I was married for 20 years and had my wife cheat on me so that ended our marriage. It took me two years to work through the divorce and recover. The last six months of this period after I was divorced I began going out and trying to move on. I never thought I would love again but then I met a beautiful woman that lit up my life and threw herself at me even though I was still broken. She did everything right to get me to love her and she had only been divorced a year also. She finally broke me down and I really fell in love with her. We were together 5 years and she left me 5 months ago.
She wrote me a letter on her IPad when she went on a cruise with her boys when we were two years into the relationship(all three were pretty much adults at the time 17,19,21 and all three had drug problems). She also has a daughter who is 18 now and spoiled also. She leased her daughter a Mercedes when she got her license and she has since wrecked it twice. She also quit her job as a nurse to take care of all of the disfunction in her life with her children and she is living off her father. She will inherit a lot of money when he is gone.
In the letter she wrote "I have thought of only you since leaving this morning. Having grown so accustomed to your presence and availability to me. It is a welcoming reminder of the force you play in my everyday existence. I try hard to deny and push away the dependence on you I have so willingly accepted and hunger for. I desire your company at all times, even when I want to be alone. I still struggle with the idea that you would accept me at all times and at my worst, and that keeps me at bay, fearing your rejection. I guess it is because I do not even accept myself at those times, so I cannot see how someone else could accept me. I have told everyone I have met on the cruise that I am married to you. I do not wish to be without you, I wish that you were here."
Fast forward three years and this is what she said when she broke up with me. I realize now I would never marry you and if I lived with you I would kill you. There is something wrong with you, you are socially awkward and you don't fit in and you don't have any friends. All my friends say if they were to choose someone for me it wouldn't be you. I realize now I was just stringing you along because I didn't want to be alone and you were too easy and I wanted to be the one to chase. She said one of her friends asked her, "So, your going to leave your boyfriend who loves you completely and would take care of you forever in order to be alone and she said Yes,that's what Im going to do."
She broke up with me multiple times throughout the relationship or would tell me she needed a few days to recharge but she would always come back.
She told me I was her best friend at some point in the relationship and she loved all the attention I gave her. I never changed and I always treated her well. Cooked for her for 5 years and practically rebuilt her house. I know I was codependent but she consumed me and I truly adored her. She treated me badly, has a lot of addictive issues, probably borderline personality disorder and very narcissistic and histrionic. She has low self esteem but wants to get guys attention by showing herself off. She is very attractive.
There is not a day that goes by that I dont miss her when I wake up or think of her when I go to sleep. She even invades my dreams. She would call me throughout the day and text me all the time. Now my phone is silent and she was right. I am alone. I have no self esteem left and I don't know how I am going to live like this. I will never meet anyone that did what she did for me or will make me feel like she did. She was my one and only drug of choice and I am so depressed at the loss of her I don't know how I will ever move on. The rejection is overwhelming and I can hardly function. She spent 22 years in a relationship with an alcoholic husband that treated her badly and didn't love her and she was on her knees begging him to show her something before she divorced him but he told her he didn't love her. I gave her the love she never had in her life and she treated me like dirt and wont even talk to me. I don't know why she hates me so much when all I did was love her and try to take care of her. Sorry for the novel but she confused me so badly. I don't know what I did wrong. The harder I tried the more she pulled away and I know I should have left her alone but I loved her so much. I can't believe she is gone. In the end she was throwing herself at a guy that didn't want her that she slept with before she met me when she found out he had broken up with his girlfriend.
Why is it that when you treat someone well they don't want you or take advantage of you and treat you badly but if you don't want them they throw themselves at you. All the women say they want a guy that is nice and considerate and faithful and then they are screwing around with the guy that doesnt even care for them behind your back. What is wrong with this world.
She even told me one time " I hate you because you are better than me." I guess it made her feel guilty because of all the good things I did for her and she had never had anyone that had done that before. She was used to always being the one that did everything and then got treated badly by her children and husband. You think you would finally appreciate having someone that is actually nice to you and doesn't expect you to do everything in the relationship. I am just shattered.