You deserve a kind, honest, trustworthy man.
~healing hugs~
A year is barely stepping off the curb!
My wife cheated on me at least 8 years with some jerk. She tossed in other infidelities over the decades as well.
I finally divorced her so many years too late.
I used to be in agonizing pain until I realized that the depth of her betrayal was all on her and would never be repaired.
Look at that year of cheating for what it is: awful, but now you know what she is capable of.
The question is, what are yo going to do?
dirtbags will only bring pain
you can love a dirtbags
dirtbags can only soil you
Walk away.....Learn to say NO!
Having a married woman as someone he cheats with is safe to him, because she will not want to have commitment , and she can't force it because she is married and it would make trouble for her. Your husband thinks he can get away with this , he knows you won't say a word. Are you scared you will lose him forever if you tell that husband that yours is having an affair with his wife? You should not settle for being treated this way. Put an end to sleeping with your husband if he is having sex with any other woman other then you.
This is just my opinion of course but it infuriates me to think this man thinks your are such a pushover. Just get it done . You cannot work on your marriage by yourself. And this situation with him sleeping around is not acceptable to you . Don't tollerate it.
@Sakuraowl This is a boyfriend, not my husband. I wanted to tell her husband so bad believe you me, but that wouldnt solve nothing. It would very much destroy her two kids and I am not going to have that guilt in my heart. I do believe that whats done in the dark, will always come to light so they will hang themselves with their own rope. I havent lost him because I never had him to begin with so I dont need to do all that. I can only take the high road and try to live my life happily, but it will take a while for that recovery though.
I'm using tough love here. Do not think because you have wound up in this position that you are a bad person. You deserve better than this. We all want better for you. (((HUGS)))