I believe going to www.divorcecare.org will
Help you a lot with the grieving process and
Being with others going thru similar situation.
Look up the stages of grief.

Some exercise a lot to get some stress and
Aggression out. Meditation music on youtube
Can help calm you down. Chamomile tea helps
Me. Do creative projects it helps you with giving
You some pleasure and using the creative side
of your Brain, I do adult coloring books.

Its not an easy time and there will Be many
uncomfortable feelings and emotions That
need to be processed, faced and let go Of
when you are able to.

Grieving is an emotional rollercoaster and it
Comes and goes. During divorce its a pretty
Intense time. I believe the healing starts after
the Divorce is over. To me the divorce is just
something To just get thru and endure.

I cried for the first 4 months after he left even
Though it had been bad. I was on overload and
overwhelm many days. I just did the best i could
And one foot in front of the other.

I still have mild depression, anxiety and stress
Post divorce. It takes time and it is also a healing
and Growing journey yet a very pain filled one.
HUGS

Thank you for the advice and support!! I mean I FEEL like we are divorced because I moved out 8 months ago, but the paperwork still needs to be finalized. I am thankful that we did not have any kids together as that would have made things much more complicated.
I know deep down it's for the best but sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me and I start thinking about the good times we had and the fact I have to start all over again when it comes to dating.. that's how I hurt myself the most!
I also enjoy the adult color books..they help me relax :)

I was married for 30 years so this has Been a
learning curve and not a good One. It takes
time so be patient and Gentle with yourself.

It can take three years to normalize After the
divorce is final. Not caring what they are doing
or not doing. You are leading Your own life, you
Have your own goals and agenda, In a relationship
or not.

This is a good time to work on yourself and
heal and grow and get to know yourself again
As a single person and be comfortable in your
own Skin before dating. You will Probably Be
Raw and vulnerable for awhile.

Time takes time and there are no quick easy
Ways thru The grief, divorce care does help.
HUGS

Don't deny or resist your feelings, it's all part of the process. There's nothing wrong with thinking about him, loving him, hating him, being angery, all the emotions are a normal. If you deny your emotions they will surface at inappropriate times over small matters. So be kind to yourself give yourself permission to be you and feel what ever you feel. Sometimes we may think were going crazy, but just remember your not alone, everyone on here has felt the same way. Hugs...

I think one of the hardest things for me to deal with is the fact he blames me for everything.. he won't take any responsibility for the marriage falling apart. The finger is always pointed at me! When we do have to communicate he is either overly affectionate or just down right nasty..there is no in between...has anyone else experienced this?? I find it very bizarre...

Thats what most checked out spouse do, they
blame shift. They do not hold up their Own mirror
or look inward at their part especially When they
want out and have someone else new in Their
sights. Guilt/shame you name it.

History often gets reinvented If you listened to my
ex i was a terrible wife and he Hated my guts, so be
it. Maybe he is better off now Who knows but i heard
all about what he felt i did to Him. He had massive
Resentments toward me. Get rid of one He had 10
More to take its place.

Its important to face ourselves and own our part but
only own Our stuff. His stuff is for him to bear Not you.

Do not Talk personal with him he is not your buddy or
Friend. You only set yourself up if you do. Keep it to the
Business at hand only. Use text or email for contact the
Phone is a dangerous place, IMO. My ex was real nasty
Toward me, the mediator had to speak to him about it.
He could not seem to help himself his demons are his
Not mine, HUGS

Yes, I totally get what you are saying! He has accused me of things that never even happened and it just leaves me in total shock..and I can't help but wonder if he actually believes the lies he is telling himself. I try not to let it bother me but sometimes I feel angry about the things he has accused me of!

You need to let him go, thats why therapy And
support groups are so important. When Its about
ourselves we can get mired down in our own wants,
Thoughts, needs and desires. We lose any Clarity
and detachment.

My therapist and my MC both told me to leave him
And they do not say that lightly. He seemed okay For
the first 15 years its hard to say when the shift Really
Happened its usually comes on very slowly when you
stop Connecting emotionally.

Then the relationship will start to unravel. Ours was
emotional intimacy issue never a physical one. At the
very end we had circular arguements once a month.
I wish i could have taped One to hear it later on. He
would not hear me and i did not Understand him. I
think i was getting stone walled. HUGS