Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Aftet reading, posting, and responding to this board yesterday about the hurt that comes with not getting a chance to rekindle marriage, get forgiveness and a chance to be a better version of us to make it work or find closure and true understanding of why our loved ones choose to call it quits, I decided that I have to accept my divorce and the sadness that came with it to find peace with in.
But I can tell my self over and over again that it is over but the realty is I am still dealing with the daily sometimes hourly up and down from the shock in knowing that the person I thought I would grow old with have chosen otherwise. Through it all she may never understand what I am going through but I still wanted to tell her the sad thing in the whole divorce ordeal. No blaiming, no guilting, no rekindling but simply wanted to tell her why it is sad to see us go apart. We agreed to meet for a beer and I had a chance to say it all.
I told her that I have accepted the divorce without finding closure, and that as we go forward my desire to forgo the friendship and any other contact is not a punishment, proving a point and or hating her but rather to learn to live without her in my life to reduce any possible trigger points that can put me in a dark place. She sat and listened here it is...
I am not only sad because we are divorcing. I am sad because we never made it to the milestone some lucky couples reach when pushed to the brinks of a divorce. I was talking about couples the recognize the infatuated feelings of love is not everlasting but learn that there is a diffrent kind of love that comes when one understands that a life together as couple that value the friendship, companionship, the knowing someone got your back and love you and learn that it is ok to sometimes think about I and not drawn about us 24/7.
Couples that learn to understand what makes them who they are as individuals and rationally choose to continue the journey or end it- not as a knee jerk reaction by highlighting the others imperfection or blaming to validate thier desire.
I wish we had the chance to reach that milestone or mountain top and make the choice even if the choice leads to divorce it would have been worth trying to see if we had a chance to be one of the lycky ones. It got late and we sidetracked and had to part ways but she said it is sad and with that we left it there and part ways. I slightly feel better but I can't explain why.
Or quick way thru grief. The rollercoaster Will
come whether you want it to or not.
Its A time of intense feelings and emotions. I
Would Suggest therapy and divorce care for
your Emotional well being.
I made it to 6 weeks before my 30th, glad we did
Not make that mark. My marriage was then and
Had been tainted for a long time beforehand, it
Does Bring about sadness, theres not much i can
do Except move forward, heal and work on myself.
HUGS
It sounds like you got a small amount of closure (not the full closure you're looking for) in just being able to talk to her and let her know why you've chosen to not be friends.
I've chosen to not be friends with my ex for the same reasons and rather than listen to me she chose to stop listening, get angry at me, and use the nuclear shock and awe tactic of making sure the new boyfriend is there every time I drop off the kids.
What I wouldn't give to have a peaceful conversation to let her know the same things.
I'm truly sad that you're going through this but happy as well that you've reached a milestone of sorts.
@LostAndRejcted appreciate the kind words and sorry that you haven't gotten a chance to clear the burden off your chest. Know it is also a loss for the unforgiving specially considering you had kids together.
I found resisting the current and staying strong as men are expected to be was killing me and opening the wounds and facing it is slightly helping me in accepting the free will of others as something I can't control nor that I want to.
A person advised me on another post to live well and I took it to heart and will make it my mission along with nurture the best possible version of me gor my own sake and my kids. I realy believe life will find a way to reward those of us that come out of this with a positive mind set. The when and how may be long and painful but we owe to ourselves.