Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It's been a almost a year since my wife told me she wants a divorce. It was august of 2015. She was frustrated with me. Said that she was unhappy with our marriage and unhappy with how I was as a husband. She felt that she did all the work and I never contributed to our family.
I loved my wife greatly. I loved my whole family. However, I'm a provider. I show my lover and affection mainly through providing for my family. My wife didn't work and I often worked multiple jobs to provide the best for my family.
Our breakup, although painful for me, was not the norm that I see on this site. There was no infidelity. There was no emptying of the bank account. There was no name calling or abuse. There was sadness and anger, but we both tried hard to be civil. We both were 100% dedicated to make sure that our failure as husband and wife minimally impacted our three children. We were both committed to doing whatever we had to for our children. We also wanted to come out of the divorce as friends.
We told our children, friends and neighbors. We decided we would take our time. For several weeks, we continued to share the same bed, but started to spent more time away from each other. Eventually, I moved downstairs, into our guest bedroom. We continued to do things socially as a family. We even went on a few family vacations together, although we had separate sleeping accommodations.
We decided to put the divorce process on hold in December, so we could enjoy the holidays as a family. We resumed after the first of the year.
We decided to get the house ready to sell. Our goal was to move into a new house, as a family, that would be more affordable for my soon to be ex-wife. I would stay with the family until she got her career going and they stabilized. Then I would move out and get my own house and we would share 50/50 custody. We figured this process might take about a year.
We continued to be nice to each other, determined to maintain our friendship and our family.
During that time we both grew thick skin when dealing with each other. I started to live my life as if I was single. I started doing my own laundry and doing my own chores around the house. Is started getting my own social life outside of my soon to be ex-wife. I supported her in her efforts to restart her career. She started getting a social life with her new career.
The realtor suggested a long list of home improvements that would make the house more marketable. We started working on these home improvement projects. Rebuilt the balcony outside the bedroom. Repainted the kitchen. Landscape work. etc.
We were aiming to put the house on the market in June. June first came around and we had some work yet to do, but it was nothing that would stop us from putting the house on the market. We sat down to discuss putting it on the market.
Our conversation started to change. We discussed how we were getting along better over the last year. How we had each grown. How we had both started to find activities outside of our marriage but we had actually grown our friendship and our family stronger. I think both of us had alot of time to think about what divorce would mean and had time to reflect on what we would lose.
After a year of working toward an amicable divorce, we decided to call of the divorce and reconcile. We are planning on going to marriage counselling. We are not planning on going back to "the way we were" but planning on moving to become better people and discovering the new people that we will become.
It's only been three weeks since we made this decision but we are getting along great. We are taking it slow. I"m not planning on moving out of the guest bedroom anytime soon. We are still in the "dating" phase and we both have avoided becoming intimate yet. However, we have announced the reconciliation to the children, our friends and our family. The fact that my wife has made this decision really tells me that she's serious.
We are both being cautious. We both realize we could reverse course again if things go bad. However, I think our dedication toward maintaining a good relationship toward each other and putting self-interest aside for the best interests in each other and the family has helped save our marriage.
I never would have thought I would be here, but my message to anyone reading this is that, with work and love, there is always hope.
I loved my wife greatly. I loved my whole family. However, I'm a provider. I show my lover and affection mainly through providing for my family. My wife didn't work and I often worked multiple jobs to provide the best for my family.
Our breakup, although painful for me, was not the norm that I see on this site. There was no infidelity. There was no emptying of the bank account. There was no name calling or abuse. There was sadness and anger, but we both tried hard to be civil. We both were 100% dedicated to make sure that our failure as husband and wife minimally impacted our three children. We were both committed to doing whatever we had to for our children. We also wanted to come out of the divorce as friends.
We told our children, friends and neighbors. We decided we would take our time. For several weeks, we continued to share the same bed, but started to spent more time away from each other. Eventually, I moved downstairs, into our guest bedroom. We continued to do things socially as a family. We even went on a few family vacations together, although we had separate sleeping accommodations.
We decided to put the divorce process on hold in December, so we could enjoy the holidays as a family. We resumed after the first of the year.
We decided to get the house ready to sell. Our goal was to move into a new house, as a family, that would be more affordable for my soon to be ex-wife. I would stay with the family until she got her career going and they stabilized. Then I would move out and get my own house and we would share 50/50 custody. We figured this process might take about a year.
We continued to be nice to each other, determined to maintain our friendship and our family.
During that time we both grew thick skin when dealing with each other. I started to live my life as if I was single. I started doing my own laundry and doing my own chores around the house. Is started getting my own social life outside of my soon to be ex-wife. I supported her in her efforts to restart her career. She started getting a social life with her new career.
The realtor suggested a long list of home improvements that would make the house more marketable. We started working on these home improvement projects. Rebuilt the balcony outside the bedroom. Repainted the kitchen. Landscape work. etc.
We were aiming to put the house on the market in June. June first came around and we had some work yet to do, but it was nothing that would stop us from putting the house on the market. We sat down to discuss putting it on the market.
Our conversation started to change. We discussed how we were getting along better over the last year. How we had each grown. How we had both started to find activities outside of our marriage but we had actually grown our friendship and our family stronger. I think both of us had alot of time to think about what divorce would mean and had time to reflect on what we would lose.
After a year of working toward an amicable divorce, we decided to call of the divorce and reconcile. We are planning on going to marriage counselling. We are not planning on going back to "the way we were" but planning on moving to become better people and discovering the new people that we will become.
It's only been three weeks since we made this decision but we are getting along great. We are taking it slow. I"m not planning on moving out of the guest bedroom anytime soon. We are still in the "dating" phase and we both have avoided becoming intimate yet. However, we have announced the reconciliation to the children, our friends and our family. The fact that my wife has made this decision really tells me that she's serious.
We are both being cautious. We both realize we could reverse course again if things go bad. However, I think our dedication toward maintaining a good relationship toward each other and putting self-interest aside for the best interests in each other and the family has helped save our marriage.
I never would have thought I would be here, but my message to anyone reading this is that, with work and love, there is always hope.
Not heard of too often. Sounds like a great
Path and the hard work is paying off.
Two mature adults you should be proud of
Yourselves :)
Hugs
Congratulations, and thank you for sharing.
I wish you both the very best.
Please please please I hope you get your happy ending. You guys are working so hard towards that goal!!! I'm cheering you guys on!
This is often not the case, but it does go to show that a little self improvement and some personal introspection can work out.
Sadly it is often lost on the other person, but still results in positive things for oneself. My ex said she saw the changes and that it was great for the next person lol. Oh well.
I feel like if had you not made those changes, not worked on yourself that it may have ended up different. Good work.
I won't wish you luck because luck had nothing to do with it, and I don't believe in luck.
I will wish you two happier and better days though.
So happy :)
both doing the work , two can achieve anything if they want to.
Much luck your way