Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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diemjs 09/17/2008

#$%&*&^%@$#$&^*(&)(*!!!!! WHY? Why is it that every weekend I dont have the kids, something happens and my weekend plans get cut short? If its not my mother being afraid to be alone because of a storm or because she is sick and is afraid of dying in the middle of the night, its the stbx.

He has class on Sunday. Which means he is dropping the kids off at O'dark hundred, aka 7 A.M.!!!

There is no one else to watch the kids. His class is until 4 p.m. Its not fair to the kids and its not fair to who ever would watch them to take the kids that long. My mother cant/wont do it. She couldnt handle it, and neither could his mother. There is his sister, but she is an alchy who likes to drink in the morning and day time. Im not comfortable with that. Then there is the gf. HHMMM. Would I want that to happen? Would I feel comfortable with her watching them for 9 hours? I dont think so. SO, this is my vent.

Thanks for listening!

Have a wonderful day.

diemjs 09/17/2008

Oooh, and I just thought of this. If I do ask him to find someone else to watch them, does that make me look bad? Can he use that against me for not wanting to take care of my own kids when he cant?

deleted_user 09/17/2008

That's some tough stuff, Babe.

diemjs 09/17/2008

Thanks JacJac! Sucks to be me, doesnt it? LOL

deleted_user 09/17/2008

Personally I would drop any plans to be with my kids more.

And yes, if you can not show that you had more important stuff to deal with and you decline being with your kids, then he can use that against you in court.

But you can also use it against him. He obviously doesn't have the flexible schedule to handle having the kids on the schedule in place now.

deleted_user 09/17/2008

I personally don't think on his weekend to have them if you refused to take them it would look bad on your part as much as him. On the other hand in may look good to the kids if you took them anyways. my ex pulls stunts all the time about not taking the kids on the weekends he supposed to. I say nothing and graciously take them and the kids see this and I get a thank you mom, at least you care about us. As tragic as it is for him to do this to them the kids know that I am there for them.

I totally know about screwing up the any weekend plans you had and it's so so frustrating, hang in there.

Jenna7873 09/17/2008

technically - if it's his weekend to have them, it's his responsibility to find alternate care for them in this case (assuming this custody/visitation arrangement is in a legal document somewhere and is not simply a verbal thing).

However, being their mom, I can certainly see how you can feel that you can't say no because they're your kids! It's not fair though that he's infringing on YOUR time to yourself - which all adults need. He has his, doesn't he? Can you tell him that you'll do it this time, but in the future, he's going to have to make alternate arrangements for things like this on HIS weekends? I'm sure he knows well in advance when he has class... no reason he can't think ahead and realize he has his kids that Sunday too, so he needs to be a responsible parent and handle his own business.

deleted_user 09/17/2008

Your children are the most important people in this world. Don't forget how fast they grow and you don't want them to notice that there is a problem of why daddy just doesn't have time for us and make sure they know that Mommy loves them and you are always there for them. They grow up so fast and they are suffering also.

deleted_user 09/17/2008

I wouldn't care how anything looked to him or anyone else for that matter except for MY KiDS. I would be worried that they might question why I wouldn't drop heaven and earth to have them in my care rather than some random person. In the end, it's only what they think that will matter. Can you get you ex to agree to the fact that he is dropping them off before his scheduled time and have him give you those hours at a later date? Maybe you could give HIM a receipt for the hours that you are taking that are supposed to be his.... (giggle)

deleted_user 09/17/2008

I was thinking along the same lines as Sandysan with the receipt thing. Tell him that since it is his time with the kids that you need say $50 for the time. That way you have some spending money for them during that time. He'd be giving that money to a babysitter.

deleted_user 09/17/2008

Wow,

I would not let anyone keep my kids other than me! One of the responses you received hit a cord with me, and stated that the kids grow up really fast. That is so true and whatever plans you had could always be done later.

Your kids love you and need you. That is the number one priority. If you and your stbx were still together, what would your weekend plans be? As far as charging your ex to take care of your own kids, how are going to explain it to the kids when they find out? That would break their hearts to hear (from their father) that he had to pay their mother to take the kids.... I dunno, I probably should have by-passed this thread!

Sorry!

deleted_user 09/17/2008

I don't look at is as her charging him to babysit. If this was her normal parenting time then it would have been figured into child support. At least in my state child support is figured on income AND the parenting time schedule. Given that this is a regular occurence with him, he should be paying more child support. If money isn't an issue, then fine, don't ask for it.

deleted_user 09/17/2008

Getting paid for having the kids on his scheduled days is a grand idea except good luck with it. The only thing it might do is get your point across. I only say this because I stay at home with the kids. In our divorce papers it is supposed to be shared parenting (now it is down to every other weekend with him, if that). At the beginning, on his days when he would work in the daytime I took care of them while he worked on his days until he got off work he would pick them up. He would then complain go get a job so I don't have to pay so much child support ($847 for 5 kids). Excuse me I watch the kids and he refused to pay for daycare. I was happy to have the kids on his time, but he never understood why I didn't work? Please kids aren't disposable items you can just say "nah I don't feel like seeing them" they're responsibilities. O.k. thanks for the vent. Whew!

deleted_user 09/17/2008

take the kids and document it for your lawyer

wvartgirl 09/17/2008

If you have a pre-determined schedule and he decides to dump the kids on you, that makes him look bad in court, not you. Watch the kids and document all the extra time you get so you can use it in child support leverage and or claining them as a teax deduction since they may spend more time with you.

deleted_user 09/17/2008

If it is HIS weekend-he needs to figure it out. It is HIS problem-not yours. He can't use that against you. If you have set up visitation and this is his time with them-it is his responsibility to figure it out. My stbx does this shit ALL the time. Just last week he wanted me to take them on Tuesday night. He wanted to have them on Tuesday nights (trying to get out of child support) so I went and got another job just on Tuesday nights. Last Tuesday-he wanted to pack for his big trip into Yellowstone and got mad at me for not taking the kids on his night!! Fuck that. I was WORKING because he is not paying CS!! This is not your problem-it is his. You tell him that he needs to figure out what to do with them!!!!

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