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Advice for separating with a 3 year old?

Lilly519
Lilly519

Hi all. Looking for some advice for those who've separated with a young child. My partner and I of 13 years are really struggling. We've not had a very healthy relationship ever if I'm honest, and right now are it seeing eye to eye on some major life issues. I can't see a way to work through it and feel it's best to move towards separating. I feel lost and so scared. Thank for any advise or feedback.

APieceOfMyHeart
APieceOfMyHeart
My little boy is under 2. Maybe I can help? What kind of advice are you looking for? *hugs*
Lilly519
Lilly519
Thanks for replying. I am contemplating asking for a separation, but am terrified of not being with my son all the time when access and custody is figured out. I’m also so worried about how the separation will affect him. I want to say my partner and I would be reasonable with each other regarding this stuff, but I feel so anxious all the time thinking about it. I am also worried about the impact of the strain in our relationship now on our son. Ugh how do people find the courage :(
cbgrace1980
cbgrace1980
It is totally normal to feel lost and scared facing what you are facing. I have been there too. Have you thought about speaking with a counselor to help you make the next movements? I think it would benefit you tremendously. Hugs to you. We are here for you!
Lilly519
Lilly519
I have a therapy appointment next week actually and am hoping to process my feelings and discuss next steps with her. I am hoping it’ll be helpful. I also plan to speak to a free family law clinic to just get info about what I need to know moving forward, hoping this will help prepare. This is tough :(
Able76
Able76
I’m in the same situation as you or even worse since my daughter will be a thousand miles away from me. It really breaks my heart and I literally cannot function. Hugs to you. I hope everything goes well
APieceOfMyHeart
APieceOfMyHeart
Hope your therapy session went well!

I was on the fence (in hindsight- scared but knowing a divorce needed to happen) for a while.

The 1st major step for me was to do a consultation (free ones) with a few lawyers. I went with 3- a good #- enough to get a clear picture without being overwhelming. To discuss things that were scary and I didn't know the 1st thing about legally.

Things got worse, I finally hired a lawyer and got the ball rolling.

Waited WAY too long to start therapy so major props to you for that!

I'm still in the thick of it to be honest and it's absolutely terrifying when it comes to my precious, precious little guy. But I am fighting for him with everything I have.

We don't live together anymore and that has been amazing for me.

Oh, I'm scared. Really scared, for the outcome. But, I think, for me anyway, I looked at the impact my being with my soon to be ex would have on our son and weighed it against the impact of us not being together- add the impact of my staying vs. My leaving? The scales were grossly tipped in one direction.

It's brutal- it's beyond brutal. He's so young, he's my only child, he's my world. I'm scared to death for my little boy. But I know this is the right thing for both of us. That? That's what keeps me going.

Please let us know how you are doing!