Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am so tired and confused. My wife left me a year and a half ago and we have one child together. He has lived with me the entire time we've been separated and she has seen him sporadically. One day I came home and all of her stuff was moved out. She got an apartment in town where she has lived by herself since. She said the reason for leaving is because we're always fighting and she can not stop feeling resentful over certain things. Basically, in 2011 I was looking at some things I shouldn't have been online. I said some things that I never intended anyone to see but somehow she hacked into my phone and saw them. I felt so guilty and still torture myself to this day over it. I will never live it down. It never went further than that. I never cheated on her or dated anyone else our 7 years of marriage even while separated. I patiently waited for her to realize what she was leaving behind this entire time. We are first loves. We have been so deeply in love with each other and had so many good experiences and memories and things only we will understand over the nearly 20 years that we've known each other. I have changed and become a better man over the past year and a half and have sought patiently and calmly for her to return while continually expressing my feelings to her. I want a new beginning and a new chapter for us to reclaim and do things the right way as better people this time. Since we've been separated, she has gone out with and kissed people but tells me it hasn't gone further, and I believe her. The thing that troubles me the most is that our 7-year old son, I'm with him all of the time and sometimes I cannot get a hold of her for days no matter what I try and it's nearly impossible to get her to see him. I love being with him but her lack of interest in the family that she used to have is startling. Even more startling, she's reconciled with me and fooled me approximately 10 times over the past year. She'll say how she loves me and how everything is worse without me and that she wants to start over...After crying together through the night, I'll finally believe her and things will be wonderful...for about a week. Then she'll SUDDENLY stop talking to me in any way. I'll ask her friends and they won't know where she is, she won't be at her apartment. When she reemerges she'll give the excuse "I just wanted to be alone" or "I shut my phone off". Both of which I don't necessarily believe. Then she'll start bringing up the past to fight about it with me even though I want to move on build a new future together, something she was on board with the week before, she'll suddenly just go heartless and say she can't be with me. I ask and plead with her to tell me what I mean to her and she has never told me.
I have filed for divorce last month but never served her. She said she was ok with it at first, then cried and pleaded with me to take her back and to become a better person and change and start a new us, have another chance. I caved in and held off on serving her the papers. That was about 2 weeks ago. Yesterday she said she thinks we should get divorced and she came over to my place yelling about things I've done in the past. I've apologized countless times for all the hurt I've caused her with my actions and the things I didn't do right as a husband. We were both very young and have known each other since childhood. I just wanted and still want to be a wonderful husband and start over together and to be treated nicely by her, to feel something, anything. She make me feel so sad and unloved and alone, and jerked around for so long now trying to reconnect and rebuild our family.
to divorce or not. That is a very individual Decision,
we all need to make that one for ourselves.
Therapy and divorce care help alot during this time,
DC helps with the grieving and divorce process. Therapy
hopefully so you can work thru some of those Issues
and make some decisions for Whats best for you and
your child, HUGS
There is NO EXCUSE for her not seeing her son. That is how I know she is not a good person. A parent who leaves their child and doesn't visit them on a regular basis is not a good person. PERIOD!
Maybe your self improvements can be for you and your son. Maybe you two can benefit from the work you've done to yourself. It doesn't sound like your life is going to ever be peaceful if you still have your wife in your life.
Good luck and please take care of your son. He needs to know there is nothing wrong with him and that he is loved.
I always take care of our son first and foremost. He is the number one priority. He has adjusted surprisingly well to all of this and is so wonderful and well-behaved. He loves us both and enjoys being raised by me daily.
Every time I read posts like this my heart aches cause I hear the tremendous pain that you’ve been walking through the last year and a half. It seems like it has been a emotional rollercoaster of mixed feeling of confusion and weariness hasn't it?
I don’t know if you and your wife have considered the step for marriage counseling through a licensed counselor? I was at the verge of losing everything such as my home, my work and including my own family and it was a extremely helpful and was a true blessing to us. Now, I wouldn’t ever want to go back where I was at, as it was a terrible heart gouging experience as we as a couple had to face the brutal facts of our relationship and to seek for help. It was one of the most humbling and healing time in our marriage and I thank God for that.
Don’t lose hope. I truly believe anything is possible. Praying for you all.