I've been married for 6 years. The past 3 years have been filled with emotional abuse. My husband yells and screams at me when he's upset. He puffs up, stomps around, and even took off his shirt once when he was upset. He doesn't let me walk away from our fights; he will follow me around most of them time and not let me take space. 2 months ago things got so bad that I started looking for apartments.  Unfortunately, I tried to be sneaky but he found out. He was upset, but I think he finally realized how close I was to leaving. Unfortunately, I have not been working over the past few months, and don't have access to my 401K without his signature. I literally have $150k that I can't use without his signature. So I couldn't leave in November, even though I finally admitted to myself that I was scared of him. Scared of what he may do. He's never hit me but I have true fear. At that time I also hired a divorce attorney but could never bring myself to talk to her. Speaking with her would make it real and final.

Things got better around the holidays, because you know, things aren't always bad. But he showed his true colors again 2 weeks ago. He got upset with me and things got intense. He again wouldn't let me walk away, kept demanding that I speak to him. It got so bad I finally just left the house. He called back to back, texted back to back, it was so dramatic. And right then, the divorce attorney calls. I hadn't spoken with her since before the holidays and she calls right at that moment. 

I'm finally ready. I'm so happy she called at that moment, I know it was a major sign from God. I found an apartment the next day and signed the lease a few days later. He has no idea I'm leaving and I'm just playing along like everything is okay. He will be going out of town in a few weeks and I am planning to make my exit while he's gone. It's so sad it had to come to this. I feel guilty all the time. Guilty because I wish I could talk to him and tell him how I feel. I wish I could tell him that I'm leaving. I wish he would have agreed to couples counseling. We have a child and I wish we could discuss how we are going to split custody. But I truly feel unsafe any unsure how he will react. So I have to continue to pretend everything is okay for now and then make my move. My heart goes out to anyone who has experienced abuse. The worst part is, I didn't even realize I was being abused for so long. It's been 3 years of our marriage. I just thought that marriages have issues and we would be able to get through it. But there is no way I can walk on egg shells and not be able to speak my mind because I fear how he will react. 

I am so ready for peace in my life. I deserve calmness, respect, peace and so much more.