Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have not spoke, texted, emailed my soon to be ex husband in a little more than two weeks. I have read everyone's posts about how much easier to move on when there is no contact with your ex. Although it is hard not knowing what he is doing, where he is etc I do find it is easier as well. The hard part right now is I have left it to him to file for divorce. A realization of the fact he will never do it has put that task on me. Fine. I do not want to be technically married to someone who doesn't care anymore or someone I don't even speak to- plus hey he's the one who said he wanted the divorce. But now I feel I need to reach out to him about the divorce, I don't know where he lives since he moved out of our apartment. I don't want to have him served at work. I spoke to my lawyer, she asked if I anticipated fighting with him throughout the divorce. we honestly don't have much to fight over. We don't have children. We didn't own property together. I already have all of my belongings. I don't want anything else of " ours" There is some, a LOT, of debt that he put under my name I would like him to help pay, so it's not 100 % on me but honestly he most likely will not pay it and I don't to have to rack up more in lawyer fees to then also have to pay back the debt. My lawyer said the retainer would be a pretty chunk of change if I thought the divorce process would be long and drawn out. The only thing I'm scared of is if he figures out that " accrued marital debt" most likely includes all the accounts he left to go delinquent when we were together.( He is literally the worst person with money and the amount he actually owes is terrifying to thing about) I can be responsible for half, even though the accounts do not have my name on them and he had some of them before we were even married, just together. I'm already paying thousands and thousands and THOUSANDS of dollars in debt he put under my name. I don't need to be responsible for his. So do I contact him, ask him about what he is going to do during this divorce? Do I say let's just say we don't want anything from each other sign the paper work and go our separate ways, suck it up pay the money I owe and count my blessings I don't need to be responsible for his financial disaster? I don't know what to tell me lawyer. I really do not want to reach out to him but I feel Im going to have to. Do I just file the paperwork and hope for the best that the divorce won't be long and drawn out over- literally nothing. Or do I call him and figure out what it will be before we get into this?
if you are still legally married to him. Once
the Divorce is on the table And the financials
Have all been figured out then nothing new
can be added or subtracted for debts or new
assets. At least thats how its suppose to work
basically in lock down.
Keep talking to your own lawyer to get
Guidance. Every state is little different and
everybodies financials are a little different.
We used two lawyers, some do it themselves,
Some use a lawyer/mediator.
I would lock Everything down and get financially
clear of Him. Some even have to do bankruptcy.
He is not your friend, its hard to think different
Lawyers do, thats one of the best things about
Them, no emotion involved, its all business at
The divorce stage and its all about the financials.
Detaching from him will take time after the divorce
Is final and the decree is in place then you can go no
contact. To me healing could only start after the divorce.
HUGS
Good luck. I wish you well.
Legally, your lawyer could write up that he's responsible for half the debt, and he might even sign that paper. The reality though is that if he doesn't pay, the credit card companies will come after you if your name is on the card as a owner or co-owner. They don't care who is supposed to pay, they just want payment.
Probably, IMO, the best way to go is to get it all out on the table, get it all documented, get him involved, via lawyers Facts hidden have a way of surfacing when lawyers are involved. If you were to personally ask him now how he wants to proceed, it's not guaranteed that he'll be truthful with you, or won't end up changing his tactics down the road. You probably need the protection a lawyer can offer.
This is coming from someone who has racked up nearly 40K in attorney fees because her stbx doesn't give a flying f*** about money. Your ex is irresponsible about money too, so you can't trust him an inch.
I wouldn't worry too much about serving him at work. He's made it clear that he does not care about you, so just go the easiest route which is to serve him at a place you know he will be. I too cared too much about stbx's embarrassment in being served at work, and foolishly thought the process server would heed my suggestion to wait till 5 and serve him in the parking lot. Doesn't happen that way. Just let them do their jobs. It's all about business now, feelings and empathy for an uncaring spouse have to be let go. You have to care more about yourself.
your lawyer. It Is the smart thing to do even if
you don't use need for them For the divorce.
Every state Is different every Situation is a little
different.
Everything that has come about during the marriage
Is on the table financially. With my ex his family land
And his family treasures were his not mine. I did Not
touch anything like that. But whatever we accrued
as a couple was on the table.