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Acceptance?

Koko
Koko

So I had lunch with a friend and I was finally able to tell someone we were getting divorced without falling apart or tears in my eyes.  I just told my friend the situation and was able to discuss it logically.  I hope this means I have moved on to the acceptance stage???


 


I also texted my husband to go to the bank and withdraw his name from our joint account.  He has not been putting in any money into the account that makes the mortgage, utility and  all other household expenses.  So why should I have to close it out and change all my links?  He keeps on telling me he doesn't want my money so show me.  I have not heard back and I had anxiety as I typed it but I'm glad I did.  


All this time he has been in control.  He told me he wanted a divorce.  He told me he will move out when he's ready.  I am no longer standing by taking it.  


After reading numerous posts about other exes and their mixed signals I realized my husband has been very clear he was not in the marriage for a while.  For every birthday, Christmas, anniversary that he didn't do anything I should have noticed.  I already have 2 kids I don't need to support a grown up man.

jojored
jojored
Keep going strong! I totally understand what you mean by missing the clues - I think we naturally feel our spouses are in sync with us, and that's probably almost never the case. As long as couples can communicate about expectations and such, things can be worked out. Unfortunately, many can't/won't communicate. :(
kasharoo
kasharoo
Good for you koko!
MontgomeryDad
MontgomeryDad
Awesome, koko. Really happy to hear you are taking back control. Gives me faith that I will be able to do the same one day. You should be very proud of yourself.
Koko
Koko
Of course I heard nothing from him except to say he wanted us to have dinner with the kids tonight. I just want to scream, "you're the one who wants a divorce!!! Why do I have to ask you about it or talk to you about it!?"
MontgomeryDad
MontgomeryDad
I hear that. You and I think exactly the same. It's frightening. Almost every post you have sounds exactly like me talking. Makes me glad that someone knows precisely what I am going through, but makes me sad that someone else has to deal with the same exact crap I do.
Koko
Koko
Yes MD - I'm glad someone understands. But in your situation the fact that your wife shows some emotions is a good thing. With my husband I have no idea what he's thinking like he can just walk out of here one day or stay here forever platonically. WTF.
MontgomeryDad
MontgomeryDad
She's so inconsistent with her emotions, though. She went out tonight and it would not surprise me at all if it's with some guy. Whatever. This is why it pains me so much that I feel like I should be respectful and sit on my hands when I am being sought after specifically by another woman. I feel like I'm making myself miss out while she's living it up. So frustrating and depressing. I feel for you, Koko. I really do.
Koko
Koko
It really sucks to be the mature one. That's all I can say. Hopefully our kids will appreciate our efforts at staying strong and being the consistent one....
jaynib
jaynib
Yes, you may be moving into the acceptance phase, but don't be surprised if you still feel episodes of grief. Everyone processes a bit differently. You are right though to set boundaries for yourself. If it does nothing good to have dinner, etc. then you have every right to say you don't want to. Please take care of yourself and it wouldn't hurt to get into counseling. That way you can be healthy and the best mom possible for your kids through this. They're going through it, too. Prayers and hugs.